Top Posts Tagged with #broxdad

YESSS!!!!

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality

Anya is LIVE right now

FREE

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

Frostcon 2013-2014 HS Photoshoot: BroxDad; BroxJohn; DavexJohn + Stern Fatherly Disapproval

#Frostcon #homestuck #broxjohn #broxdad #davexjohn #rachlikesyourbuns

CAN WE CALL THE BRO/DAD SHIP "OLD SPICE"??

Because that would be amusing as fuck on so many levels. Think about it and you'll find all the levels I mean.

#shut up ryn #broxdad

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 18 [Epilogue]

(This is it, guys. The end of the end. Five months (almost exactly! I posted the first part on November 13th!), 18 installments, and 75000 words, and it's finally done. Thanks so much for being the best readers anybody could ask for. Seriously. <3 I'm considering writing a sequel, since I'm really not ready to be done with these characters and this setting, but I'm not sure if it's anything anybody would be interested in, since I think it would take place four years in the future when the Striders have moved in with the Egberts, and it would focus more on the kids? I don't know, it's a possibility. But at any rate, thank you all for bearing with me for so long! <3)

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: R

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Summary: Despite all of his cockiness, Bro Strider is still a virgin at 31 years old. After taking in a baby when he was 18 and fresh out of high school, he never had the time to really pursue a relationship. But after years of inadvertently cockblocking his older brother, Dave pays him back by introducing him to Mr. Egbert, unwittingly setting off a chain of reactions that results in Bro falling for the elder Egbert.

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 [End]

The orange glow of daylight streamed through the slats in the blinds in Egbert’s room, casting an amber glow across the bed sheets. Bro stirred slightly, and in his half-unconscious stupor, he was dimly appreciative of the way that the soft sheets felt against his bare skin. Wait. He didn’t have sheets on his futon. Disoriented, he jolted awake, sitting bolt upright and groggily looking around the room to try and remember where he was. The events of the previous night slowly filtered back into awareness, and he looked down at Egbert, smiling at the way the first rays of dawn illuminated his features. Egbert wasn’t even half-awake, barely roused from his slumber by his bedmate’s sudden movements. He sleepily groped for Bro’s arm, and Bro allowed himself to be pulled back down into bed. Now that he was awake, he knew that there was no way he would be able to fall back asleep, but he was content to watch Egbert sleep. He rested his head on the pillow and listened to the rhythmic rise and fall of his breath, resisting the urge to trace the lines of his face and risk waking up. Eventually, he got bored of being the only one awake, so he slid closer and ran a hand up the other man’s bare chest. Bro pressed his lips to the soft patch of skin on Egbert’s neck just below his ear and murmured, “Hey, you. Wake up and keep me company, would ya?” Egbert shifted and opened his eyes, smiling when Bro pulled away to make eye contact. “Good morning to you too, Broderick.” “Morning.” Bro leaned in to kiss him while Egbert’s hands slipped around his waist. He would have been perfectly happy with staying this way for the rest of the day, lying in bed with Egbert in a tangle of limbs, but he begrudgingly accepted that it couldn’t last forever. They had to get their kids sooner or later, after all, and then the magic of their previous night alone would fade back into the normalcy of juggling their relationship with two teenage boys. Egbert was the first one to break the spell of the early-morning lethargy. “All right, time to get up,” he said, patting Bro on the rear. Bro grumbled, wanting to laze around in bed for a little while longer, but he relented. He sat up and stretched, the sheets slipping off and pooling around him. “Why don’t you go take a shower while I start making breakfast? Are pancakes okay?” Bro had secretly been hoping to shower with Egbert, but his stomach growled and he decided that this was probably the best idea. “Yeah, sure,” he said, watching in mild disappointment as Egbert put on a bathrobe to make himself decent, as he had been enjoying the view. “And pancakes sound pretty fucking ace right about now.” When Egbert made his way downstairs to begin cooking, Bro sidled over to the bathroom and glanced over its contents. Nothing too surprising; it was immaculately clean, with fresh towels hanging neatly on their racks and a can of Barbasol and a razor in their places on the countertop. He pulled back the shower curtain and started running the water, drumming his fingers against the wall while he waited for it to heat up. This whole situation was still so surreal to him, but it made him indescribably happy to be here, in Egbert’s home after what was undoubtedly the best night of his life, getting ready to use his shower like it was the most natural thing on Earth. When the water was hot enough to fog up the mirror, Bro slipped in, sighing as the spray hit him. He had always been fond of his ablutions. There was just something soothing about being surrounded by hot water and letting it wash away all of his cares. He figured he shouldn’t take too long and crank up Egbert’s water bill, and besides, he was hungry and craving pancakes, so he began lathering himself up. He had to smirk to himself as he used Egbert’s Old Spice body wash so that he could smell like the man that his man smelled like.

Bro finished rinsing out his hair and shut off the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He shivered slightly when he opened the door and the cool air hit him, an unwelcome change from the sauna-like atmosphere of the bathroom. When he wandered back into Egbert’s room, he frowned slightly, unsure what he should do about the clothes situation. He didn’t want to wear the same outfit that he had worn the previous night, but he hadn’t had the foresight to bring a change of clothes with him. After a moment of intense deliberation, he said “fuck it” and began rifling through Egbert’s clothes, looking for something casual enough that he could wear. He unearthed a simple long sleeved shirt and the same pair of jeans that he borrowed light-years ago after that unfortunate incident in Egbert’s kitchen. As mortifying as it had been at the time, he found it almost nostalgic now as he got dressed. He had come a long way since then —he tried to not think about the number of times he had come embarrassingly close to ejaculating prematurely last night too, preferring to live in the state of De Nile— as had his relationship with Egbert. Bro slipped on his shades and jammed his baseball cap over his damp hair, not caring too much about the hat hair that was bound to ensue. He stepped out into the hallway and took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma of freshly cooked pancakes that wafted up the stairs. “Goddamn, that smells good,” he remarked, stepping into the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. Egbert looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you. Hopefully they’ll taste as good.” “Egbert,” Bro informed him, “anything you make tastes good. Now give me some, I’m drooling over here.” “Gladly.” Egbert acquiesced and slid a stack of pancakes in front of him before settling in at the seat across the table with his own plate. “Yeah, you got nothing to worry about,” Bro said through a mouthful of pancakes, digging in with gusto. “If I could marry food, I’d make this stack of pancakes my blushing bride.” Egbert snorted with laughter in a most ungentlemanly fashion, and Bro grinned, proud of his achievement. Breakfast passed far too quickly for his liking, and before Bro knew it, it was almost time for them to collect their kids from the Nitram apartment. “Would you mind if I take a quick shower first?” Egbert asked as they headed upstairs. Bro shook his head. “Nah, go for it,” he said, flopping down on the unmade bed. “Go get ready, I’ll just chill here for a bit.” Egbert gathered up a change of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. Bro stretched and looked around the empty room, which still bore the signs of the previous night’s activities. He figured the least he could do was try to help out, so he got up and began picking up stray articles of clothing. He had no idea where to put them, since he was pretty sure he had spotted the laundry hamper in the now-occupied bathroom, so he gathered them up in his arms and fell back on the bed. When Egbert emerged from the bathroom, clean-shaven and dressed, he found Bro lying on his bed with a mound of clothes on top of him. “What are you doing?” he asked, unable to keep from laughing. “Oh.” Bro sat up, still clutching the clothes. “I wanted to do something, so I thought I’d pick up all of our shit from last night, but I didn’t know what to do with it since you were in the bathroom.” “Well, thank you, that’s a very considerate thing to do. Tell you what, give me your clothes and I’ll wash them first thing when we get back from picking up John and Dave, and I’ll return them to you as soon as possible. I’ll do the rest of the laundry later.” “Okay, cool.” Bro picked out the articles of clothing that belonged to him and handed them over so that Egbert could fold them neatly and put them at the top of the stairs as a reminder. When Egbert returned to the room, Bro was still holding the remainder of the clothes, almost as if he had forgotten all about them. He went to his hat stand to pick out a fedora and asked, “Broderick, can I have my clothes back? I need to put them in the laundry hamper.” “No.” Egbert turned to look at him, arching his eyebrows. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I mean, I’m keeping them,” Bro elaborated. “Why do you want to keep my clothes?” Egbert asked with unyielding patience. “I dunno, so I can remember last night forever, or some equally sentimental bullshit like that?” “You don’t need my clothes for that, Broderick. You’ll have me there to remind you of that every day.” Bro was pretty sure that his stomach just somersaulted, and a wide grin spread across his face before he had a chance to stop it. He cleared his throat and attempted to regain his composure. “Oh. Well. In that case…” He gave an offhand shrug and handed over the clothes, which Egbert took from him and dumped in the laundry hamper. Egbert offered him an outstretched hand, and Bro accepted it, using it as leverage to stand up. “Guess it’s time to go get the little shits, then?” Egbert made a scandalized noise and nudged him in the side. “Broderick!” Bro cracked up and elbowed him in return, laughing as they made their way out to the car, hands still linked together. -------------------------- Less than twenty minutes later, they were standing outside the Nitrams’ apartment. When Rufio answered the door, Bro had to raise his eyebrows in surprise. “Wow.” Rufio’s hair, his crowning glory, was an unkempt, floppy mess of black and red, a far cry from the styled masterpiece that he wouldn’t be caught dead without. “Rough night?” “You have no idea,” Rufio stated dryly. He pointed to the three kids who were sitting at the kitchen table, all of whom looked exhausted but happy as they munched on Eggo waffles drenched in maple syrup. “Take them.” “Oh dear.” Egbert sighed. “What happened?” Bro was already peering into the living room, which looked like a disaster area, to say the least. “The fuck did we miss last night?” “Uh, well, let’s see,” Rufio began, folding his arms over his chest. “First they played ding-dong-ditch up and down the hallways until I got a phone call from the neighbors asking me to rein them in. then when I made them get their asses back in here, they decided to make a pillow fort—” “—war bunker—” Dave corrected him. “—sorry, war bunker in the middle of the living room, using my expensive stereo equipment as weights and staples for fasteners, then proceeded to stay up until 2 A.M. playing video games at full volume. With a break for improvised nachos using whatever they found in the kitchen, which was actually the best part of the night, since they were pretty damn good.” “They actually let you have some of their nachos? Damn, you must be doing something right if they like you that much.” “I think it was a peace offering. Or a distraction for when they decided to play the ‘who can light their hand on fire the longest using hand sanitizer’ game.” “Tavros won!” John informed the adults, wiping excess maple syrup from his mouth with the back of his hand. “Yeah, Tav served up some seriously sick fires last night,” Dave said, and Bro was pretty sure that that was pride in his expression as he glanced across the table at Tavros, who beamed back at him. “Not gonna lie, they were some truly unhealthy incendiaries…” Tavros boasted, trying and failing to sound modest. “Yeah, unhealthy in that you could burn your fucking hand off, and then where would we be? Didn’t I teach you anything growing up?” Rufio told his son, his sleep-deprived irritation clearly visible. “Also, someone had the brilliant idea to replace my hair gel with honey,” he finished, turning back to the two adults. “John…” Egbert gave his son a stern look, and he broke out into a fit of guilty giggles, quickly joined by his two partners-in-crime. Bro had to struggle to keep from laughing himself. “Come on, that sounds like every thirteen-year-old’s wet dream of a sleepover. You and me would totally do the same things, don’t even try to deny it.” “Yeah, well, when you’re supposed to be the responsible one and you’re the one bearing the brunt of everything, it’s not half as much fun.” “Well, I am sorry you had to put up with it all, and rest assured, I will be having a chat with John later. Speaking of which, I think it’s time we get going, champ,” Egbert added, addressing his son.

“Yeah, let’s not overstay our welcome,” Bro chimed in with a smirk. “Let Ruf catch some Zs, the man deserves them.” “Aww,” John said, and Dave’s slight frown mirrored the sentiment. “Well, I had fun! Thanks for having us, Mr. Nitram, and sorry about the hair gel – but you have to admit it was pretty funny!” “Hilarious,” Rufio said dryly, trying to separate a chunk of sticky hair that had started to harden. He didn’t mess around when it came to his hair, and he wasn’t happy about losing a brand new bottle of spiking gel, but he supposed it would be funny in retrospect. “Bye, Tavros!” John said, turning to grab his duffel bag and sling it over his shoulder. “Yeah, later, man,” Dave said with a little half-smile, nodding at him. “See you,” Tavros replied, grinning at him as they made eye contact. Dave’s eyes lingered for a second too long on Tavros, and Bro mouthed the words “eye fucking” at Rufio over the tops of their heads. I know, Rufio silently mouthed in return. Did they… Bro jerked his head at their kids, figuring that he would know exactly what he was asking, and he did. Rufio shrugged his shoulders. Not that I noticed, no. Bro opened his mouth to reply but promptly snapped it shut when Dave finally tore his gaze away from Tavros and turned around to face him. “Bro, what are you doing?” “Things that you’re not cool enough to comprehend,” he breezily answered, brushing the question aside. “Anyway, let’s split. See you at work tomorrow, Ruf, thanks for watching the brats.” After one last chorus of goodbyes, the door to the Nitram apartment shut behind its guests, and the four of them headed downstairs. “Well, I suppose I should wish you goodbye now,” Egbert said when they emerged onto the sidewalk. “I think I ought to have a talk with my son about appropriate and inappropriate pranks to play in other people’s houses.” “Daaaad…” John rolled his eyes but gave Dave a fist bump while Bro leaned into Egbert to sneak a kiss goodbye. Bro and Dave set off in the opposite direction on foot when the Egberts’ car pulled away from the curb. “So, you had a good time?” Bro asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, it was pretty sweet.” Dave still had an uncharacteristic smile lingering on his face, so Bro tried probing further. “What did you do?” “Dunno, Rufio pretty much covered it all,” Dave replied evasively, shrugging. Bro had to physically keep himself from sighing but decided not to press further, figuring that maybe nothing really had happened between Dave and Tavros after all. Their afternoon passed relatively uneventfully, like most Saturdays in the Strider residence. They had an impromptu video game marathon, in which Bro soundly thrashed Dave’s ass, and an argument about the aesthetic qualities of smuppets over microwaved hot pockets before splitting up to go about their own business. It was late evening when Dave emerged from his bedroom, and Bro was taking a leaf out of Rufio’s book and trolling people on Delirious Biznasty under his Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff inspired handle DUMBHOMOTOOL. “Hey, Bro.” Bro looked up from his computer to find Dave standing in the hall doorway, brandishing the sword that John had gotten him for his birthday. “Let’s strife.” Bro chose not to question the fact that this was the first time that Dave picked this particular sword, which he hadn’t so much as touched since John’s rejection of him, to strife with. It was enough to know that he’d finally moved on. “You’re on.” Dave nodded once. “Meet you on the roof.” He disappeared through the door, and Bro turned back to Delirious Biznasty. He typed out a quick farewell “piece out num fuks *ollies outy*” before shutting down his browser and standing up. He grabbed his best katana from its spot of honor above his turntables and set off for the roof.

When he opened the door that led out to the rooftop, Dave was waiting for him and immediately lunged at him. Bro, who had been expecting this, reacted with lightning quick reflexes and flashstepped around him, landing a blow on his side with the blunt edge of his sword that made Dave grunt. He twisted around to retaliate, but Bro was already on the opposite side of the roof. Dave charged, katana at the ready, and Bro stood stock-still, not moving until the very last second possible. Just when Dave thought that he would actually be able to land a blow, Bro darted to the left, clipping him on the back of the leg in a mocking gesture. Dave didn’t miss a beat and rounded on him once more, slicing at him with remarkable agility. Bro had to duck for once, the katana whistling in the air over his head, and he was begrudgingly impressed. Dave was improving, and pride welled up inside of him. His kid was really growing up. For a split second of insanity, he considered throwing the match and letting Dave win the strife for a change of pace, just to give him a confidence boost – but then he immediately decided against it, writing it off as a lame move. He’d let Dave know that he was proud of him later, after he wiped the floor with his ass. Dave swung at him again, and Bro met his blade mid-air with a satisfying clang of metal on metal. He sent Dave stumbling backwards with a single push, and the next thing the younger Strider knew, his brother was bearing down on him. He fell back with every slash, trying to defend himself, but Bro was relentless and knocked him to the ground. Dave let out an “oof” as he hit the floor, wincing slightly and rubbing his ass. He didn’t even seem upset at being defeated, however, picking himself up off the ground and dusting himself off. He rested his sword on his shoulder and looked out over the city. From this height, he could pick out the Nitrams’ apartment building, and a flicker of satisfaction crossed his face. Bro, who had been studying him with a hawk-like gaze, spoke up. “Dude, you’ve been walking around like you’re on cloud nine all day. What’s up?” “Nothing, what are you talking about?” Dave maintained, wiping his face of all emotions. “I’m talking about the fact that ever since I picked you up, you’ve been acting like a giddy schoolgirl.” “What the fuck, no I haven’t!” Dave protested. “Hate to break it to you, little bro, but you kinda have. So what happened?” Bro sat down on the edge of the roof, swinging his legs over the ledge of the apartment building. He beckoned at Dave to come over and patted the ground next to him. “Come on, come tell papa,” he said in his most ironic fatherly voice. Dave gave in and sat down next to him. “Alright, whatever, but if we’re gonna do this, it’s gotta be a completely nonironic conversation. And it’s stupid anyway.” “Yeah well, you’re stupid, so it’s all cool,” Bro casually informed him. “Don’t even talk to me about being stupid, you dumb homo tool, you are the big man of being stupid. It is you. But what the fuck, are we talking about this or not?” “Where doing it man.” “Where making this happen.” Dave paused to wet his lips and collect his thoughts. “There’s no cool way to say this, fuck—” “Just spit it out,” Bro advised. Dave took a deep breath. “I got my first kiss last night,” he said, his words tumbling out in a hurried rush. “Yeah?” Bro said, a grin curling his lips.

