#bropost

Dan: Why bro

Phil: Because you make my heart bloom bro

Bucky: what bro?

Steve: tell the whole world that we’re bros

Bucky (whispering): we’re bros

Steve: why did you whisper, bro?

Bucky: because you’re my whole world, bro

your wish has been granted  @imanalpacadumbass​

***

   On a rare and almost uncalled-for occasion, Dan and Phil were outside. Specifically, they just so happened to be standing outside a bakery.

   On top of this, in fact, it happened that both of them were absolutely ravenous.

   “I am so hungry,” Phil whined dramatically, “if we don’t go to this bakery and order ten million muffins right now, I think I might die.”

   Dan, seemingly too hungry to have been able to listen to a word Phil had said, glanced up at the sky, wishing for death. However, he was distracted from his hopeless reverie by an obnoxiously colourful sign which dangled from a post attached to one of the establishment’s exterior walls. It read ‘GAY BAKERY.’

   "Well,“ Dan remarked, gesturing towards the obnoxiously colourful sign, “we definitely need more of this in our lives.”

   "Exactly,” Phil declared, shoving his startled companion through the door of the shop.

   Dan was completely taken aback. “BRO, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” he screamed in anguish, evidently not caring about how loud he was being.

   “I was–” Phil began before being rudely interrupted by a friendly shout of, “Hello, boys! What brings you here?”

   The taller of said boys directed his bleary eyes towards the lad who had just so rudely shouted at them. “He,” Dan replied, pointing at Phil accusingly, “is hungry.”

   “That is very true,” Phil remarked with an explicit sense of immense self-satisfaction.

  “Well, you may be hungry,” the friendly rude guy replied, “but are you gay?”

  “Of course not!” Dan fumed. “We’re too hungry to be feeling even remotely cheerful!”

   “No,” the friendly rude guy said, smirking a little, “I mean gay.”

   This caused Dan to begin sweating profusely instead. “N-no, we’re just bros.”

   “Hungry bros,” Phil added, seemingly unfazed.

   Suddenly, a noise with a volume to rival that of Dan’s voice began to ring throughout the tiny establishment, and it distracted the two bros so much that neither of them noticed it when two burly policemen grabbed them from behind and cuffed their hands.

  “YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR BEING BROS IN A GAY BAKERY!” they boomed in unison.

   “WAIT!” the friendly rude guy shouted above the cacophony, “BY ANY CHANCE, ARE YOU TWO LADS GAY?”

  “NO,” the policemen yelled back, “WE ARE VERY ANNOYED AND ALSO VERY ANGRY!”

   The annoying noise was then amplified to double its initial volume, to which Dan and Phil screamed, “STOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!!!!”

   Unsurprisingly, this was to no avail, for all it did was add to the pre-existing discord and cause everyone whose hands hadn’t been cuffed to cover their ears – once again, to no avail, because why would that work against such a loud noise?

  “IT WILL ONLY STOP IF YOU ADMIT THAT YOU’RE NOT JUST BROS!” the friendly rude guy wailed in agony. “PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP!”

   “FINE,” Dan retorted, “WE’RE NOT JUST BROS!”

   The noise ceased, but apparently, the friendly rude guy did not want to adjust his voice to its absence. “THANK YOU,” he shouted, “NOW KISS AND I WILL GIVE YOU EACH A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF FREE MUFFINS!”

   “…No,” Dan said, utterly bewildered.

   However, Phil apparently had other ideas. Instead of listening to him, he turned to face his ‘bro’ and surged forward, causing Dan’s brain to short-circuit. By the time Phil pulled away (after 0.0009 seconds, to be exact), Dan was a complete mess (and also surrounded by muffins, apparently). “D-does this mean that we’re not b-bros anymore, Phil?” he stuttered, directing his gaze at a random rainbow-coloured muffin on the floor.

   “Nah, bro,” Phil replied casually, picking up said muffin. “I just really wanted some muffins, bro.”