“Yeah.” Dave’s façade cracked and he started to grin himself. As he watched him, face bathed in the orange glow of the setting sun, Bro had to marvel at how much younger Dave looked when he let himself smile. He looked his age, like a fourteen-year-old who had found love for the first time. “John was the first one to pass out like a pussy, so we went up to the roof to eat raw cookie dough out of the tube and chill without waking him up. And Tav, uh. Kinda planted one on me.” Bro snorted and ruffled Dave’s hair. “Guess the little squirt finally got up some courage after all. Rufio’s gonna be so proud. But I hope you showed him how the smooth dudes do it and gave him a proper kiss. Be a fucking gentleman, Dave, don’t let the lady do all the work.” “It’s none of your fucking business if I did,” Dave retorted as he fixed his mussed-up hair, but the giddy smile that he failed to conceal said it all. That maybe he had, once, twice, until they finally got it right. “Guess I owe it to you, though. You’re the one who introduced me to the dork in the first place.” “Pfft.” Bro shook his head. “Yesterday must have been a night for firsts, because I had sex for the first time last night.” Dave raised his eyebrows and gave Bro a silent fist bump of respect while doing his best to not think about his big brother and his best friend’s father in bed together, focusing instead on regaining his poker face. “Yeah,” Bro said, nodding once to affirm his statement. “And the funny thing is, I owe that to you. You’re the one who introduced me to Egbert, and as pathetically sappy as it is, I can’t picture being without him. So I guess what I’m saying is… thanks, little bro.” The corner of Dave’s mouth lifted. “Let’s just call it even, yeah?” he said in response. Bro matched his half-smile, sunglasses gleaming in the last rays of the setting sun. “Fair enough.” He draped an arm over his little brother’s shoulders, and the two Striders sat there together, gazing up at the dimming sky as the red-hot sun sank beneath the horizon and another day in Houston drew to a close.

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #homestuck #my fanfiction #brodad #Houston we have a problem

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 17

(Finally, the last full chapter of HWHAP! There's going to be one more update, but it won't be so long (and hopefully won't take as much time to write, ahahaha) and is going to be more of an epilogue, wrapping everything up. I might do a sequel, but right now, my energy is going into finishing this! Gonna start writing the next update right after I post this. xD Thanks for bearing with me and my sporadic updates, guys! You're the best. <3)

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: R

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

-------------------------- Even with the underwear crisis resolved, Bro was still faced with the daunting task of choosing what else to wear for his evening out with Egbert. He hadn’t been so nervous since their first date, and he knew that it was largely because of the magnitude of this date and what was sure to follow it. However, part of his anxiety was due to the fact that he had not the slightest idea what appropriate musical-going attire was. “Yo, Dave, I need a queer eye for the fashion-challenged guy here,” he said, poking his head into the bedroom. “What the fuck does one wear to a play, exactly?” Dave looked up from the rusty orange text that filled his screen. “Dude, do I look like I’m the royal dispenser for fashion advice? I have no fucking clue, I've never seen a play in my life. Unless you count the school production of The Wizard of Oz, in which case I’d say that you should wear a fanny pack and soccer mom shorts.” Bro stared at him, thoroughly unamused. “Fine, I don’t love you either, Dave. I’m going to ask Cal.” He withdrew his head and, grabbing a pile of options from the hallway closet, entered the living room, where Lil’ Cal was chilling out on the couch. “S’up, little man?” he asked, dropping the armful of clothes onto the floor and giving Cal a respectful fistbump in greeting. “Dave’s being a douche again, so I need your help. And I’ve gotta preclude this with a disclaimer: we both know that my levels of chillness are through the roof. I exude astronomical amounts of cool from my very pores. Maybe I was born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline. Anyway, of course that extends to my wardrobe. I possess only the flyest of threads and the dopest of rags. But that doesn’t mean I have any fucking idea about which I should wear tonight. I don’t do this whole fancy night out on the town shit. And since you’re my wingman and all, I figured I could count on you for help. You’re a dependable man, Cal, unlike certain other members of this household.” Bro methodically sorted his clothing into a semi-circle, sectioning it off into wedges based on the type of clothing. “Alright, little dude, you know what to do.” He gently tossed Lil’ Cal into the air so that he fell on the floor with a soft fwump, his floppy arms splayed in the direction of a solid white button-down shirt. Softer and more comfortable than a more formal dress shirt, but still nice enough to look sharp. He had to commend himself on thinking to consult with Cal, who always knew best. He repeated his little game until he had a complete outfit picked out. “Sport coat and tie and black jeans? Aight, Cal, I’m trusting your judgment here,” Bro said, nodding at him in approval. He wasn’t too worried; Lil’ Cal had never steered him wrong before, but he was venturing into unexplored territory here with an unfamiliar public venue and a lot riding on how this date went. He dumped the rejects onto the futon to deal with later and scooped up his planned outfit. On his way to the hallway, he stopped to grab an orange baseball cap from the collection of hats that spilled all over his spare soundboard and old mixing gear. It matched his tie, after all. Bro spent a good hour and a half in the bathroom showering and getting ready until Dave started pounding on the door and hollering.

“Bro, you’ve been in there for forever! I seriously need to pee, it’s like fucking Christmas up in my bladder here and what do you know, you’re commandeering the bathroom like you’re Captain Kirk and the toilet is the goddamn Starship Enterprise. And if I don’t get to the Enterprise in the next thirty seconds, I’m gonna make like a redshirt and croak. Bones is gonna have a field day with this one, turning to you all grimly and just pronouncing, ‘He’s dead, Jim.’ And it’s gonna be all your fault, because you’re being a dick and still lingering in impulse when you should be hitting warp drive. Hey, can you at least do me a favor and like, I don’t know, transport all this urine that’s just kind of brewing inside me like the most vile batch of coffee to ever grace this side of the galaxy to the toilet, before I go and whiz all over your precious smuppets? Beam it up, Scotty! Dude, are you even listening to me?” “What? Sorry, all I can hear is ‘Blah blah blah, I’m a whiny little bitch with a bladder the size of a pea.’ And yes, pun totally intended.” Bro turned to the side and puffed out his chest to check himself out in the mirror while Dave cussed him out on the other side of the door. Finally, he deemed himself date-worthy and decided to let his little brother out of his misery, so he swung open the door. “How do I look?” he asked Dave, hitching his thumbs in his lapels and giving him his most winning smile. “Like a fresh summer daisy. Now let me go, Jesus Christ. I was this fucking close to pissing in a bottle and swapping it with your apple juice.” Dave forcefully shoved past Bro and slammed the door shut, making a mad dash for the toilet. “You wouldn’t dare.” “Oh yeah? Don’t test me,” Dave challenged as he relieved himself. “I have got to stop letting you hanging out with the mini-Egbert,” Bro commented, leaning against the wall and folding his arms. “His dumbass movies are rubbing off on you. Speaking of which, hurry up, we should probably head over to Ruf’s soon.” Bro waited for a full fifteen seconds, listening attentively. “…Are you still peeing?” “Fuck you,” Dave said, but he finally flushed the toilet and there was the sound of running water as he washed his hands. “Let’s go,” he said, opening the door and grabbing the overnight bag he had deposited in the hallway. Bro snickered and went to snatch up his keys and wallet. As they headed down the street in the direction of the Nitrams’ apartment building, Bro tried to convince himself that there wasn’t a colony of butterflies flitting around in his stomach like it was the motherfucking Botanical Gardens. -------------------------- When they knocked on the door to the apartment, Tavros was the one who answered, flinging the door open and greeting Dave with a huge grin. “Heyyy!” he enthused. “Hey Dave!” John piped up from behind Tavros, waving hello with equal gusto. “Pfft. Dorks.” Dave shook his head, but a telltale smile was quirking the corner of his mouth. “S’up,” Bro said, but he was already looking over the boys’ heads in search for his bro and his date. His eyes lit up when he spotted Egbert sitting at the cramped kitchen table with Rufio, sipping a mug of coffee. “Hey,” he said, sidling over to the table. “Sorry we’re a little late. Dave was taking a legendary infinite leak, blame him.” Dave punched Bro in the arm. “Dude, I wouldn’t have had to take a legendary infinite leak if you didn’t lock yourself in the bathroom for like an hour and a half. Don’t even try to pin this on me.” “Hey, primping ain’t easy.” Bro’s eyes flicked over to Egbert, who was smiling broadly, the implications of the remark failing to escape him. “Yeah, yeah… It takes time to look this good. All for you, babe.” He added the semi-ironic term of endearment for good measure, enjoying the groans it elicited from their respective kids. He never ceased to take amusement from embarrassing Dave. Egbert laughed good-naturedly and stood up. “I’m flattered,” he said, giving him a chaste kiss hello. “Annnd just like that, I’m out,” Dave said, swiveling around on the spot. “Later, Bro. Tav, be a gentleman and show me to your room?” he added in an undertone. Tavros’s face lit up in delight. “Oh, yeah, right this way!”

“Yeah, I’m with you guys!” John hastily chimed in, setting off after Dave and Tavros. “Bye, Dad!” “Goodbye, son. Behave!” Egbert called after him, a slight note of warning in his voice, just as Bro replied to Dave’s parting words. “Later, asswipe. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Egbert turned and gave him a look. “What?” Bro said, spreading his hands wide defensively. “If he’s rude to me, I’m rude to him right back. How else is he gonna learn?” “Far be it from me to question your methods of parenting, Broderick. But I believe we ought to get going now – we do have a show to catch, after all.” A thrill of excitement coursed through Bro as he remembered where exactly they were going. “Yeah. Yeah, this is going to be pretty fucking sweet.” “Have fun,” Rufio said, smirking at Bro and raising a knowing eyebrow. “Oh, I will,” Bro replied, his voice laden with innuendo as he gave him a parting fistbump. “You have a nice night too, Rufio,” Egbert said as they walked to the front door. “You have my number if you need to call me at any point, and I ought to wish you good luck. You’ll need it, with three teenage boys running rampant.” Bro laughed. “Yeah, don’t really envy you there, bro.” “I can handle it, no biggie. I got through Tav’s stage when he was like four and wanted to practice flying by jumping off of every high surface imaginable, I can get through one night with the three of them. You guys go have a good night.” “Alright, see you tomorrow, man.” Rufio shut the door behind him, and Egbert took hold of Bro’s hand. “You look very handsome tonight,” he told him as they headed for the elevator. “That hour and a half was worth it,” he added, his eyes twinkling. “Yeah?” Bro said, the warm glow of pride tinting his ears a faint pink. “Not too casual?” he asked, doing a poor job at concealing the worry that still kept him slightly on edge. “You’re a little more dressed up than I am, but I guess that’s always the case.” “You’re perfect,” Egbert reassured him, squeezing his hand. Bro smiled and squeezed back, his anxiety assuaged. “It’s unironic how fucking excited I am for this,” he commented as he slipped into the familiar passenger seat of Egbert’s car. “I’ll confess that I haven’t had a chance to listen to any of the songs, so I’m quite looking forward to it myself,” Egbert said. “It’ll be an adventure, I’m sure.” “You’re not ready,” Bro informed him. “No?” “Nope. This shit’s gonna blow your mind. Hell, it’s gonna blow my mind, and I’m prepared because at least I know the music.” He paused before saying ‘fuck it’ to appropriate behavior and added, “And maybe that’s not the only thing that’s getting blown tonight…” Egbert made a scandalized noise and exclaimed, “Broderick!” Bro raised the palms of his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry, sorry!” he said, laughing. “Spoiler alert: I’m not really sorry.” “I gathered as much. When are you ever sorry for the things you say?” “Yeah, pretty much never.” Bro cleared his throat awkwardly. His voice was low and a little bit unsure as he said, “No, but seriously, I’d, uh, be down for that…” Egbert glanced over at him and smiled. “A fine idea, but let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves now.” “Right, right.” Bro wiped his palms on his jeans, a little disturbed with the way that his hands were sweating. It wasn’t cool in the slightest, both figuratively and literally. “Date first, sex afterwards.” “There’s nothing to be nervous about, Broderick,” Egbert informed him as he swiveled the wheel of the car, making a right turn at a stoplight. Not for the first time, Bro was vaguely unsettled at Egbert’s ability to see right through him. “I’m not nervous, why the fuck would I be nervous,” he protested. “That’s not even close to being a thing, man.” “If you say so,” Egbert replied, his voice mild and non-confrontational. “I do say so,” Bro said, folding his arms across his chest, and that was that.

When they arrived at the theatre, Bro had to consciously work to keep from embarrassing himself in public and contain his emotions, maintaining that carefully cultivated poker face. He did well until they approached the theatre and he halted to look at the posters promoting the Avenue Q production, each featuring a close-up of a puppet and a corresponding tagline: “I am not a closeted homowhatever!” “Slightly overweight puppet seeking soulmate.” “What the fuzz are you looking at?” “Warning: Full puppet nudity!” Egbert drew up short when he realized that Bro was no longer with him. He turned around to find him staring at the posters, an expression of complete and utter glee on his face. “Broderick?” he questioned, cocking his head. “Shh, give me a second.” Bro held his hand up for a moment of silence. “I’m just basking in the glory of Avenue Q. Fuck, is this seriously my life right now? I’m not just dreaming or some such shit like that, right?” Egbert’s lips twitched into a smile. “I assure you that you’re not,” he said, reaching for his hand and lightly tugging him along. “Now come along, let’s get inside so we can find our seats before the show starts.” Still slightly dazed, Bro allowed Egbert to lead him into the theatre and present their tickets. When he saw the location of their seats, close enough to the stage to see every detail clearly, but not so close that they would have to strain their necks or deal with overly loud sound, he turned to Egbert with a look of utmost adoration. “I could kiss you,” he stated. “And I would, except I don’t think the middle of the theatre is the best place to go getting our mack on, so I’ll refrain.” “Besides, plenty of time for that later,” Egbert said with a mischievous glint in his eye that made Bro long even more to dip him into a kiss, but he chose to distract himself by burying his face in the playbill. When the theatre lights dimmed and the first strains of cheerful Sesame Street style music begin to play, Bro impulsively grabbed Egbert’s hand, unable to contain his excitement any longer. “This is already so fucking ironic, I love it,” Bro hissed into his ear. Egbert squeezed his hand in response and gave him a sidelong glance. Bro’s attention was riveted on the television screen onstage and its satirical introductory video segment, an adult parody of classic educational children’s TV, and Egbert had to smile at his look of sheer rapture. He turned his attention back to the stage as the television was cleared away and the upbeat notes of “It Sucks to Be Me” started up. -------------------------- The first act flew by in a whirl of song, color, and perverse humor. “Are you enjoying the production so far?” Egbert asked when the lights brightened to signal the intermission. “Yes,” Bro immediately answered. “Hell yes. Hell fucking yes, I am thoroughly enjoying this. Shit, these puppeteers are legendary, the music’s even better when it’s live, and the whole thing’s just fucking hilarious. What’s not to like? My one critique would be that sex scene, though. It was crude, no finesse to it – it’s not just about two puppets humping wildly, that’s an amateur move. And those cutaways to under the covers? A cheap copout.” Egbert propped his chin in his hand and listened attentively to his every word. If you had told him that one day he would be having a conversation about the finer mechanics of puppet sex, he wouldn’t have believed it, but here he was. “Well, I can’t claim that the domain of puppet copulation is exactly my area of expertise, but perhaps it was intentional, for the purposes of humor?” “Mmn, you might be right,” Bro conceded. “But what can I say, I’m a professional, it bugs me when it’s not done right.” Suddenly concerned that he was the only one who was getting something out of this date, he tried to gauge Egbert’s levels of interest in the musical. “So, uh, are you enjoying it too?” “I am!” Egbert said, and Bro breathed a silent sigh of relief. “It’s entertaining, if rather politically incorrect, but charming. I must say that I find Rod’s character to be fascinating.” “The closeted homowhatever. Yeah, agreed. I feel like a pussy, but I always get kind of choked up—”

“—during the “Fantasies Come True” song? I felt terrible for him at the end, when he realized that he was dreaming!” “Exactly!” Bro said emphatically. Having someone commiserate with him on the topic made him elated. Despite his best efforts to induct him into the Avenue Q cult, Dave didn’t harbor the same intense love for it that he did. “Poor guy. Then getting outed at the wedding by his roommate. Harsh.” “I suppose it’s too much to hope for that he would end up with Nicky somehow?” Bro, who naturally already knew the outcome, grinned wryly as they stood up to stretch out their legs and take a short walk before the start of the second act. “Maybe, but I’m not gonna spoil it for you.” He was high on life, exhilarated at the chance to see the show of his dreams and thrilled that he wasn’t alone in liking it. As they headed up the center aisle, he snuck an arm around Egbert’s waist, his subtle way of showing his appreciation. As they continued to discuss their first impressions, all he could think about was that he was quite possibly the luckiest man on the planet. -------------------------- By the time the actors took their final bows, Bro was officially rendered speechless. “Was it as good as you expected?” Egbert asked as they left the theatre and stepped out into the crisp night air. “Fuck, yes. If not better,” Bro said as soon as he regained the ability to speak. “Best date ever. God,” he sighed, looping his arms around Egbert’s waist. “What did I do to deserve someone like you? I never thought in a million years that someone would do something like this for me.” “What do you mean?” “Taking me out on a date to watch the play that I’ve pretty much fantasized about seeing ever since it debuted on Broadway in 2003. I’m not stupid, I know that my puppet thing’s a little weird, and a lot of people would be turned off by it. But you, you’re willing to humor me on that.” “It’s not humoring you if I genuinely enjoy it as well,” Egbert replied. “And besides,” he added, his lips curving into a smile, “I like making you happy.” Bro shook his head but returned the smile with his own lopsided grin. “You’re too good to me,” he simply stated. He tipped his head forward to rest his forehead against Egbert’s. He was feeling strangely sappy and didn’t want to let go, so he softly hummed the first few bars of “Fantasies Come True” to himself and swayed his hips from side to side, rocking Egbert in his arms. “Broderick, we’re in public,” Egbert reminded him, glancing self-consciously at the people milling about them. “So? I can dance with my boyfriend in public if I want, it’s a free country.” Egbert gave in. Asides from a few peculiar looks, they weren’t drawing too much attention to themselves. You had to be fairly open-minded to attend and sit through a production of Avenue Q, after all. He wrapped his arms around Bro’s waist as well, his hands settling comfortably on the small of his back. Bro didn’t break his gaze as they slowly revolved on the spot, mesmerized by his calm, blue eyes. By the time that he spoke up again, most of the crowd had dispersed, leaving them lost in their private little world, illuminated by the soft glow of the streetlamps and the full moon in the night sky. “You know, you swept me off my feet since that first day we met. I’m still that helpless little dust bunny in the roaring cacophony of your automated leaf blower. And I’m pretty amazed that you’ve put up with me for this long.” “You say that as though being with you is a burden.” “Well, maybe not a burden, but it is a little strange. Come on, I know I’m not exactly normal, you’ve gotta admit that.” Bro wouldn’t call himself insecure, exactly – he was comfortable with himself and didn’t care what other people thought of him, but having someone cater to his interests was new to him. And it left him wondering whether or not he was good enough for Egbert, who deserved someone who wasn’t quite so out there.

Egbert seemed to sense his worries, because he slid one hand up his back and around to brush his cheek. “Perhaps most people wouldn’t call you ‘normal,’ as constrictive as that term is in its conventional sense, but frankly, I don’t want ‘normal.’ It would get awfully boring after a while. You’re unique, and I wouldn’t have you any other way, because I love you for who you are. I hope you know that, Broderick.” Bro felt a smile curling his lips of its own accord as what could only be described as warm fuzzies spread throughout his body. His heart was feeling full, and he responded by leaning in to kiss Egbert. “I love you too, you sap,” he said when he pulled away, letting go of him. Instead, he reached for his hand, lacing his fingers through Egbert’s. “Come on, I think we have a date with your bed.” “You are certainly right, we do.” They walked to where Egbert had parked the car, but before he could so much as unlock the door, Bro stopped him. “Hang on,” he said suddenly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I was going to wait until we got in the car, but then I remembered how much I hate that fucking cockblock of a joystick between the seats. Since I know we’re gonna get sidetracked as soon as we get back to your place, I wanted to say it now. Thanks for tonight. You seriously have no idea how much it means to me.” He cupped Egbert’s face in his hands and leaned in to kiss him. He didn’t care that they were still standing on the sidewalk, where anyone could see them. All he cared about was now, this very moment, when his love for Egbert overwhelmed any desire to be inconspicuous. For a split second, Bro was afraid that he would pull away, but instead, he smiled into the kiss and returned it, his hands settling lightly on his hips. Encouraged, Bro pushed him against the car and parted his lips to deepen the kiss, but as soon as he pressed up against Egbert's crotch, the other man placed a warning hand on his chest. "What?" he said as he stumbled back, already half-hard and vaguely disoriented. “What did I say earlier about getting ahead of ourselves?” “Uh.” Bro tried to clear his foggy head and think back to their previous conversation. “Don’t do it?” “Exactly.” Egbert unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for Bro to get in, which he did, grumbling all the while. “You weren’t complaining just now…” “Of course I wasn’t. But we were standing in the middle of the street, so let’s be rational,” he reasoned as he started the engine. “You’ve given me your thank you kiss, and it was lovely, but let’s at least get home first before we continue.” Bro stared down at his lap, trying to will away his hard-on. His mind was a mess, a confused jumble of lust, nerves, and confusion. He had reacted viscerally to the contact, and he was overwhelmed with the sudden force with which he craved Egbert’s touch. Their date had only reconfirmed his intense love for the other man, and now all of the sexual frustration that had built up over time was coming to a head. But even with his desire to jump Egbert’s bones, he was still battling the nervousness that had coiled in a tight ball inside of him. Bro drummed his fingers against his knee, silently contemplating the best course of action, before deciding that the most logical thing to do would be to just go the direct route. He casually reached across the gap between seats to rest his hand on Egbert’s knee. Egbert’s eyes flicked over to him, and he smiled, removing one hand from the wheel long enough to cover Bro’s hand with his own, larger palm. He just as quickly returned it to the wheel to make a careful turn, ever the cautious driver. Bro seized the opportunity to slide his hand up Egbert’s leg, his fingers curling around the inside of his thigh and inching higher— “Absolutely not,” Egbert said, and Bro looked up to find his back rigid and the faintest trace of pink coloring his cheeks. “You are going to get us into a car accident.” Bro let out a huff of air but withdrew his hand, and Egbert’s tense body visibly relaxed. He sat back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. Egbert glanced over at him and laughed, which only riled him up even further. “Don’t make that ridiculous face at me, Broderick.”

“You left me hanging, I can make this ridiculous face all I want.” “I wouldn’t have had to leave you hanging if you hadn’t been so intent on going so far in the middle of the street.” “I wasn’t going to go that far—” Bro scoffed. “Your body begs to differ.” “My body would love to be in intimate contact with yours right now.” “While I’m driving and could very well run the risk of crashing this car? We can be in intimate contact all you want as soon as we get home. Now stop whining.” “I’m not whining!” “Yes you are. You sound like John when he’s begging me to buy Fruit Gushers at the grocery store.” “Okay, first of all, don’t ever compare me to your kid again when I’m horny, it’s a major boner killer. And second of all, why are you stopping this car, if I have to go through one more delay, I’m gonna make like a banshee and scream.” “Broderick, we’re home.” “Oh.” Bro looked around the Egberts’ driveway as if seeing it for the first time. “Well, in that case, what are we waiting for.” Egbert chuckled. “You tell me.” Bro stared at him for a split second before hasting to unbuckle his seatbelt and scramble out of the car. He was on the doorstep before Egbert could get out of the front seat and lock the car. As soon as Egbert unlocked the front door and let them both inside, Bro was all over him like white on rice. Egbert laughed and tried to calm him down, treating him like an overexcited dog. “Down, boy,” he said, and Bro whined. “Can we at least make it to the bedroom first?” “I will gladly shag you on your living room floor, but fine. I’ll do it your way.” He followed Egbert up the stairs, his heart all but beating a tattoo into his chest. He took a few surreptitious deep breaths, trying to calm himself down and not act like a sex-crazed maniac. He was cool. He was completely and utterly cool and his composure was not cracking in the slightest. Still, he was keen to see the interior of Egbert’s room. His curiosity was piqued, having never had the opportunity to visit his bedroom before. And when he stepped through the door, Bro took the time to look around and drink in the sight of his personal quarters. It was vastly different from his own living space, but then again, they had vastly different personalities. Bro decided that he liked it, and he told Egbert so. “It reminds me of you. Very sensible.” He ran his hand over the rack of ties and paused at the dresser to flip through the assortment of recipe cards and sentimental photographs of John as a toddler. “Even if it does look like the Dadly Depot had one too many to drink and threw up all over everything.” Egbert snorted as he began unbuttoning his suit jacket. “I’m not sure if that was meant to be a compliment, but I’m choosing to take it as one.” “Well, yeah, it’s a compliment. You’re like the epitome of the perfect dad, and it shows. So, who’s this douchebag?” Bro asked, nodding at the picture hanging above Egbert’s bed. Egbert gave him an odd look. “Please do not tell me that you don’t know who Bing Crosby is.” “Who?” Egbert raised his eyes to the ceiling despairingly. “Remind me to educate you later. But right now, I can think of better things to spend my time doing.” And goddamn if that sultry look in his eyes didn’t make Bro’s cock jump to attention. He swallowed hard, trying to come up with an appropriately witty reply, but his brain had short-circuited, so he just stood there, feeling foolish with the bulge in his jeans painfully obvious and the red hot bundle of desire and nerves burning in the pit of his stomach. His eyes tracked Egbert’s movements as he slipped off his suit jacket and hung it over the back of a chair. He loosened his tie and sat down on the bed, holding his arms out to Bro. “Come here,” he simply said.

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Bro crossed the short gap to the bed and captured Egbert’s face in his hands, leaning down to seal the distance between them with a kiss. This was familiar territory; he was no stranger to sloppy makeouts of the Egbert variety. It was only when things progressed beyond sucking face, as he so romantically put it, that he started to freak out. But this – he could stay like this all night. If it wasn’t for the fact that standing was giving him a crick in his neck, that was. He crawled onto Egbert’s lap so that he was on the same level as him and wrapped his legs around his waist. Egbert ran his tongue over Bro’s lips, and Bro eagerly parted them to let him in. He cradled the back of his neck with one hand, fingers kneading the pressure points at the base of his skull and wordlessly urging Egbert on. But when the other man began to withdraw instead, Bro let out a discontented noise and nipped at his lower lip to express his disapproval. Egbert chuckled, and Bro unconsciously shuddered at the sensation of the vibrations against his skin. His frustrations melted away as Egbert shifted his attention to his neck, and he tipped his head back so that Egbert could press his lips to the underside of his jaw, that tender spot just above his Adam’s apple. Bro hummed in gratification as he meticulously traveled further south, tracing a path down the length of his throat until he reached his collarbone. Egbert shifted the collar of his shirt out of the way to gain access to his clavicle before sitting back to undo the loosely-knotted orange tie and start unbuttoning his shirt. “I think it’s time we got this off of you,” he said as he swiftly removed the tie and tossed it onto the rack where he kept his own collection of ties. “Yeah, same goes for you,” Bro said, concentrating on undoing Egbert’s own tie, but whatever type of knot Egbert used was beyond his comprehension, and he was pretty sure he was just knotting it further. He gave up when Egbert nudged his hands out of the way and undid it himself. “I’ve got this deep-seated burning desire to see your hunky manflesh, and this shirt is not conducive to my interests right now.” Egbert laughed and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before expertly undoing the rest of the buttons on his shirt. His practiced hand shifted to take care of his own dress shirt while Bro shrugged off his sports coat and button-down. Egbert let out a slightly strangled noise, and Bro looked up at him, suddenly realizing that he was wriggling around a bit too much in his attempt to extract his arms from the two layers of clothing. A wicked grin spread across his face at the knowledge that he was affecting Egbert and he purposefully grinded down into his lap to test the waters further. “You are impossible,” Egbert said, but there was no mistaking the sharp intake of breath as Bro rolled his hips forward again. “I don’t hear you complaining.” Bro snatched his fedora off his head and chucked it onto the hat stand by the bed. On second thought, he took off his own hat and lobbed it on there as well. The bright orange baseball cap stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the collection of muted fedoras, but the sight still warmed the cockles of his heart. He liked making his mark in Egbert’s bedroom, a visible sign of his presence in his life. “Hang on.” Egbert lifted his hands to his face, and Bro allowed him to slip off his sunglasses. “Your eyes really are exquisite,” he remarked as he gazed into orange-flecked eyes, eyes that had deepened to a red hue with time. “I don’t know why you keep them covered all the time.” Bro felt naked without the shades perched on the bridge of his nose, and he self-consciously raised a hand to his face. “Simple. They’re like a part of me at this point, I’ve been wearing them for so long. And it’s a helluva lot harder to keep your guard up with your eyes exposed.” “Well, I quite like it when I can see you with your guard down. And besides,” he added, and there was that mischievous, prankster’s glint in his eyes that always made Bro’s heartbeat quicken. “I’d like to be able to see every little thing you’re feeling when you’re underneath me. Or on top of me, as the case would be.”

“Oh, fuck,” Bro hissed, his breath catching in his chest. “How is that so hot?” He didn’t wait for an answer to his rhetorical question, simply throwing his arms around Egbert’s neck and clumsily kissing him, hard and insistent against the other man’s gentler lips. He didn’t even bother trying to disguise his need any longer, shamelessly grinding his hard-on against Egbert’s body and relishing in the way Egbert’s own arousal rubbed up against his own more sensitive parts. But where he was reckless and sloppy with his motions, Egbert was steady and in control, his deliberate actions only driving Bro even wilder. His hands rested on his hips, fingers curling into his belt loops to drag him closer. His thumbs hooked over the waistband of Bro’s jeans, tracing a pattern against the sharp lines of his pelvis. Bro finally broke away from the kiss with a gasp, shoving a hand between their bodies to grip himself through his pants. He shifted so that the back of his palm was flush against Egbert’s erection and arched his back as he pressed down into the contact. Egbert’s fingers tightened subtly, causing the fabric of the jeans to dig into his hips. After a few moments of improvised dry humping, Bro decided he couldn’t take it any longer and reluctantly withdrew his hand from between his legs “Okay,” he started to say, but his voice came out raspier than intended. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Okay, fuck, I need to get these jeans off before I cut off circulation downstairs or something drastic like that.” He wet his lips as the reality of what he was suggesting weighed down on him. He wanted this more than ever, and he mentally chastised himself for still being so nervous about it, but it was a deep-rooted worry, albeit an irrational one. Bro scooted off of Egbert’s lap and busied himself with undoing his fly, shoving his anxiety to a far corner of his mind. He was just about to pull down his jeans when he remembered something, and he grinned up at Egbert. “Oh, yeah, so I did what you said and just wore what I normally wear, boxers. But I did you one better – these boxers that I’m wearing? Made ‘em myself, they’re a Bro Strider original.” Egbert raised an eyebrow, intrigued in spite of himself. “Oh?” “Oh yeah. Steel yourself, your body’s not ready for this.” Bro tugged off his pants, and Egbert clapped a hand to his mouth in a gentlemanly attempt to keep from laughing uproariously. He failed miserably. Bro grinned, feeling much better about the situation. Using humor was his way of defusing the tension and deflecting his nerves, and it was working. “Yeah, so, you ever see those elephant boxers where your boner is literally the trunk?” he asked, casually placing a hand on his hip and pretending not to notice Egbert’s uncontrollable fit of laughter. It felt pretty damn good to reduce Egbert, who was both a master of practical japery and adroit at maintaining his composure, to stitches. “Figured I’d put my own little twist on the idea. Think I’m gonna trademark them, give them some kind of fancy name like Smuppet Dick Boxers or something equally awesome.” He turned to the side to give Egbert a clear view of his erection, which curved into the shape of a smuppet nose, framed by a bulbous white eye and a cheerful grin. The back of the boxers was tastefully shaded to emulate the perfect plushness of the smuppet derriere. It was a work of art. A beautiful, ironic work of art. “So, what do you think? Can my cock rock the look or what?” Egbert had managed to rein himself in at least somewhat. “You look very dashing in them,” he said, but the corner of his mouth was still twitching in barely-concealed laughter. “But I think they’d look better on the floor. I’d rather not have to service what appears to be a phallically shaped puppet nose.” “Ooh, smooth, I’ve always wanted someone to use that line on me,” Bro said, hooking his thumbs over his waistband and pulling them off. He tossed them off the side of the bed to join the rest of the discarded clothing and knelt to undo Egbert’s belt buckle. “What, servicing a phallically shaped puppet nose? Is this something I should be concerned about, Broderick?”

Bro let out a snort of laughter. “No, dipshit, I meant the ‘they’d look better on the floor’ remark. Obviously.” “Romantic as ever,” Egbert said, a twinge of irony in his voice. “I’m a classy dude, what can I say.” “If by classy, you mean ‘utterly ridiculous and occasionally goofy’, then yes, I’d say you are.” Egbert cupped Bro’s chin and kissed him. He still had to chuckle in amused disbelief when he pulled back. “I still cannot believe you wore those.” “Yeah, well, I’m a man of many surprises, you know. Can’t be tamed.” “Really, now?” Egbert’s blue eyes gleamed as he smiled at him. “Is that a challenge?” Bro swallowed, his cockiness bumped down a notch. “If you want it to be.” Egbert chose to answer nonverbally, pushing Bro flat on his back and hovering above him. Bro’s heartbeat quickened, but he managed to keep his voice steady and as seductive as he could muster. “Challenge accepted, I take it. And I guess if anyone could tame a Strider, it would be you. But I think there’s something wrong with this picture…” He slipped his hands around Egbert’s waist to cop a quick feel —he couldn’t help it, he was an ass man, he had to get his hands on him and assess the plushness of that rump, alright— before gravitating towards his crotch. “Come on, if we’re doing this, I’m not gonna be the only one completely naked, that’s just mad awkward.” “I would never dream of suggesting such a thing.” “Good, because I’m pretty damn ready to behold your glorious mangrit-infused physique.” Clumsy fingers fumbled with unbuttoning his pants, and he growled in frustration, tugging harder to try to rip them open. Egbert made a small noise in the back of his throat that warned him to be more careful with his good dress pants, but Bro was a man on a mission and too enthusiastic to care. Finally managing to undo his fly, he succeeded in wrestling Egbert’s pants and briefs down his thighs, and with a little assistance, tugging them off his legs so that he could chuck the offending articles of clothing over the side of the bed. Bro let out a hiss of appreciation at the sight of the bare form above him, unable to tea his attention away. “Broderick, my eyes are up here,” Egbert said with an amused lilt to his voice. Bro flicked his eyes back up and grinned. “Sorry, m’just a little bit too preoccupied with other things to get lost in the depths of those gorgeous cerulean orbs.” “That sounds like it’s straight out of a terrible paperback novel.” “Yeah, why do you think I said it? Quoting trashy literature during copulation is like the perfect form of irony. Just be glad I’m not going into depth about your tumescent tube of fire, the raging trouser snake of lust, that heat-seeking moisture missile—” “Broderick.” “What?” “Would you please be quiet?” “Yeah, okay, shutting up n—mmph!” Egbert did him the favor of cutting his adrenaline-and-nerves-fueled rambling short in the most effective way possible. Bro closed his eyes and opened up into the kiss, letting go of his anxiety and wrapping his arms around Egbert’s neck. One hand cradled the back of his head while the other wandered further up, carding through his hair. He tugged insistently, craving further contact. Egbert chuckled against his lips and shifted his weight to free up one hand, causing Bro to jerk his hips up involuntarily when it settled on his thigh. He trailed his hand upward, taking his sweet time with his fingers massaging slow, teasing circles as they crept higher and higher. They curled around his inner thigh, stroking the juncture where his leg met the curve of his groin, and Bro practically came undone.

He freaked out on the inside, afraid that this would be a repeat of the last time he got too excited and came prematurely. He was more turned on than he had ever been before, rock-hard, with pre-cum leaking down the side of his shaft. Egbert could sense his panic, feeling the way his muscles tightened up beneath him, and he quickly backed off. He pressed a reassuring kiss to the corner of his mouth and rubbed encouraging circles against his chest instead. Bro took a few deep breaths to calm himself and nodded barely imperceptibly when he was ready again. But this time, he was determined to take the upper hand, so he slid his hands down south and pressed into the small of Egbert’s back to pull him down on top of him. Bro sucked in a sharp breath of air at the sensation of skin against skin, and he bent his head to bury his face in the crook of Egbert’s neck. He had to stifle a groan when Egbert shifted, his erection pressing against his own and causing the heat to rise in his face. His hands made their way to Egbert’s ass, and he squeezed, holding Egbert close so that he could rut up against him. With his body flush against his own, Bro was in heaven, grinding his hips upward and relishing in the friction, but there was still something missing. He turned his head to the side so that he wasn’t speaking into Egbert’s shoulder, mumbling a lazy, sex-addled, “You know what we need? Lube. Yeah.” “I think that can be arranged,” Egbert said, and he tried to get up, but Bro refused to relinquish his iron grasp. “Broderick, you are going to have to release your grip on my rear if you really want me to fetch some.” “Oh. Yeah, right,” Bro said, reluctantly letting go, but he did take a perverse satisfaction in the way that his fingers had left their mark on Egbert’s choice ass when he left to fetch a small bottle from a chest of drawers. His heart was pounding like a jackrabbit’s when Egbert returned to the bed, but this time, it was more out of excitement and anticipation than nerves. “My body is ready,” he pronounced with a sweeping gesture down the length of his body. He hummed with pleasure as Egbert drizzled the lube over him, pressing his hips into the air in needy desperation. “Don’t be a tease,” he muttered out of the corner of his mouth, but he couldn’t help but smile as Egbert carefully worked the slippery substance into his skin, hands running over his thighs and circling his groin. “I wouldn’t call it teasing so much as simply being…” He paused, searching for the right word. “Attentive.” Bro shivered involuntarily; he had a way of making perfectly innocent words sound positively erotic sometimes. “But if you prefer a more direct approach…” Bro’s breath hitched when Egbert’s hand just barely brushed over him, skimming down his length and momentarily fondling his balls before moving on to graze his inner thigh instead. Now he was definitely teasing him on purpose, but somehow, he found himself not minding so much. It wasn’t like he had never experimented with lotion before, but when it was Egbert’s warm, slick fingers gliding over his skin, and satiny-smooth, quality lube instead of the cheap hand lotion he picked up at the convenience store, the experience was almost surreal. His toes curled into the soft sheets in blissed-out ecstasy and he bit back a moan as Egbert returned to that sensitive spot where his thigh met his torso, tracing the outline of his groin. But as far gone as he was, Bro didn’t want to be the only one enjoying the sublime sensation.

“Give me that,” he managed to say, motioning to the bottle. Snatching it away, he bent his knees and spread them so that Egbert could kneel between his legs. When he was comfortably situated, he poured a generous dollop of lube in his hand and wasted no time in wrapping it around Egbert’s cock, chuckling softly at the small noise of alarm over the cool temperature that escaped his lips. The tip of Bro’s tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration as he worked the length of his shaft, mimicking Egbert’s thoroughness. He ran the pad of his thumb over his head, brushing against the slit and relishing in the beads of pre-cum that had formed. When he was satisfied that he had massaged every inch, Bro settled into a rhythm, hand jerking up and down in a quick, rhythmic tempo. He didn’t even realize that he was subconsciously and subtly thrusting his hips up with each stroke, needy for further contact. Finally, he threw in the towel and with an exasperated grunt, scooted up so that he could hold onto Egbert’s waist and grind up against his upper leg. Egbert took charge then, holding Bro’s hips down to still him for a moment and turning a blind ear to his sputtering protests so that he could reposition himself. Bro’s frustrated noises quickly petered out when he realized that Egbert had no intentions of stopping him from getting the sexual satisfaction he craved – he was only fixing things to make it easier for him to do so. When Egbert’s lubed-up cock glided over his entrance and brushed against his balls, Bro arched his back in response. “Yeah…” he exhaled, his voice little more than a murmur as he tipped his chin back and squirmed around on the bed. Egbert wrapped his arms around Bro’s thighs to tug him closer, and Bro smirked, rolling his hips forward to grind against him. He hooked his legs around Egbert’s waist, never wanting to let go or lose the intimacy of this moment, when he was with Egbert, when he was part of him. When Egbert’s hand enveloped him, caressing his shaft with his firm, dexterous fingers, Bro stifled back a choked groan, his fingers scrabbling for purchase against Egbert’s back. “Let it out,” Egbert murmured into his ear, running a soothing hand up his front. “There’s no one around to hear you but me.” Bro swore, and his hand found Egbert’s chin so that he could tug him into a kiss. Even with his lips and tongue otherwise occupied, the other man could still drive him wild. He maintained a slow, steady pace as he stroked Bro, who moaned shamelessly into Egbert’s mouth, too far gone to care about being cool and collected. Egbert’s hand slipped lower, taking the time to massage his balls before traveling further to knead at the sweet spot just above his entrance. Bro broke off the kiss with a sharp keen, reflexively convulsing at the overwhelming stimulation. He buried his face in the crook of his arm, trying to stifle the stream of delirious words that was flowing freely. “Oh god oh man oh god oh man oh god oh man—” He was a complete and utter mess while Egbert was as composed as ever, and it was making him insane. Concerned, Egbert stilled and withdrew his hand. “Broderick, is that a good reaction or a bad one? Should I stop?” “If you stop, I will rip your balls off,” Bro growled. He covered Egbert’s hand with his own and pressed it between his legs again, kneading the other man’s fingers to get him to resume the motions. And when he took the hint and crooked his fingers just so, Bro was reduced to mewling pathetically like a stray kitten. “Fuck, fuck,” he panted, tossing his head back and lifting his hips up off the mattress to press into Egbert’s touch. His breath was coming out in raggedy gasps, and Egbert’s was just as heavy and erratic. He was teetering on the edge of oblivion and quickly slipping, and he couldn’t bear the tension any longer. Bro reached between them to grasp both of their cocks in one hand and began pumping frantically. His movements were sloppy and uncoordinated, but he didn’t care, because the slickness of Egbert’s lubed up shaft sliding against his own with every stroke was enough to make him lose it entirely.

His labored breathing was emerging in quick, shallow spurts, and when he finally came with a shuddery gasp, white hot flashbulbs erupted behind closed eyelids and his free hand fisted into the sheets. “Will you open your eyes for me?” Egbert asked, brushing his fingers against Bro’s cheek with infinite tenderness, but there was a sense of urgency in his words that made Bro comply. He gazed up at Egbert, eyes glassy with the haze of lust, and his heart clenched painfully. “I love you,” he said, reaching up to cradle Egbert’s face with one hand. “I love you, god, I really fucking do.” He broke off with a breathless little laugh and leaned up to kiss him, squeezing the hand that was still wrapped around the base of their cocks and causing Egbert’s composure to unravel entirely. “I love you too, Broderick—” Egbert managed to force out in reply, sucking in a sharp lungful of air as pulsing waves of pleasure overtook him and he rocked against Bro’s body. “Oh, god,” Bro rasped when they both stilled, chests rising and falling together as they slowly regained control over their breathing. “Oh god,” he repeated, all of his coherence having vacated his brain with the intensity of his climax. “That was pretty much abso-fucking-lutely incredible.” Egbert laughed and rolled onto his side, running his fingers through Bro’s hair. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought it was perfect,” he said. “Perfect’s a word for it,” Bro agreed, surreptitiously wiping his sticky hand behind him. He was drifting in a sea of post-coital bliss, content to just lie there together, forehead to forehead and legs intertwined. A sudden thought occurred to him, and a grin spread across his face. “You know what this means, though?” “What?” “I’m not gonna be the next 40 year old virgin after all.” Egbert snorted. “Oh, Broderick…” he said, raising a hand to caress his cheek. “It’s true! This is like the best fucking night of my life, you don’t even know!” Pumped up with a sudden burst of exhilaration, he jumped out of the bed and crossed the room while Egbert rolled over to watch him in mild confusion. Bro banged open the doors to the balcony window and flung his arms out wide, shouting, “My name is Bro Strider, and I am no longer a virgin!” He let out a whoop and leaned out into the night air, not caring if he was drawing attention to himself. Egbert laughed and buried his face in one hand, shouting, “Broderick, get back in here before the neighbors hear! Or see, for that matter – at least put some underwear on!” “What, you don’t think that they should get the chance to enjoy the view too?” Bro asked, turning around and smirking. “Can you hardly blame me for feeling a little possessive? And I think I’d rather that the neighborhood wasn’t privy to our sexual exploits. Come back to bed,” Egbert said, holding out his arms to Bro. “I can do that.” Bro did him the favor of shutting the balcony doors before scurrying back to the comfort of Egbert’s outstretched arms. He spooned up next to him, curling up and savoring the warmth of the other man’s strong arms, wrapped protectively around his frame. After the short burst of adrenaline, he was starting to realize just how exhausted he was, his last vestiges of energy expended after the night’s intense activities. He let his eyes drift closed, blindly feeling around until he found Egbert’s hands and placed his own hands over them. He could feel Egbert smile against his skin and press a kiss to the back of his neck. Bro sighed contently and let the waves of drowsiness wash over him, succumbing to sleep, safe and sound in Egbert’s arms. He had never felt more at home than he did right now.

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #houston we have a problem #my fanfiction #homestuck #brodad

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality

Anya is LIVE right now

FREE

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 16

(Okay, so the general consensus was two bitty updates instead of one long one, so here is the first one! I'm afraid it's a rather boring update, though, nothing too exciting... Just setting the scene for the next part. Ah well. I still hope you like!)

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: PG-13

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

-------------------------- Much to Bro’s eternal disappointment, he was unable to talk to Egbert on the phone for the rest of their week apart, an unfortunate side effect of a six hour time difference and conflicting schedules. So by the time Egbert texted him to let him know that he had landed at the JFK International Airport in New York and would be arriving at Houston in three hours time, Bro was beyond antsy to see him. He was feeling reckless and a little impulsive, so he decided to seize the day and take a taxi down to the airport to wait for Egbert. He was still wary of airport security after his last disastrous encounter with them, but he was relieved to find that he didn’t have to pass through security to meet Egbert at the baggage claim. He was a few minutes early, so he stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels. When people began to flood the area, he kept his eyes peeled for a familiar fedora, and his heart skipped a beat when he spotted it. Egbert was standing at the far end of the carousel, waiting for his luggage. Bro recognized his old-fashioned suitcase as it emerged onto the belt, and he ambled over so that he was standing next to Egbert. When the suitcase trundled up to them, Bro reached for it at the same time as Egbert, and their hands brushed together. Egbert looked up at Bro, astonishment creasing his features as he recognized who was standing next to him. Bro grinned as he lugged the suitcase off of the belt. “Hey,” he said, leaning in to kiss a still-shocked Egbert. He couldn’t do what he wanted to do, which was to make out with him like a desperate, horny teenager, because they were in public and he was already getting dirty looks. “Well, this is a surprise,” Egbert finally said when he regained his voice, breaking out into a smile. “Yeah, well…” Bro said with a sheepish shrug of his shoulders. “I couldn’t wait. I needed to see you. I missed you.” “I’ve missed you too,” Egbert replied warmly. “More than words can say.” He looked as if he wanted to kiss him again but settled for the more innocuous option of holding his hand. Bro insisted on carrying Egbert’s luggage to the valet parking lot, outright refusing to listen to his protests. Eventually Egbert’s jetlag outweighed his need to be a gentleman, and he gave up and let Bro carry the suitcase. After the hassle of retrieving the car and loading it up, Bro climbed into the passenger seat next to Egbert. “Okay, we’re finally out of the public eye, I am officially declaring this a makeout zone. Fail to do so, and you will be towed.” Egbert didn’t dignify him with a response and simply sealed the distance between them with a kiss. Not for the first time, Bro cursed the joystick that always wedged between them whenever they kissed inside the car. He wriggled out of his seatbelt and knelt on the seat so that he was directly facing Egbert and could deepen the kiss between them. When he surfaced for air, his eyes were shining with exhilaration behind the dark lenses of his shades. “God, I really have missed you. This better not be a regular thing, I don’t know if I can handle these longass weeks without you in my life.” “Believe me, the feeling is mutual, and you are one of the reasons why I am so happy to be back home. And I don’t think that it will become a regular thing, so you have nothing to worry about. And now I’m afraid I’m quite exhausted from traveling, so I hope you won’t mind if I drop you off at your apartment and head home to rest…” “Nah, it’s cool, I know you’ve gotta be mad tired, and I have work tonight anyway. Just wanted to see you, that’s all.” “Thank you for coming all the way down here, Broderick. I’m glad your face was the first familiar one I saw after landing. Now buckle your seatbelt. Safety is important.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Bro rolled his eyes but he clicked his seatbelt together again. As Egbert pulled out of the parking lot, one of his hands found its way to Bro’s knee. Bro took hold of his hand and squeezed it, smiling when he squeezed it back in return. It was good to have Egbert home. -------------------------- The week went by far too quickly, and before Bro knew it, it was Thursday night and the eve of his big date with Egbert. He was simultaneously excited and nervous, and he told Egbert so when they were talking on the phone. “I must confess that I am quite excited too!” Egbert said, and Bro heard him take a sip of his evening coffee. “But what is there for you to be nervous about?” There was a short pause before Bro filled the silence and said, “Nothing, I guess.” If Egbert didn’t know, he wasn’t about to tell him that he had the first time jitters and was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to perform. “Well, in any case, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but i think we might have hit a small snag in our plans for after the show…” “Oh, hell no,” Bro immediately said. “I don’t care what it is, I’m not letting anything else stand between me and that moment. What is it?” “What are we going to do with the boys? Obviously, John cannot be in the house if we are going to be…” he coughed delicately, “otherwise occupied.” Bro smirked at the expression but let him continue. “And if John slept over with Dave, I think there would be some questions asked as to why you aren’t returning. Plus, I’m not so sure that I’m comfortable leaving the two of them alone for the night without any supervision. Especially considering the amount of dangerous items you keep in your apartment.” “My apartment is totally safe, what are you even talking about,” Bro said, a little offended. “Dave’s a big boy, he knows how to take care of himself. But yeah, don’t think it’s a good idea to leave them there. They’ll totally know that we’re staying up all night banging at your place when I don’t come home. Shit.” He took off his baseball cap and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, causing it to stand up on end. “Tell you what,” he said, jamming the cap back on his head. “I’ll talk to Ruf at work tonight, see if maybe Tavros can coincidentally ask them to sleep over tomorrow night.” “Ahhh,” Egbert said, sounding relieved. He trusted Rufio, who had a sensible head on his shoulders, and if John and Dave slept over with a mutual friend, it would circumvent any awkward conversations about their intentions for the night. “Yes, this sounds like it would be the best solution, if it doesn’t inconvenience Rufio.” “Nah, it’ll be fine,” Bro said, brimming with confidence. “He’s not working tomorrow night, and you know what he’s like with his kid. He wants Tavros to have friends.” “You make it sound like the poor child has no friends.” “Well, he is kind of a dweeb,” Bro said matter-of-factly. “Nice kid, don’t get me wrong, but a little socially awkward. I’m talking about friends outside of the kid who we’re pretty sure is already doing drugs and that kid with the lisp who hacked the school system and sent out a mass notice saying that school was closed due to a burst pipe. Anyway, what is this, gossip mom central? Ruf will be all for him hanging out with Dave and John. We’ll make it work. But speaking of which, I’ve gotta dash or I’ll be late.” “All right, Broderick. Let me know what Rufio has to say, and I will see you tomorrow evening.” “Fuck yes.” Bro smiled anyway, even though Egbert couldn’t see him. “Tomorrow at 7. My body is ready.” Egbert laughed. “I’m sure it is, and I hope it still is come tomorrow. Good luck at work. I love you.” “Love you too,” Bro answered and ended the call, shoving the phone into his pocket and bounding down the stairs in the hopes of making it to work on time.

-------------------------- Bro was on his best behavior at work that night. He didn’t make snarky comments to people who requested stupid songs that didn’t jive with his set list, he didn’t play “Barbie Girl” three times in a row to spite the obnoxious drunks who sloshed beer onto his platform, and he didn’t skip out to grab a drink at the bar. He liked his job too much to lose it, so he figured he ought to play by the boss’s rules for a while instead of testing his limits. Both Bro and Rufio were working until close, so when 2 A.M. rolled around and they shut down Trouble for the night, they started walking home together as per their unspoken tradition. “Hey, Ruf. I’ve got a favor to ask you,” Bro said as he tapped out a cigarette from its carton and dug out his lighter. “Yeah? Hit me.” “My pleasure,” Bro quipped, socking him in the shoulder and causing Rufio to shoot him a look. “No, but seriously, I need your help. Me and Egbert are going out on a date tomorrow and I am totally getting laid. Problem is, we need someone to be our fairy-fucking-godmother and take the little dudes off of our hands.” “Am I supposed to be the fairy-fucking-godmother?” “Yeah, that’d be pretty sweet if you were,” Bro said, lighting his cigarette and taking a drag. “We thought maybe Tavros could, you know, ‘invite’ Dave and John over for a sleepover or some such shit.” “You know, that’s actually not a bad idea,” Rufio mused. “They all had a good time when we went paintballing two weeks ago. And besides, even if he hasn’t said so, Tav’s got the hots for Dave—” “I knew it!” Bro burst out triumphantly. “Because I’m 99.85% positive that Dave feels the exact same way.” “—and it wouldn’t hurt him to be more social instead of playing games for girls all night. Yeah, I’m down with that. I’ll clear it with Tav and you can dump them off before your date. And I’ll keep an eye on them so they don’t do stupid shit like blow up eggs in the microwave like the last time Tavros had friends over.” “…Dude, that sounds like fun.” “Oh, it was awesome, makes a really satisfying boom, but it sucks when you’re the one who has to clean up the aftermath.” “That’s why you make them do the dirty work. They make the mess, they can clean it up. Boom, end of story.” “Yeah, well, they were laughing and having a good time, I didn’t want to harsh their buzz. But if your kids do something stupid when they’re over here, it’s gonna be all on them.” “They’re teenage boys, Ruf. Of course they’re gonna do something stupid.” Rufio snorted in agreement, and they walked in silence for a little bit. “D’you think anything’s gonna come out of this thing with Dave and Tavros?” Bro finally asked, finishing his cigarette and carelessly flicking the butt onto the ground. “I don’t know,” Rufio replied. “I hope so, but I don’t think Tavros is going to be the one to make the first move and say it outright. It’ll take some serious confidence to go that route, and I don’t think he has the balls to take that first step.” “Oh , Christ,” Bro said, shaking his head in disgust. “I seriously doubt that Dave will initiate anything either, not after the clusterfuck that was that whole incident with him confessing to John. So they’re both gonna just be dancing around the subject, doing in this whole complicated waltz of incompetence. Which’ll earn them a gold medal for fancy footwork but that won’t get them anywhere. Idiots.” “Yeah, well, we’ll see how tomorrow goes, if they make any breakthroughs,” Rufio said. “I’m turning here,” he added, jerking his head to the street on the right. “Catch you later, Bro.” “See you, man.” Bro nodded farewell to Rufio and headed homeward. When he returned to the apartment, he got ready for bed and crashed on the futon, but as much as he tried, he couldn’t sleep. This was going to be a long night. -------------------------- Five hours later, Dave stepped out of his room to find Bro in his pajamas, frowning at the hallway closet that held his clothes.

“Bro, what are you doing?” he asked, a little afraid as to what the answer would be. He never knew what to expect when he posed that question to Bro, and he had regretted asking it on occasion. His big brother was wildly unpredictable, and he didn’t want to know what he was up to most of the time. “Trying to pick out what underwear I’m going to wear for my date with Egbert tonight,” Bro answered, rifling through the shoeboxes that held his underwear. “…Dude, it’s 7 A.M., you’re not going out for like another twelve hours,” Dave pointed out. “This is the most pivotal event of my life, Dave, it is crucial that I get everything right!” “Bro, Mr. Egbert’s not going to care what you wear for underwear. You could wear a pink thong and he wouldn’t give a shit.” “What, you mean these?” Bro asked, holding up a skimpy hot pink thong. “I mean, I bought them for irony purposes, but…” He was pretty sure that Dave’s eye was twitching behind his sunglasses. “Yeah, I gotta go. See you after school.” Bro watched as Dave quickly absconded, vaguely amused but consternated nonetheless. Consulting Dave had been no help whatsoever. He sighed and ambled back into the living room, flopping down onto the futon with a grunt. He picked up his phone and stared at for a minute before deciding to call for some advice. He dialed a number that he knew by heart and waited for the familiar voice to answer. “Hey, Ruf, hypothetical question. What kind of underwear do you think Egbert likes?” Rufio sounded more confused than anything when he answered, “What?” “You heard me. I’m getting laid tonight and I don’t know what the fuck to wear.” “Dude, why are you asking me?” Rufio asked incredulously. “If I knew what underwear he liked, I think we’d have a bigger problem here.” “Well, yeah, but hypothetically, if you had to take a guess.” “Dude. Dude, just wear what you normally wear.” “That advice bites, it’s not special if I just wear what I normally wear—” “No, dude—” “—Dave said I should wear a thong—” “No, Bro, what, don’t wear a thong. I sincerely doubt he was being serious.” “But—” “Bro. Bro, just— shoosh. Calm the fuck down.” Rufio finished spiking up his trihawk and put down the bottle of hair glue. After rinsing his hands, he snapped up his phone and switched it off of speaker mode. He rolled his eyes as he left the bathroom, holding the cell to his ear. “Then don’t wear any underwear! See what I care! Yeah, fuck you too!” He hung up on Bro and let out a huff of annoyance. As much as he cared about his bro, he sure as hell could be exasperating sometimes. But Rufio had enough on his plate to worry about that morning. Namely, getting Tavros to school on time without getting engrossed in a heated debate about underwear over the phone. “Tav! Let’s get a move on!” he called as he rounded the corner and very nearly knocked into his son, who was standing just out of sight. “And what are you doing?” he asked, looking down at him and arching his eyebrows. “Nothing,” Tavros said, raising a hand to touch a flushed cheek. “I was just going to get you and say that we should probably go now when, uh, I heard Dave’s name…” “Oh yeah, of course, your little flushcrush.” “He’s not—” Tavros started to protest heatedly, but Rufio interrupted him before he could finish denying. “Tav, you’re blushing,” he pointed out. “I think that makes him a dead ringer for a flushcrush.” Tavros didn’t have a response to that, so he just looked down and scuffed at the floor with the toe of his sneaker. Rufio put a hand on his shoulder. “S’nothing to be embarrassed about, kiddo. He likes you, haven’t you been talking to him online almost every night?” “Well. Yeah, I definitely am, it’s great.” Tavros couldn’t keep a grin from tugging at his lips. “So there you go,” Rufio said, clapping him on the back. “And you get to hang out with him tonight too, remember.” “Wait. What?” “Oh, right, you were asleep when I got home from work last night. I didn’t get a chance to tell you. Bro and his man are going out on a date tonight and needed someone to watch their boys, so I said that Dave and John could spend the night. We’ve got those old cocoon sleeping bags in the closet, it’s no big deal.”

He could almost see the cogs in Tavros’s head working. “So you mean I’m having a sleepover with Dave Strider tonight?” “And John Egbert, yeah.” “Wow. Okay, I don’t really have any words, for all the things I’m feeling right now. This is going to be so much fun!” Rufio laughed. “Yeah, I bet it will. But you can think of those words while you’re on your way to school. Are you ready to go?” “Yeah!” “Alright, go wait out by the motorcycle while I find my keys, and we’ll hit the road. Blame Bro for making us late.” “I thought it was because you forgot to set the alarm clock last night.” “Easier to blame Bro. Come on, sport,” he said as he ruffled Tavros’s hair. “Let’s get going.” -------------------------- Bro put down the phone and stared at it petulantly, a little put out by his unsuccessful attempt to wrangle helpful advice from Rufio. His question was no closer to being answered. After five minutes of waffling back and forth, he decided to bite the bullet and call the man himself. “Well, hello, Broderick!” Egbert said when he answered the phone. “It’s rare to get a phone call from you so early in the day. I was just about to message you to let you know that I received your text from last night and John thinks it sounds fun, so we’re all set on that front. How are you?” “I’m cool, like always. But I got a question for you: are you a boxers or briefs kind of person?” “It’s not as if you haven’t seen me sans trousers before, Broderick. I think you ought to know by now that I tend to wear briefs.” “No, no, I mean on other people. Specifically on me.” “Are you asking me for advice on what underwear you should wear tonight?” Goddammit, Bro cursed internally. He wasn’t supposed to find out, but Egbert was a shrewd man. “Maybe. Who knows. I could just be conducting a survey, going around and calling people to harass them into spilling about what type of underwear they find most sexually attractive. This is important shit, you know. Top notch, Class A, FBI kind of shit. I’m putting my very life on the line by even telling you about this classified investigation.” “Just wear whatever you normally wear,” Egbert told him, tuning out his spiel. “I assure you that I will find you attractive no matter what you’re wearing. Honestly.” “This is not helping me.” “Tell you what,” Egbert said. “You normally wear boxers, don’t you? At least, that’s all that I’ve seen you in. Wear a pair of those. And if it helps you make your decision…” Egbert’s voice dropped to avoid being heard by anyone within earshot, although Bro was reasonably sure that he was using his hands-free headset and driving to work after dropping John off at school, judging by the noises he detected in the background. “It’s not like we’ll be wearing them for very long anyway…” Bro cleared his throat. “Oh. Well. Way to make me pop a boner, Egbert, thanks.” Egbert laughed, and Bro could practically see his Prankster’s Gambit skyrocketing. “That was the plan,” he teased. “Fuck you,” Bro informed him. “I thought we were saving that for tonight?” “I am hanging up on you now. I need to go take a shower and take care of this problem.” “You do that,” Egbert said, amusement lining his voice. “And I look forward to being able to take care of any other problems that arise in the very near future.” Bro hung up without answering. He was used to being the one who made the sexual innuendoes, and now that the tables had turned on him, he wasn’t sure how to feel. He looked down at his lap and heaved a sigh, getting up to head for the bathroom. But first, he stopped at the closet at the very end of the hallway and grabbed a pair of underwear from a shoebox. Boxers it was.

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #houston we have a problem #homestuck #brodad #my fanfiction

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 15

(And here is Chapter 15, guys! :D Thank you all for being amazing as always. <3

...Jackoffitude. I'm sorry, I wanted an excuse to use that word. xD)

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: R

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

-------------------------- Nobody was around to protect John, Bro thought as he rested the barrel of his gun on the window ledge. Dave was nowhere in sight, and Egbert was probably halfway across the ocean on his way to Germany by now. He squinted as he looked through the sight, training the red dot on John. Like shooting ducks in a barrel. Bro pulled the trigger, and he hit his target square in the chest, bright red spattering across his torso. Bro smirked as he dropped to the ground to avoid being spotted. He didn’t want Dave to come tearing off after him for revenge once he saw that John was down for the count. He was hellbent on hunting down Tavros next, but he had to be careful. Rufio was protective of his kid. Stealth was of the utmost importance if he was going to get away with this. Bro’s ears pricked up at the sound of someone climbing the ladder behind him, and he swiveled around, aiming the gun at the intruder’s heart. Rufio hissed at him and held up his empty palm in self-defense. Bro lowered the gun and extended a hand to pull Rufio into the tower. “Sorry, man, I thought you were someone else. My bad.” “Yeah, no shit. Careful where you’re pointing that thing. We’re supposed to be in cahoots, it’s no good if you end up offing me. What’s the dead kid count on your end?” “Just bagged my first one, got the mini-Egbert right in the chest. He didn’t stand a chance. Hate to be the one to break it to you, but I’m going after your kid now.” “Like hell you are,” Rufio said, but before he had time to take a threatening step towards Bro, a spray of ammunition spattered against the outside wall of the sniper’s tower, and they both flattened against the floor. Rufio was the first one to brave the warfare, peering out the window to assess the damage. The front of the tower was painted yellow, and Tavros was looking up at them, his gun resting on his shoulder. “Tavros, you wipe that shit-eating grin off your face this instant. And yeah, I know you’re grinning under that mask,” Rufio said, pointing a finger at him. Bro was up off the floor in an instant, racing for the ladder, and Rufio swore, grabbing his gun and heading off after him at lightning speed. Bro jumped down the last few rungs and aimed his sight on Tavros, who yelped and dived for a bunker. Rufio cut in front of Bro, who growled in annoyance. He jerked his gun back so that his paint hit a pillar instead. “Shit, man, you’re on my team! I can pick him off easy, let me at him. All’s fair in love and war, now are you going to help me win this thing or not?” “Yeah, no, you’re not gonna be the one to— ow!” Rufio hissed, more out of surprise than pain, as several paintballs hit him in the small of the back, bursting on contact. He swiveled around to find Tavros on his haunches with his paintgun propped on his knees, trying and failing to contain his howls of laughter. “The fuck is this, Tavros? I try to protect your hide, and this is how you repay me? This is betrayal.” Rufio glowered at his son, but Tavros was undeterred. “Uh, well, we’re not exactly on the same team, and that’s what I’m supposed to do. I think, that you are just sore, because I managed to get you.” “…You are so grounded, young man.” “Sore loser, man, is this the kind of sportsmanship you wanna be preaching to your only son? He got you fair and square, now I’m gonna have to banish you to No Man’s Land.” Bro pointed at the safe area, and Rufio turned to find John sitting there, his front still stained red from Bro’s paintballs. John gave him a cheerful wave, and Rufio sighed, glumly accepting his fate and trudging over to the dead land. “Well, well,” Bro said lazily, turning his gun over and over in his hand. “Looks like it’s me and you, squirt. And my baby brother, but oops, he’s not here to be the knight in shining armor to your damsel in distress. Prepare to eat my balls,” he pronounced, enunciating every word carefully.

Over in the no man’s land, Rufio buried his head in his hands and John giggled, whispering a “That’s what she said!” “Actually, no, I think that, it’s pretty much going to be the other way around,” Tavros said, fumbling with his gun. He aimed it at Bro, who prepared to flee as soon as the shot was fired. Tavros squeezed the trigger, but nothing happened. “Wait, what. Oh.” Realization dawned on him. “Oh, shit, what happens when you run out of paintballs?” “Amateur move right there, wasting all your pellets firing at nothing. And I’ll tell you what happens – it means your ass is mine,” Bro said, advancing on him with his gun at the ready and a predatory leer on his face. A warning shot fired directly in front of him, causing Bro to halt in his tracks and search for its source. Dave had emerged from his hiding place, where he had been biding his time, and his gun was pointed directly at Bro. “His ass is mine.” Bro stifled a snort, and if Dave’s face wasn’t completely hidden by the protective mask, he was pretty sure that he was blushing something fierce. Dave hastily backpedaled. “I mean, my team’s. Tav, go hide, I got this under control.” “Um, okay, I am most definitely doing that, right now.” Tavros crouched down behind his bunker, peeking out at Bro and Dave, his eyes wide beneath his helmet. A long moment of silence passed as the two Strider brothers faced each other off, staring at each other with cool composure. Dave suddenly sprang into action, firing his gun at Bro, who expertly dodged every carefully aimed paintball. He could have avoided getting shot. He could have easily overtaken Dave and won. It wasn’t even a question, not when you considered their individual skill sets and the fact that he had eighteen years and a good six inches on him. But Tavros was watching intently, and he could see the tension in Dave’s shoulders. Bro figured he could take a bullet for his little brother and let Dave save face in front of him. He purposely took a misstep, placing himself in the trajectory of the paintballs, which splattered his front with bright orange paint. “Ha!” Dave burst out triumphantly, breaking his cool long enough to let out a whoop of delight at his victory. “Yessss!” Tavros jumped up from the bunker and ran over to Dave, unable to contain his excitement. “We win! Dave, you did it, you got him!” “Well, yeah, of course I did,” Dave said, resting his gun on his shoulder and nonchalantly inspecting his fingernails. “What, you doubted my fine skills? I’m hurt, Tav. Real hurt. Here I am, busting into this fruity rumpus asshole partytown, all armed and dangerous, prepared to fight tooth and nail just to protect your ass, and you’re doubting me?” “What, my ass, that is supposed to be yours?” Tavros said, grinning wickedly as they headed off the paintball field, pulling off their masks. Dave’s cheeks were tinged pink but his voice was calm as he answered, “That was completely unintentional. I was responding to Bro’s lameass comment, and it didn’t come out right.” Bro rolled his eyes. “Come on, lovebirds,” he said, gripping them both by the shoulders and steering them towards the safe zone. Both boys immediately started protesting, flustered and talking over one another. “Bro, no, we’re not like that—” “Wow, no, oh god, not, I mean—” “—Completely off base—” “All right, all right, chill. Dudes can’t take a joke,” he explained as they approached a questioning Rufio, whom he exchanged a meaningful glance with, and John. “S’up, mini Egbert. Sorry I creamed you out there, but it was pretty inevitable. I mean, I’m not saying you’re bad, but… you’re bad.” John shrugged off the barb with a laugh that made Bro suddenly miss Egbert intensely. “Haha! Oh man, I don’t even care, I had so much fun with that!” “Yeah, me too!” Tavros agreed, and the two of them high-fived. Dave, who was in between the two of them, just shook his head. “Man, what did I do to get saddled with Derp and Derpier over here? Christ in a sidecar, I should be getting paid for this.”

Bro let the three of them walk ahead of him and fell in stride with Rufio. They silently fist-bumped behind the boys’ backs, sharing a private moment of wordless satisfaction as they headed homeward. -------------------------- After dropping Tavros and Rufio off at their own apartment six blocks down, Bro, Dave, and John went home to tackle the problem of dinner. They had already had leftover Chinese food for lunch and weren’t too keen on the thought of more takeout, so Bro ended up tossing a few loaves of frozen French bread pizzas into the oven. “Stouffers is a motherfucking godsend,” he proclaimed when he pulled out the finished pizzas, burning his hand in the process because Striders were too cool for oven mitts. John winced at the sight; partly because it looked like it hurt and partly because his father had always taught him proper oven safety, which Bro was completely disregarding. Bro grabbed two of his rad and expensive ninja swords and carefully balanced one of the French bread pizzas on the flat edges of the blades. “What is he doing?” John whispered to Dave. “Shhh, don’t talk, you’ll ruin his concentration. This is going to be good.” In one swift, dexterous motion, Bro tossed the loaf into the air and rapidly sliced it into pieces, holding out a classy chipped plate and catching them as they fell. “Dinnertime,” he said, handing the plate to their guest.“Not exactly your dad’s home cooking, but hey, it’s good.” “This is so cool!” Bro had to hide a smile as he turned to cut up his and Dave’s pizzas. John’s enthusiasm was gratifying, he had to admit. The three boys scarfed down their meals in record time, and as soon as they finished, John accosted his best friend. “Hey, Dave! We should watch a movie! Want to watch—” “No.” “Aw, Dave, you didn’t let me finish!” “If it’s Con Air, Failure to Launch, or Deep Impact, I don’t want to watch it.” “Hey, I wasn’t even going to suggest those! If you had let me finish, I was going to say Starsky and Hutch, dumbass.” “Huh. Okay, fine, I guess I’m down with that.” “Haha, I knew you would be! Because you always laugh so hard when we watch it, and because of your weird thing for Ben Stiller…” Dave casually choked on his soda. “What the fuck, no!” he said, coughing as John thumped him on the back. “Is this about the shades? Because I told you that I’m wearing them ironically. And they’re awesome. They’re awesome because they’re ironic, and vice versa. Go get Pat Sajak, someone needs to buy a fucking clue over here. Dave Strider is awesome, John Egbert sucks, the end.” As the boys set up the TV and continued to argue good-naturedly, Bro picked up the dishes and ambled over to the kitchen. He removed some of the fireworks that were lodged in the sink and dumped the dirty plates in, to be dealt with the next time that he gave a fuck about clean dishes. Or until Egbert returned from Germany and resumed picking up after him, as he was wont to do every time he visited the Strider apartment. Bro gave up on protesting after a while, reasoning that Egbert actually enjoyed cleaning for reasons that were unfathomable to him. Sometimes he had to wonder about his boyfriend’s habits. -------------------------- Later that night, after the boys had headed off to bed, Bro decided to get some prep work done so that he could begin working on a new stop-motion shoot for Plush Rump after Dave and John left for school. He changed into a pair of pajama bottoms and reclined the futon, transforming it into his makeshift bed so that he could sprawl out comfortably. He was stitching up a torn smuppet (a casualty from an unfortunate incident involving a box of noodles, a handful of kunai, and a misplaced skateboard) and humming to himself when his cell phone started blaring an all-too-familiar song. Bro started in surprise and glanced at the clock, doing a few mental calculations before answering the phone. “Egbert? Isn’t it like 4 A.M. over there?”

Egbert’s voice was slightly tinny and scratchy over the line, but hearing it still made Bro smile. “Yes, well, my connection flight was delayed, and I’ve only just arrived at the hotel. Unfortunately, I’m not tired at all since I slept for the majority of the flight. Which, you’ll be happy to know, I survived. How are you, Broderick?” “Asides from missing you? Not bad. I took Dave and John paintballing today, and we ran into Rufio and his kid, so that was fun. Other than that, things are cool. Uneventful. How’re you? How’s the the hotel?” “It’s nice enough, I suppose. Business gives me an upgraded room, so I get a robe, slippers, and a fresh fruit platter. Which is all well and good, but it is a bit lonely.” Bro grinned wryly. “Yeah, it’s feeling pretty lonely over here too.” It was true, and to be honest, he was a little surprised at the intensity of his lonesomeness. After all, it wasn’t like he was able to see Egbert every day when he was in the States, but the fact that he didn’t have that possibility of seeing him for a solid week was difficult to bear with. Add to that the likelihood that he wouldn’t be able to call or text him whenever he wanted, or even receive a goodnight text, and Bro was feeling pretty empty inside. This call alone would end up being costly, but Bro didn’t care about the expenses if it meant getting to hear Egbert. “I wish I could be there with you in your bed,” Bro said. “Keep us both from getting lonely, being all intimate with you and everything.” He was praying that Egbert would cotton on to his intentions, but Bro couldn’t tell by his response. “That would be lovely, yes. It is a rather large bed, there certainly is plenty of room for you in it.” Bro hesitated, rolling the words around in his mouth. He was dancing around the subject, and he wanted to suggest something, but he didn’t know how agreeable Egbert would be to such a proposition. It was a matter that had to be treated carefully and with the utmost tact. “I want you to fuck me senseless.” Egbert laughed, static crackling through the line. “You are as blunt as ever, Broderick.” “No, but it’s true.” He dropped his voice so that it was huskier, low enough that Egbert had to listen attentively to every word. “I want you to pick me up with those strong manly arms of yours, spread me out on the bed, and have your way with me. You know, pound me into the mattress while whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Make me beg for more while I call your name.” And fuck, even just voicing the thought out loud was making him hard. The line was dead silent for a moment, and Bro was beginning to be afraid that the long-distance call had been dropped when Egbert spoke again, his voice sounding slightly off. “Broderick, are you intending to engage in… phone sex with me?” “Something along those lines, yeah. If you’re amenable to that prospect.” “While I’d prefer to be able to do it with you in person, I suppose I wouldn’t be too opposed to it, no.” “Ace.” Bro wet his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. “I guess this would be the part where I’d ask you what you’re wearing, but that means I’d have to tell you that I’m wearing my ratty old Muppet pajama pants. And while Animal is fucking boss, it’s not exactly the sexiest attire.” “Well, for what it’s worth, I find you plenty attractive no matter what you happen to be wearing,” Egbert reassured him. “And thank god for that, or else you’d probably have dumped me after our first date, since despite the fact that I was mad stylin’ in those threads, apparently it’s not in vogue to wear a baseball cap with a suit. Hold the phone, I just need to do something real quick first.”

Bro got up and checked the hallway, listening for any sign of the boys, but he heard no noise coming from Dave’s room. It was a school night, and he was pretty sure that they were exhausted from playing paintball that evening anyway. Still, he shut the door to the living room firmly and, after staring at it for a minute, found a sock and hung it over the doorknob, hoping that they understood the universal code for “Getting it on, do not disturb.” On second thought, he shoved the heavy trunk that he used to carry his puppets in when he was bringing them out on gigs in front of the door. He was not taking any chances – the last thing he needed was for John to wake up thirsty and head to the kitchen for a glass of water, only to find his friend’s big brother jacking off to his father’s voice. Bro returned to the futon and moved the half-sewn smuppet to the ground before sitting down, hissing in pain as something sharp stabbed him in the thigh. He dug out the needle and the spool of thread from beneath him, threw the offending items on the floor, and lay down, picking up the phone once more. “So, uh.” Bro cleared his throat and tried again. “What are you doing right now?” Egbert sounded slightly amused when he answered evasively, “I think you can imagine well enough what I am doing.” “Fucking tease.” Bro allowed himself to fantasize for a moment and envisioned Egbert lying in his hotel bed across the ocean, his hand skimming up the inside of his thigh and pressing between his legs. “Dammit,” he muttered, shoving his hand down his pants to grip his rapidly hardening bulge. Egbert chuckled, his voice throaty and deep in his ear. “It’s nice to see that I can still affect you when I’m not even in the same country as you.” “Egbert,” Bro told him, “you could affect me even if you were dressed in a chicken suit on a drag show.” “Well, I certainly hope that would never be the case.” “I don’t know, I think you could work it. You’d be the sexiest chicken to ever exist. I mean, rooster. The alpha male of all cocks. Yeah.” “I get it, don’t worry. And I’m glad you think so highly of me. I do wish I could be with you right now, though,” Egbert added wistfully. “Just so I could hold you in my arms.” A lump formed in Bro’s throat as the weight of the separation bore down on him. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.” He squeezed his eyes shut, but a single tear leaked out anyway, rolling down his cheek and leaving behind a wet trail of shame. He was lonelier than ever, with 5000 miles and a vast ocean separating him from Egbert. He tucked his phone between his ear and his shoulder while he grabbed a pillow and hugged it close, desperate for contact and the feel of a warm body pressed up against his own. The pillow couldn’t wrap its arms around him and hold him close to its chest, where he could relax his guarded expression and lose himself in its embrace – but it was better than nothing. “What else would you do to me if you were here?” “Kiss you,” Egbert answered without hesitation. And god, Bro fervently wished he could. He wet his lips, conjuring up the taste of him, smoky and sweet, on the tip of his tongue. “Starting with your neck,” Egbert continued. “Because I know how much you enjoy being kissed there.” “Mmm,” Bro purred, turning his head to the side and trailing his fingers down his own neck as he recalled their past encounters and the feel of Egbert’s lips against his skin. “Then I suppose I’d work my way up towards your mouth.” Egbert’s voice suddenly took on a mischievous tone, and Bro could practically see his familiar blue eyes twinkling playfully. “Of course, kissing you in such a position would undoubtedly bring me in rather close contact with your extremities…”

Bro laughed breathlessly as the scene played out in his head. Egbert would break the kiss so that he could speak, but his lips would still brush over his jawline, breath hot against his skin as he murmured tantalizing words of lust and love. Even as his mouth was otherwise occupied, he’d roll his hips downward to meet the heat of Bro’s groin. “Yeah, it would. Not that I’m complaining, since my extremities would be pretty happy to make contact with yours. Let the ambassador of the Egbertian kingdom know that the nation of Striderdick is keen to establish negotiations with your lands down under. My soldier’s eagerly standing at attention in anticipation of your response.” Egbert laughed, and Bro was pretty sure that he was shaking his head in amusement. “All right, I’ll play along with your extended metaphor and let you know that the ambassador is equally standing erect over here as well.” Bro paused to consider the implications of this statement, and his cock twitched as he realized that Egbert was echoing his innuendo-laden sentiments. “I’m sorry, my train of thought was completely derailed at the image of you being hard for me. That freight car just abandoned ship, hurtled off the train tracks, and is dive bombing over the railing to the sea of jackoffitude because shit just got real.” “I don’t think that’s a real word, Broderick. And is that really such a foreign concept, that I reciprocate your own physical reactions when it comes to thinking about you in this context?” “No, I guess not. I mean, I am one fine piece of ass, and I‘ve definitely felt your manhood rubbing all sensually up against mine when we’re getting our mack on. And this is when I’d tell you to shut up and get on with it, because my aching cock is hungry for some friction.” Bro bent his knees and spread them just far apart so that he could press the pillow between his legs in imitation of his fantasy Egbert bearing down on him. He bit his lip in response to the much needed pressure, trying to keep his breath steady and in control. “Why would I want to be silent, when I could be telling you how much I love you?” And it was corny but romantic, and Bro’s heart kind of melted a little at his words. “And how much I… want you.” Bro’s eyes fluttered shut as he tipped his head back and basked in the sound of Egbert’s velvety voice. He arched his hips up, pressing into the pillow and grinding against it as he sighed. “As long as you don’t stop what you’re doing, you can say anything you want.” “Believe me, I don’t want to stop.” “Good. Good, then we’re on the same wavelength.” Bro wedged a hand between his body and the pillow he still clutched tightly, and he rocked up into the palm of his own hand. “Can I just— be on top?” he gasped. “Whatever you want, Broderick.” “Good,” Bro breathed, rolling over onto his stomach with the pillow still clamped between his thighs. “Because that’s all I want to do. Just— be on top of you, rubbing up against you…” “Like that night at the resort?” Bro smiled as he recalled their time together during their ski vacation. He’d be lying if he said that he hadn’t thought about that first night when jerking off since then. “Yeah. Just like that.” It wasn’t hard at all for him to conjure up the image of him on top of Egbert, kissing him as he explored the canvas of his body. He slid down the seam of the pillow, relishing in the way the edge traced down his shaft and over his balls. The angle of the pillow made it easier for him to imagine that it was Egbert’s cock rubbing up against his own. He hummed in pleasure, grinding down harder and faster to get the friction that he so desperately craved, and— And Bro heard the warning beep of a low battery. His eyes flew open. “Shitfuckdamn,” he hissed, “My phone’s about to die!” “What? Now?” “I know, fuck!” He was already up off the futon and scrambling for his phone charger. He had no idea where he had last placed it, and he tore through the room, upending smuppets and checking to see if it had gotten tangled up with any of the other wires that crisscrossed the living room floor. He swore, cursing his terrible luck. He was about ready to bust down the door to Dave’s room, obvious boner or not, and demand to use his charger when he spotted the cord.

He breathed a sigh of relief and fished it out from underneath Lil’ Cal, patting him on the head. “Thanks for safeguarding this for me, little buddy.” After fumbling with the cable, he finally succeeded in plugging his phone in, and it buzzed happily in response. He stretched the cord as far as it would go and fell back on the futon. “God, talk about the shittiest timing. Where were we?” “I believe you were supposed to be on top of me?” “Oh, yeah.” Bro readjusted the pillow beneath him so that he was pressed up flat against it. “Basically going to town on you, grinding up against your cock and driving myself practically— insane—” His breath caught in his throat and he wormed a hand between his body and the pillow to grip himself. Egbert chuckled, but it was slightly unsteady, so different from his usual sturdy, calm voice. “Trust me, you’re equally driving me insane.” Bro’s only response was a strangled noise as he rutted against the firm pillow, his eyes squeezed shut as if his life depended on it. He was with Egbert, kissing him and carding his fingers through his short hair, secure in his embrace. Egbert’s fingers were gently trailing down his back, lightly skimming against his skin and making him shiver before circling around to trace a path down his stomach. There was only a small part of his brain that was cognizant of the fact that he was alone in his living room and humping his own hand while Dave and John were just down the hall. The rest of him was lost in the dream world that he had conjured, where it was Egbert’s hand that was palming him through his boxers, Egbert’s body that was pressed close to his. He was trying his best to be quiet, but a breathy moan slipped out as he thrust up against the pillow. If he had been in his right mind, he would have had second thoughts about doing so, out of fear of being loud enough that the boys could hear him. Or he would have at least covered the mouthpiece of the phone so that Egbert wouldn’t hear him sounding so needy and vulnerable. As it was, he was being driven wild by his overactive imagination and didn’t care enough to worry about how he sounded, all he knew was that he was about to burst and yes, fuck yes— “Not yet,” Egbert said suddenly, his voice catching him off guard. “W-what?” Bro said, stuttering to a halt and opening his eyes. He tried to catch his breath, having unwittingly begun to pant in his feverish haste. “I said, not yet. I’m not with you right now, I can’t temper you like I normally would in this situation, so I need you to slow down for me.” Bro fisted his hands into the pillowcase, groaning as he forced himself to be still. He was in control, he tried to tell himself, but it was hard for him to believe his own words. He wasn’t one for edging, lingering on the very brink of climax. He didn’t have that kind of self-restraint; he was hasty and preferred to keep things quick and dirty. Because he wasn’t used to keeping himself in check, it was almost painful to ignore the pulsing ache below his waistband. To resist from thinking about how badly he desired to give in to his body’s needs, he envisioned just what Egbert would do to temper him if he was there with him. Maybe he’d cease all contact entirely, leaving Bro in the lurch without the stimulation he so craved. Maybe he’d forbid Bro from touching himself and make him watch while he himself inched closer to orgasm. Maybe he’d order Bro to pleasure him without allowing him to come. Bro unconsciously shuddered, a shiver of delight racing up his spine at the very thought. Egbert wasn’t speaking anymore, and all Bro could hear was the little noises that he was making, the heaviness of his breath and its somewhat stilted cadence. He shut his eyes and simply listened to Egbert’s deep breathing, trying to imagine what he was doing to elicit such a reaction. This was the wrong tack to take, unfortunately, because the mental image of Egbert’s hand working up and down the length of his shaft only made him all the more desperate for release.

“Fuck, Egbert, please…” he managed to choke out, trying to keep himself from squirming around like an antsy child. With his brain working overtime, he had almost passed the point of no return and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on. He could hear Egbert’s breath hitch and his name on his lips —“Broderick”— and Bro was gone, unable to restrain himself any longer. But he couldn’t feel guilty, because he was pretty sure that Egbert was hitting his peak at the same exact time, and the very knowledge made him come undone. Bro buried his face into the pillow to stifle his gasps, and stars burst behind closed eyelids, white-hot and blinding, as he cut off his air supply and heightened his senses even further. He rocked into the touch of his own hand as he came, unable to think of nothing else but the mantra that was echoing in his head, EgbertEgbertEgbertohgod. When he finally stilled, one last wave of pleasure making him shiver, he surfaced, sucking in gasps of clean air and trying to regain some control over his body. He tossed the pillow that he had been straddling aside and pulled his sticky shirt off, using it to clean himself up and dropping it on the floor to deal with tomorrow. He sank back down onto the mattress, letting the warm afterglow engulf him as he lifted his phone to his ear. “Jesus Christ,” he breathed. “If this was what it’s like not even getting to touch you or see you…” he trailed off. “Fuck, I can’t wait ‘til I get to see you again.” Egbert exhaled, and his voice was warm and content, but tired, when he spoke. “I can’t wait either, Broderick.” “Yeah. It’s gonna be awesome. And thanks, Egbert. If it’s not wicked expensive, you should call me again sometime this week, and I can show you a good time.” Even though he knew Egbert couldn’t see him, he raised his eyebrows suggestively. Egbert laughed appreciatively. “It certainly was a good time. I promise I’ll try to call again if I can. I’m not sure how feasible it is, given the time difference and my business conferences, but we’ll see. In any case, goodnight, Broderick. Sleep well. I love you.” “Love you too. G’night.” There was a click as Egbert hung up, and the apartment was filled with silence once more. And it was with his phone clutched in his hand and a smile on his face that Bro drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep. -------------------------- Bro awoke the next morning to the sound of someone banging on the door. He groaned and got up, groggily heading for the front door before realizing that the sound was coming from the opposite direction. Bro scrubbed the sleep from his eyes and refocused on the hallway door, a cold wave of shock washing over him as he realized that he had never removed the chest from where it was blocking the entrance to the main room of the apartment. He swore, wide-awake at last, and hightailed it to the door, where he could hear Dave cussing him out. “Bro, what the actual fuck? We’re gonna be late, and it’s all your fault. The fuck are you even doing in there?” “Yeah, and I’m starving!” John chimed in. “I want my Cheerios!” “Fuck, hang on! Give a guy a moment, I literally just woke up all of ten seconds ago,” Bro groused, shoving the puppet trunk out of the way and opening the door to find two annoyed teenagers looking up at him. “Man, finally!” John said, ducking under Bro’s arms and racing to the kitchen. The bus was due to arrive in four minutes, and as a growing boy, John wasn’t about to pass up the chance for breakfast. Dave eyed Bro suspiciously from behind his shades, taking in his disheveled appearance and tousled bedhead. “I don’t want to know what you did last night,” he said finally. Bro had the distinct impression that he was being judged. But Dave had no idea what he did last night. The only person who witnessed it was Cal, and if there was one thing about him that Bro loved, it was that Lil’ Cal never judged him. “Good,” Bro said simply. “Because I don’t want to tell you.” He stepped aside to let Dave pass, and they were both perfectly fine with that arrangement.

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #homestuck #houston we have a problem #my fanfiction

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 14

(Okay, finally done with this chapter! Oh man, I kept running into roadblocks with this one, but hey, it’s done! And it’s long, holy shit, about 6200 words, definitely way longer than all of my other chapters for sure. And first of all, I need to give a huge THANK YOU to gcterezi, puddleofbodka, and karkatswaifu for putting up with me sending them rap lyrics and being like “GUYS THIS SUCKS WAT DO. D:” And thank you to the anon who lit a fire under me and helped me get my rear in gear and finish this thing! Enjoy, guys, and I'm really sorry about the wait. <3)

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: PG-13

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

--------------------------

Bro was on tenterhooks for a week, waiting for Egbert to tell him about his plans for their big date. Every time he tried to ask about it, Egbert always brushed it off with some cryptic answer or another. Bro was idly contemplating what he had in store for him while he was at work on a busy Thursday night. For some reason, he was distracted tonight, unable to devote his full attention to his job. It wasn’t the best state to be in, but he was restless, and his mind kept casting around for things to think about as he methodically worked the turntables. A light bulb inside his head flashed on when he remembered that he had been intending to ask Rufio something. He got a lengthy song rolling and abandoned the DJ booth to push his way through the crowd. Some of the people on the dance floor were muttering darkly and giving him looks, and he knew that he was damaging his reputation as a DJ by skipping out yet again, but he couldn’t help it when he got flighty. He mentally promised himself that he’d make it up to his patrons when he returned to the booth, and he sidled up to the bar. “Bro, you’re not supposed to come up here anymore,” Rufio said warningly, eying him while he finished preparing a drink for a customer. “Yeah, yeah, I know,” Bro said, waving away his words. After the last fiasco, his boss had explicitly forbidden him from taking breaks on his shift, but he didn’t care about consequences. “This is legitimately only going to take two seconds. I got this sweet new game, wanna come over tomorrow so I can wipe the floor with you?” Rufio snorted. “Yeah, you’re going down. You mess with the bull, you get the horns.” “Bring it on, Ruf. Bring. It. On.” “I’m bringing it, believe me. But, uh, I might have to bring my kid too. Tav accidentally started some literal sick fires the last time I left him unattended.” Bro sniggered in appreciation. “Yeah, sure, let him tag along. He can chill with Dave. God knows he could use the company, since he’s still a little blue.” “Yeah, so could Tavros, actually. You’ve met him, you know what he’s like, always optimistic and happy, but still, he’s been having it rough lately. Hanging out with someone who doesn’t want to kill him or make fun of him would definitely do him some good.” Bro met Rufio’s gaze. “About the two of them – are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Rufio smirked. “Yeah, I think so. You know what they say, great minds…” “…think alike. Fuck yeah, let’s do this shit up right!” They high-fived triumphantly, and Bro skittered back to the DJ booth before his boss caught wind of his absence. -------------------------- The next day, it occurred to Bro that he probably should at least warn Dave about their visitors. He knocked on the bedroom door and opened it to find Dave sprawled out on his bed doing homework like he always did after school on Fridays, so he could enjoy the weekend without it hanging over his head. “Hey, little bro, I forgot to tell you – Ruf’s stopping by to thrash up some mad stunts on the Xbox, and he’s bringing his kid with him.” “What, am I supposed to entertain him?” Dave asked, looking up from his math textbook. “Something like that, yeah. We figured you could just chill out with him. He’s a nice kid, your age, maybe a bit dorky and has a stuttering problem, but he’s cool in his own way.” “Bro, I don’t want to spend my Friday night hanging out with some awkward stuttering dork.” Bro leaned against the wall. “Come on, give it a shot,” he encouraged. “Think of him like he’s E. Coli bacteria, and you’re a slab of room-temperature Canadian beef. He’ll grow on you.” “Dude, you equating him with bacteria does not make me any more thrilled about hanging out with some kid I don’t even know.”

Bro grinned. “Hey, don’t judge before you meet him. You might get along with him. You know, he’s into fairies just like you were…” “Will you stop bringing that up! I was in kindergarten, fuck you!” “I still have that magic wand we stole from there, you know. You can probably seduce him with it…” Realization dawned on Dave. “Oh my god, you’re trying to set me up with him, aren’t you. I am not in the mood for this, Bro, not after what happened with John.” “Well, I have it on good authority that, unlike John, he happens to be interested in guys. Apparently he had the biggest crush on Peter Pan growing up.” “He sounds like a complete tool,” Dave said flatly. “You’re a complete tool.” “Your face is a complete tool.” “Your mom is a complete tool.” “Bro, I don’t have a mom.” A lengthy silence ensued. “…Would Egbert be an appropriate substitute?” There was a moment’s pause as Bro briefly considered a mama Egbert clad in nothing but an apron and Dave envisioned a mother who always had a slice of red velvet cake and a glass of milk waiting as an afterschool snack. Dave was the first to recover and fire back another comeback. “ Mr. Egbert is a complete tool!” “Fuck you,” Bro replied, smacking him upside the head and heading for the kitchen to graze on frozen chicken wings. He was halfway through his tenth wing when his cell-phone started blaring “I Won’t Say I’m in Love,” the ringtone that he assigned to Egbert’s phone number for ironic purposes. He snapped it up and held it to his ear, already talking before the caller could get a word in edgewise. “S’up, Egbert? You have uncanny timing, I was just contemplating you wearing nothing but an apron.” He went back to chewing on the chicken bone. Egbert, who was used to Bro’s unconventional greetings by now, took this information in stride. “A charming image, I’m sure you find it. I’ll keep that in mind for future reference.” “Fuck yes, I am on board with this idea.” “May I ask what prompted such a thought?” “What, can’t a guy picture his boyfriend half-naked in peace without the prude police getting all up in his grill? Nah, it stemmed from a ‘your mom’ joke. I asked Dave if you’d be an appropriate substitute for the mom that he doesn’t have, and then that naturally led to me thinking of you being in the kitchen and baking with just a little frilly apron on to hide your glorious manhood from my virgin eyes in the most tantalizing fashion.” “Naturally. Well, I’ll wear the title of Honorary Mother with pride,” Egbert said, and Bro could hear the smile in his voice. “I am calling for a reason, though. Would it be all right if I stop by on my way home from work? I have something that I need to tell you, and I’d rather do it in person.” “Why is that even a question?” Bro deadpanned. “It’s not like you’re never not welcome in my humble abode. I’ve just got a friend coming over in a couple hours for an epic video game session, that’s all.” “Well, I’ll be sure not to overstay my welcome, then. And it is good form to ask anyway, I wouldn’t want to intrude.” “You can intrude on me any day.” Bro put down the clean chicken bone and ripped off a piece of another wing with his teeth. “And yes, I mean that exactly the way it sounds.” “Your innuend—” Egbert interrupted himself mid-word to ask, “Are you chewing while you’re talking?” Bro swallowed his bite of food. “Not anymore.” “I don’t know whether to find the fact that you’re eating while you’re on the phone with me exasperating or bizarrely endearing.” “The latter, obviously. I’m an endearing dude, just call me Mr. Huggy Bear.” “Fine, Mr. Huggy Bear, I’ll be over in an hour and half or so.” “Sweet, see you then. Love you.” Bro still got a thrill of delight every time he got to say out loud that he loved Egbert. That giddiness of loving someone and being loved never dimmed, not when he had been so starved for affection after so many years of being single. “I love you too,” Egbert replied, and Bro hung up with a faint smile on his face. He was in a good mood; things were finally looking up for him, and he was positive that Egbert was at last about to spring the news on him about that much anticipated, mysterious date.

He wasted time messing around on his computer and browsing through his Complete Bullshit content aggregator. He had just moused over a website’s strip and prepared to click on it —Pimped out puppets cam! All puppets, all pimp!—when the buzzer sounded, and he sprang from his seat to let Egbert in. “Hey,” he said as he opened the door to find Egbert sharply dressed as ever and carrying his briefcase. He took a brief moment to appreciate Egbert’s dashing good looks before launching into the question he had been dying to ask, refusing to get sidetracked by his attraction to Egbert’s business attire. “So, what’s the big news?” “Well,” Egbert said, shrugging off his suit jacket and loosening his tie. “I have good news, and I have bad news. Which would you rather hear first?” “Bad. Let’s just get that shit out of the way now.” Egbert sighed and placed a hand on the small of Bro’s back, guiding him over to the futon. Bro couldn’t help but feel a ripple of trepidation as they sat down and Egbert laced his fingers through his own. “I’m being sent on an international business trip to Germany. I’ll be gone for a week.” Bro stared at him, trying to process the implications of this statement. Not only was their momentous date being postponed, he was going to have to spend a week separated from his boyfriend by the vast ocean and a six hour time difference. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked, aghast. “Is this one of your stupid pranks?” “I wish it was,” Egbert said wryly. “But alas, it’s not.” Bro exhaled, leaning back and rubbing his free hand over his face. “When do you leave?” “Sunday night, and I’ll be returning the following Monday morning. I’m afraid it’s rather short notice, but my boss requested me, and I can’t very well say no.” “Doesn’t mean I can’t be upset about it.” “Trust me, I am too,” Egbert assured him, stroking the pad of his thumb over the back of Bro’s hand. “And I hate to spring this on you now, but I have a favor to ask of you.” “Yeah, anything,” Bro said, and he meant it, he would willingly do whatever Egbert asked of him. “It’s about John. Back in Washington, I would ordinarily ask a neighbor to look after John when I had to leave on business trips, but I’m afraid I’m not quite as familiar with our new neighbors to the extent that I’d feel comfortable asking them such a thing. Would you mind taking John in, just for the week?” “Yeah, why not?” Bro said, shrugging. He’d more or less patched things up with the younger Egbert after Dave told him about John’s apology, even if he was still a little sore over the whole incident. “He can crash on a sleeping bag in Dave’s room, no big deal.” “Thank you, Broderick,” Egbert said, gratefully squeezing his hand before letting go of it and running his own hand up Bro’s back to rest on his neck. “I’m sorry that this had to happen, I know it’s not ideal timing—” “The world is conspiring to prevent me from getting laid.” “I understand, I know how it feels,” Egbert said, his fingers rubbing slow, soothing circles at the base of his skull. Bro sighed, gloom settling down around him, and he leaned into Egbert, who wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Guess I’m gonna have to get my week’s worth of Egbert Time in now. I’m gonna miss you,” he murmured. Egbert kissed the top of his head. “Not as much as I’m going to miss you,” he stated matter-of-factly. Bro laughed a little. “Fuck, we’re turning into one of Those Couples, aren’t we?” He adopted a high-pitched, mocking tone. “‘I love you.’ ‘No, I love you more, babycakes.’ ‘Not as much as I love you, sweetcheeks!’” “I am surprisingly okay with this status." “Yeah, I am too, as sappy as it sounds.” Bro rested his head on Egbert’s shoulder, and they settled into a comfortable silence. The news that Egbert was about to leave the country made Bro’s heart ache a little, and he was surprised to realize just how much he was going to miss him. He dwelled on his relationship, feeling strangely warm and fuzzy on the inside. He had never loved or trusted someone so much before – not like this, never like this. And a wild, crazy idea occurred to him, the ultimate display of trust he could give Egbert and show him the extent of his feelings for him.

He spoke up suddenly, breaking the quiet atmosphere. “Hey, did I ever tell you my whole name?” Egbert frowned, thinking back on it. “You know, I don’t think you ever did. Come to think of it, I just assumed upon first meeting you that your full name was Broderick Strider, given your nickname.” As the realization dawned on him, his face drained of all color and he looked a little horror-stricken. “Oh dear, I hope that wasn’t presumptuous of me…” “Right, well, I don’t exactly go around telling people my history when it comes to names, but… I wanted to tell you.” He took a deep breath, wondering for one split second why he was even entertaining this insane notion of baring his deepest secret. “My given name was Dirk. Dirk Strider.” His nose wrinkled like he smelled something sour. “After a lifetime of being referred to as Dork, Dick, Derp, and Haha-Your Name-Sounds -Like-A-Porn-Star, I got sick of it. It never suited me anyway. Legally changed my name to Bro when I was 18, since that’s what I was exclusively going by when high school happened, and I never looked back.” Egbert looked gobsmacked, for lack of a better word. “Broderick, I— Ah, but no, that’s not even your name, I can’t call you that any longer—” “If you call me Dirk, I will not hesitate to punch you in the gonads,” Bro flatly informed him. “But it’s your birth name!” “Yeah, the birth name given to me by the jackasses at the foster agency, which, by the way, is a time of my life that I’d really prefer to forget. I don’t need any more ties to it, and I don’t need to be reminded of it every time someone calls me that. Maybe on another day in another life, the name would have been okay, maybe even cool… but for me? I don’t answer to it.” “I just,” Egbert started, trying to wrap his mind around this revelation. “I cannot believe I have been calling you by a fabricated name all this time. I’m so sorry,” he said, his expression somewhat pained. “No, man, you’re not getting it.” Bro crawled into Egbert’s lap and held his face in his hands. “I like it when you call me Broderick. You’re the only person who calls me by a real name, not just my nickname. It makes you special. And hey, if it bothers you that much, I guess it’s not too much of a stretch – Broderick, Derick, Dirk…” He trailed off and shrugged a little. “And by the way… you’re the only person who knows about that name. I’ve never told Dave. Nor Rufio or any of my other buds. Just you.” He paused to let the gravity of that statement sink in, but Egbert still looked troubled. Bro exhaled and flipped the other man’s fedora off of his head so that he could run his fingers through his short hair. He felt a little guilty himself, wishing that he hadn’t dropped the bombshell after all. “Egbert. I didn’t tell you this because I wanted to make you feel bad, I told you because I wanted to, I don’t know, give you a part of me that nobody else knows about. Now call me by my name. My real name. Your name for me.” Egbert hesitated, then smiled. “Fine, Broderick. If that’s what you want. And I’m honored that you’d entrust me with such a personal detail.” “Now you’re getting it,” Bro said, grinning as he leaned in to kiss Egbert before slipping off his lap and tucking himself under his arm once more. “Oh, yeah, and what was the good news?” he added as an afterthought, keen to hear what else Egbert had to say. “Ah, yes! Well, you’ll be happy to know that I finally ironed out the details for our upcoming date.” “Yeah?” Bro said, excited in spite of himself. “Yes, I’ve managed to procure tickets to a play that I think you’ll find interesting.” “Oh.” Bro deflated a little, somewhat disappointed at the lackluster reveal. He wasn’t exceptionally interested in the fine arts, but if Egbert wanted to go to a play, he was willing to go along with it. “What is it?” “Are you familiar with a musical called Avenue Q?” The gears in Bro’s brain grinded to a halt. “Am I… familiar with it? No, I only have the entire soundtrack on my iPod and the lyrics to ‘If You Were Gay’ more or less constantly playing in my head. You’re saying you got tickets. To see a production of Avenue Q.” He was still trying to wrap his head around the information Egbert was feeding him.

“Yes. I just thought it would be something that you would enjoy.” Egbert’s smile wavered hesitantly, a flicker of worry in his blue eyes. Realizing that he was giving off the wrong impression, Bro hastened to fix things and assuage his doubts. He slung a leg over Egbert’s hips and kissed him, long and hard, before breaking away breathlessly. “God, I love you,” he gasped. “You beautiful bastard, you. Fuck yes, I am going to enjoy this! Shit.” He took off his baseball cap and ran his fingers through his hair. “Shit,” he repeated. “I can’t believe you got tickets for Avenue Q. That’s like my entire fucking life’s dream right there.” Egbert beamed at him, relieved at his reception. “I’m glad you’re excited, and hopefully it will live up to expectations.” “Man, judging by the awesome as fuck music and the fact that it revolves around puppets, I’m sure it will. I’ve gotta say, I’m really looking forward to this date, and not just because of the sweet music we’re going to be making when we get back to your house…” Bro smirked and raised a suggestive eyebrow. Egbert opened his mouth to shoot back a quip of his own, but they both suddenly jumped at the loud and abrasive sound of the apartment buzzer. “Oh, yeah, that’d be Ruf and his kid,” Bro said, getting up from his seat to buzz them in through the front door. “Ah, right. Well, I suppose it’s time for me to get going as well. I ought to get home and see what John’s been getting himself into.” Egbert stood up and collected his briefcase along with the fedora that Bro had carelessly dropped on the floor. “Yeah,” Bro said. He was waffling back and forth on whether or not to say what was on his mind when he decided to just go for it. He didn’t care if it made him sound like a doting housewife. “Have a safe flight,” he said, and he could feel his levels of cool dropping like a stone. Egbert smiled at him as he placed his fedora on his head and straightened it out. “Thank you, Broderick, that was very considerate of you.” “Yeah, well, what can I say, you’re turning me into fucking Miss Manners over here,” Bro said, casually stuffing his hands in his pocket. He dropped his voice and said lowly, “But seriously. If you get in a plane accident and dive-bomb into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, I will kill you.” “Your pteromerhanophobia truly astounds me.” “My pterodactyl is awesome.” “That doesn’t make any sense. Neither does your statement that you’ll kill me if I do, god forbid, get in a plane accident, considering that that extremely unlikely event would probably result in my death. I can assure you that it will not happen, given that air travel is far safer than driving my car.” “You don’t make any sense,” Bro retorted childishly, just as they heard the sound of someone knocking at the apartment door. Bro gave him a smug look, satisfied at having gotten the last word in, and opened the door to find Rufio standing there, towering a good few inches over him as usual. “S’up, man?” he said, giving Rufio a fist-bump in greeting and stepping back to let him and the teenager tagging along behind him inside. “Yo,” Rufio said, nodding at both Bro and Egbert. “Hello, Rufio,” Egbert said pleasantly. “Is this your son, I take it?” “Yeah, this is my boy.” He placed a hand on Tavros’s head. “Tavros, you’ve met Bro before, and this is his man, Mr. Egbert.” “Um, hi,” Tavros said with a shy, crooked grin. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Tavros,” Egbert said, shaking his hand with a firm, manly grip. Tavros seemed slightly awed at his presence, not-so-subtly staring him with wide eyes. Egbert was oblivious to the attention, turning to face Bro and bid him goodbye. “I suppose I shall be taking my leave now, then,” he said, regret in his eyes. Bro’s heart sunk in his chest. Scarcely aware of his automatic actions, he placed a hand on the small of Egbert’s back and led him over to the door, drawing him aside for a quick moment of privacy. “Yeah. I’d invite you to stay, but I don’t really think it’s your kind of scene…” he said, trailing off apologetically.

“No, I completely understand, and I don’t think I’d be all that interested anyway,” Egbert said, his tone lighthearted. “I’ll talk to you later, Broderick, and I’ll see you first thing next Monday morning when I’m back in the States. I love you.” “Love you too. See you.” Bro gave him a quick, chaste kiss and handed him his jacket. He watched Egbert walk down the hallway to the staircase until he was out of sight, his brow creased almost imperceptibly. He was already unhappy with the thought of not seeing Egbert again for a full nine days, after getting so used to seeing him whenever he wanted. Behind him, he heard a small, happy sigh, which he was 99.9% positive did not come from Rufio. He turned around and looked at Tavros, who had a dreamy half-smile on his face. “What are you smiling at?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Tavros’s expression immediately shifted gears, freezing like a deer in headlights at the realization that he hadn’t gone unnoticed. “’My boy’s a hopeless romantic at heart,” Rufio explained, a wicked smirk curling the corner of his mouth. “It’s like I keep telling him, someday his prince’ll come, you just gotta believe in that.” He ruffled Tavros’s mohawk. Tavros growled under his breath and smoothed it back into place, trying to hide his embarrassment. “What, so me and Egbert got us a fanboy, then? I mean, obviously, we’re the poster child of pure and chivalrous relationships, I’m the goddamn Cinderella to his Prince Charming. The sheer power of our love for each other is enough to make even the most staunch-hearted swoon like schoolgirls…” Tavros looked like he wanted to sink into a hole in the ground. Bro grinned, thoroughly amused at the situation. He could have continued ragging on him, but the poor kid was shifting from foot to foot, and he decided to give him a break. Besides, he needed to get Dave in the picture. “Hey Dave, your playdate’s here!” Bro shouted. He could hear Dave grumble as he emerged from the hallway, thoroughly unenthused. Tavros laughed somewhat nervously. “Oh, haha, I wasn’t aware, that this was a playdate… Or, uh, what kind of play that phrase would entail.” “Nothing dirty about this play, if that’s what you’re thinking. Jesus dick, get your mind out of the gutter, man.” Tavros’s face flooded with color. “Um. I wasn’t trying to imply anything, uh, sexual, if that’s what you’re referring to. Wow, okay, I’m really uncomfortable right now, sorry if I gave that impression, I didn’t mean—” “Chill, dude,” Dave interrupted. “I’m just yanking your chain. It’s not a playdate, my bro’s just being stupid.” “Dave, you really need to watch your language against me,” Bro admonished. “I have 14 years worth of dirt on you and no qualms about spilling it. So stop being a dick. This is Tavros, Rufio’s kid. Tav, this is my baby brother, Dave.” Tavros was clearly already over his momentary discomfort, grateful to Bro for rescuing him. “Hiiii,” he said with a little wave, his eyes shining with eagerness and a wide grin on his face. There was a pregnant pause until Dave finally said, “Hey.” To his credit, Tavros’s excitement at meeting someone new didn’t waver. “Okay, introduction’s over,” Bro said, clapping them both on their backs and accidentally knocking them into each other. Tavros yelped in surprise and Dave scowled as adjusted his shades, which had been knocked askew. “Yeah, so hit the halls, amigos,” Rufio said. He was already on the futon, messing around with the XBox controllers. “The big boys here are domineering the living room,” Bro finished. They simultaneously pointed at the hallway door. “Jesus Christ,” Dave muttered. He exhaled through his nose and jerked his head towards the doorway. “Come on,” he said to Tavros and headed in the direction of his room, with his guest trailing along behind him. He opened the bedroom door and flicked the lights on, wondering what the hell he was supposed to say now and cursing Bro for putting him in this awkward position. He needn’t have been worried, however, since Tavros had plenty to talk about without being prompted. He gazed around the small room, drinking in the aura of cool.

When his gaze landed on Dave’s turntables, he immediately zeroed in on them. “Oh man, check out that totally awesome gear!” he said, an envious glint shining in his eyes. Dave reconsidered his initial assumptions; maybe Tavros wasn’t as lame as he thought, if he was into his mixing gear and record collection. “Pretty sweet, am I right?” he said. “This shit’s fresher than the Prince of Bel-Air.” Tavros giggled a little at that. “Oh, yeah, that’s pretty fresh! Um, can I assume that you like throwing down sick beats and spitting rhymes, then?” “Yeah, why, do you rap too?” “Uh-huh!” Tavros beamed at him, and Dave’s mood lifted somewhat. Tavros’s enthusiasm was contagious, and despite his evident dorkiness and lack of social skills, he at least had good taste when it came to interests. “Yeah? Fine, let’s see what you’ve got,” he said, falling back onto his bed and lacing his hands behind his head. Tavros followed suit, climbing onto the end of Dave’s bed and tucking his feet underneath him. Dave started to say something about personal boundaries and not crawling over people’s furniture without asking first, but he decided to let it slide. “You mean, like a rap-off?” Tavros asked. “Fuck yes. Come on, Nitram, bring it. Let’s start some sick fires, just you and me.” Tavros bared his teeth in a wide grin. “These incendiaries are most definitely going to be so unhealthy, they’ll, uh, be in dire need of medical attention.” “Damn straight they will. Gonna have to rush them to the emergency room and get some hapless sap to breathe air anew into them with the Kiss of Life, because they are just that deliriously ill. Let’s do this, man. Hit it,” Dave said, nodding at him to begin. Tavros took a deep breath before launching into his rap. “Well, I notice that you don’t want to be the first, because I am the best and you are the worst. You know deep down inside that this is true, when I’m through with you, they’ll be calling Code Blue. My rapping skills will put you to shame, because that is the way that we play this game. Kicking this over for you to take your turn. It’s just too bad that you’re gonna burn!” “Tav, come on, you gotta be trolling me. This shit’s so weak, even you gotta see, that your lame name game and callin’ me the worst shows that you know shit about who comes in first. I’m immersed in an avalanche of obscene suckitude, freestylin’ with someone with no rhythm accrued. And if you can’t admit that this fact is true, you can just go and fucking suck it, dude. ‘Cause I’ve got a shit-ton more gumption than President Nixon, I’m a playa’ who’s ballin’, I know what you’re thinkin’. There’s a swirling vortex of cocks and dicks-in, your mind’s eye, don’t try to deny, that my Watergate flow is sicker than you know. Get that blowchute open, prepare to eat crow.” Dave‘s smirk grew broader as Tavros’s face colored and he stammered out a feeble protest. The best part of rap battles was trying to throw your opponent for a loop and trip them up, and it looked like he’d found Tavros’s kryptonite. “The bottom line is if you wanna impress me, there better be something hidden up your sleeve. Gotta man up and show me what else you’ve got. It’s your turn now, so baby drop it like it’s hot—” “—I’ll still give it a shot, and win this rap battlecal, because my moves are sick and my beats are so radical!” Tavros recovered in record time and shot back a retort of his own, making Dave laugh in genuine admiration for his resilience. “And this beat is as ill as your lame-ass rhymes, which are lame like your ass, which is totally not fine!” Bro and Rufio were listening in as they sat on the floor outside of Dave’s room, huddled together with their ears pressed against the wall. Bro snorted softly. “This is rapidly decelerating into the shittiest gay-off I’ve ever heard. Dave’s gotta be nervous or taking it easy on your kid or something if this is the kind of stuff he’s spewing. Kind of want to go barge in there and tell them that both of their rhymes suck. Give them a lesson on how to seriously throw down some sicknasty beats.” “Yeah, well , as awesome as it would be to schoolfeed them on how it’s really done… Don’t do it, Bro. It’ll kill the mood.”

“The mooooooood.” Bro snickered and started singing under his breath, “Can you feel… the love tonight?” Tavros was mid-verse when Dave interrupted, holding up a hand to shush him. “Wait. Do you hear something?” “Uh.” Tavros listened. “Yeah, I don’t really know what it is, though.” Dave opened the door to his bedroom, and they looked down to find their respective guardians holding each other, softly crooning the lyrics to an Elton John song. Dave was unimpressed. “Seriously, Bro? Seriously?” “Hey little bro, how’s it hanging?” “Dude, what is even with you. I thought you guys were playing video games. Get out.” “Oh, I see how it is. You want some privacy. Fine, I guess we can give you that. What do you say, Ruf? We can load up, we’ll party, maybe go down to the club and slip people some…” “Don’t even, Bro. I know what you’re going to say, and I’ll punch you if you say it—” “Roofies.” “That’s a stupid joke, and you need to stop being a dick and slipping it in every chance you get,” Rufio told him, punching him in the shoulder. Dave exhaled through his nose. “Just beat it, okay?” He shut the door to his room, and the guardians could hear Tavros’s slightly nervous, apologetic voice floating through the wall. “I’m better when I have notes to go off of instead of just, um, having to think of it, in the heat of the moment.” “Nah, man, you’re cool. It just takes mad skills to top Strider talent, that’s all.” Bro jerked his head towards the living room. “C’mon, dude, let’s split. Besides, I still need to whoop your ass at this game.” “You wish! No, but seriously,” Rufio said as they got up off the floor and headed for the futon. “I think Dave’s doing Tavros some good. I haven’t heard him sound so confident in ages.” “Yeah, likewise. I mean, he made Dave really laugh for the first time since shit went down with John.” Bro scooped up the controllers, handing one over and flopping down on the couch. “You think we did good?” Rufio asked, turning to look at him. “Yeah, man, we did good.” “Good. Alright, now it’s time for me show you how it’s really done and obliterate you on Broblerone.” Rufio said, smirking at him. “Like fuck you will!” Bro shoved him with his shoulder and they dived into the game. -------------------------- Three hours later, and they were forced to admit that they were going to have to call it a draw. They were too evenly matched and couldn’t break the cycle of tying with each other. “Okay, fine, we’re done,” Rufio said, throwing the controller on the ground and stretching out his long legs. “Yeah, this isn’t going anywhere,” Bro admitted, yawning as he stood up and cracked his neck in a series of satisfying pops. “We’ll have a rematch sometime to see who really is boss.” “Sounds like a plan. Guess it’s time to go collect my kid, then.” They headed to Dave’s room, and paused for a moment to listen. They could hear Tavros laughing while Dave spoke, and Rufio looked at Bro questioningly. Bro shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, so Rufio went ahead and knocked on the door out of courtesy before opening it. “Hey little man,” he said, sticking his head into the room. “Time to go.” Dave was showing Tavros the archives of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, and they both looked mildly disappointed at the news. “Oh,” Tavros said. “Uh, okay.” “I’ll show you the rest of it another time,” Dave told him as he exited out of the obnoxiously colorful website. “I’d like that.”

“Ace.” “Sorry, little buddy,” Rufio said as they made their way out to the living room. “But we do need to hit the road. I want to stop at the store and pick up some taco shells for dinner before we head home.” “Oh, well, I can never say no to tacos…” “I know, Tav, I know. Alright, well, thanks for inviting us over, Bro. See you at work tomorrow.” “No problem, man,” Bro said, lifting a hand in farewell. “Bye, Dave!” Tavros waved goodbye to him before following Rufio to the door. “Hey,” Dave said suddenly. “Tavros.” “Huh?” Tavros turned around in confusion. “Do you, I don’t know, have a screen name or something?” Bro and Rufio exchanged smug grins of satisfaction over the tops of their boys’ heads. Tavros’s face lit up. “Oh, yesss! Uh, it’s adiosToreador,” he said with barely-concealed excitement. “TurntechGodhead at your service. Maybe we’ll talk sometime or something.” “Yeah, we most definitely will have to make that a thing that happens.” “Cool.” Dave offered him the smallest of smiles, a corner of his mouth twitching upwards. The radiant grin that Tavros offered him in return made up for his own reservation, however. “Uh, where doing this man?” he said, his voice raising into a question at the end of his sentence, hoping that he was using the reference appropriately. Dave’s smile grew. “Where making this hapen. Later, dude.” “Bye!” “Talk to you later, Bro,” Rufio said, giving him a knowing look as he placed a hand on Tavros’s shoulder and steered him out the door. “Catch you on the flipside.” As soon as the door shut behind their guests, Bro rounded on Dave, just like he knew that Rufio was already grilling Tavros. “So.” “So?” Dave raised his eyebrows. “So we’ve got a lot to talk about, little bro. First order of business: what happened? You completely choked on that rapping. What, were you too nervous about there being a cute boy in your bedroom? Cause that’s gotta be the only reason why those so-called fly beats weren’t up to scratch.” “Bro…” Dave growled in warning. Bro wasn’t concerned, he knew that Dave was just covering for his humiliation. “The sexual innuendo was a nice touch, I’ll give you that, but next time you might wanna try to be a little more subtle. You think I bagged Egbert by throwing out a veritable cornucopia of neon signs emblazoned with perverse quips and blatant insinuations about how much I want to do him?” “Yes,” Dave said bald-facedly. Bro eyed him. “Touché,” he finally said. “Well, what’d you think of him overall?” Dave shrugged his shoulders. “He wasn’t totally uncool,” he said nonchalantly. “High praise from a Strider,” Bro said, offering him a stoic fist bump, which Dave accepted. Bro watched as he walked back to his room, and while Dave never would have said so, Bro could sense that he was feeling at least slightly warm and fuzzy inside. And even Bro had to admit that he was feeling a little bit of the same himself. As hard as he was on Dave about his rapping, Bro was proud of him, and it was refreshing to see Dave break out of his slump. Maybe now, Bro thought as he picked up Lil’ Cal and set him on his shoulder, this was the turning point for him.

#houston we have a problem #bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #homestuck #my fanfiction

YESSS!!!!

#homestuck #johnxdave #broxdad

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality

Anya is LIVE right now

FREE

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

Frostcon 2013-2014 HS Photoshoot: BroxDad; BroxJohn; DavexJohn + Stern Fatherly Disapproval

#Frostcon #homestuck #broxjohn #broxdad #davexjohn #rachlikesyourbuns

CAN WE CALL THE BRO/DAD SHIP "OLD SPICE"??

Because that would be amusing as fuck on so many levels. Think about it and you'll find all the levels I mean.

#shut up ryn #broxdad

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 18 [Epilogue]

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: R

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #homestuck #my fanfiction #brodad #Houston we have a problem

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 17

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: R

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #houston we have a problem #my fanfiction #homestuck #brodad

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality

Anya is LIVE right now

FREE

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 16

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: PG-13

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #houston we have a problem #homestuck #brodad #my fanfiction

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 15

(And here is Chapter 15, guys! :D Thank you all for being amazing as always. <3

...Jackoffitude. I'm sorry, I wanted an excuse to use that word. xD)

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: R

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

#bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #homestuck #houston we have a problem #my fanfiction

Bro/Dad:: Houston, We Have a Problem Ch. 14

Title: Houston, We Have a Problem

Pairing: Bro Strider/Dad Egbert

Rating: Overall: R Current chapter: PG-13

Prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=20410808#t20410808

Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18

--------------------------

#houston we have a problem #bro strider #dad egbert #broxdad #homestuck #my fanfiction

Top Posts Tagged with #broxdad | Tumlook

Trending Tags

Last Seen Tags

#broxdad

Trending Tags

Last Seen Tags

#broxdad