CHEETAH TYCOONS’ SUSHI STEAKHOUSE MEMORIAL MIXTAPE PART ONE
Reimagining the mythic dream that led to the iconic eatery’s rise and ultimate demise.
RYU TAKEUCHI was a REBEL. Growing up in a small home in SAITAMA prefecture.
His parents did their level best to keep him occupied, but RYU was wild from his first breaths.
As a young man he moved to BROOKLYN and took up work as a cook at his brother-in law’s hibachi restaurant. It was hard work but it occupied his mind. It drained him of his mischievous juices. It left him empty to sleep and dream.
It was in these reverie spaces where he saw it. A vision. A dream that every immigrant carries. To build something that you put your name on and leave as a legacy. To work on one's own terms, answering to none.
What he saw was something most profound…
In the VISION that RYU saw, deep in the recesses of his subconscious was something that no man had dared to dream off.. He saw a palatial sushi, steakhouse and hibachi that would be NYC’s only destination featuring the taboo and all but lost art of eating sushi off people. In his place the customer would be king. The staff would avow themselves of the morays that bind normal humans in a pitiful cage of fear. His people would require lion size passion and hearts brave enough to allow strangers to feast upon succulent cuts of HAMACHI, YELLOWFIN and mighty dollops of UNI, flown direct from the TSUKIJI FISH MARKET in TOKYO.
Cost would be no consideration. If a high roller should turn up he’d send one of lackeys to fetch all the fixings from KLAUS in the BRONX.. a 10 k seafood tower with all the ambitious trimmings of STURGEON CAVIAR from IRAN, massive u2 PRAWNS the size of sweet LOBSTERS from the SEA OF CORTEZ and freshly picked WELLFEET OYSTERS all sourced from SAMEER on GRAND ST. Not even the most outlandish request would be turned away. If a sultan required a pet goat, chimp and baby elephant as accouterments to a HUMAN SUSHI POO POO PLATTER, then a mere claps of the SULTAN’S mitts would trigger a CODE RED and all the employees rush into motion to frantically accommodate him.
The all but lost art of NYOTAIMORI began when a monk was tasked with serving a cruel and merciless lorde who had beheaded his predecessor for a lack of ambition in his presentations at his lavish feasts… despite mastering so many components of technique and flavor he knew his mentor hadn’t died in vein…
Being a EUNUCH and devoted master, the MONK (who’s real name has vanished into the quicksand quagmire of timer) had the steady hands to gently place the delicate cuts of fish upon supple flesh to be wheeled before him on an ornate BAMBOO GIRODON’…
RYU woke up in a panic. His heart pounded in his ears and the daylight blinded his eyes.The honking and banging of garbage trucks on WOODRUFF Ave always startled him awake every morning regardless. He grasped desperately for anything he could find so as to jot down this vision. The only thing his digits touched was an old newspaper and a paperclip.
He recklessly thrust the straightened paper clip into his bare thigh like an ink quill and began frantically writing every piece of his dream he could recall in his own blood on the newspaper… Years later that very newspaper would be hermetically sealed and mounted in his office over the door.
Once he ran out of newspaper and his plastically sticky fingers couldn’t bear to clutch the scant bit of metal any longer he stopped… Reaching for the handle of VODKA next to his pillow and his waste bucket, he filled his cheeks like a chipmunk with the triple distilled swill and sprayed the contents all over his festering wound….
After bathing and dressing his wound he rushed out of his home as was already late for work. For the next decade he worked tirelessly saving every penny. When he had saved $250,000 he called his uncle and asked for a meeting with KAIJU, the ultimate boss of bosses in his world.
The plan was brutally simple. He would present his savings and plan before KAIJU and he would take the money, multiply it ten fold and become partners OR KAIJU would slit his throat out of disgust for the audacity shown in even approaching him. As such.
He went to the barber and had a shave before putting on his most serious formal attire. As he marched to the gate of the compound with his life’s savings in one hand and his balls in the other he pressed the bell that summoned the butler…
The door opened and he was escorted through the grand residence and at last sat face to face with KAIJU.
KAIJU sat motionless staring at RYU in a neutral position. RYU bowed deeply before the crime lorde. After slowly raising his crown and locking eyes, his hands reached for the suitcase that opened and placed directly before KAIJU.
KAIJU removed the tattered bloody newspaper with two fingers and held it high above his head. His disgust and amazement painted upon his face were profound…
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?!
KAIJU (proclaimed in JAPANESE)
IT’S MY DREAM LORDE KAIJU. I DREAMT OF A GLORIOUS EATERY THAT WOULD BOLDLY GO WHERE NONE DARE TOO. WE WILL WARM OURSELVES ON COLD NIGHTS TOSSING BUNDLES OF 100’s AS DON PABO ONCE DID WITH BOUNTIFUL BOOTY WE SHALL PLUNDER…
RYU most humbly stated this in a bellowing, confident tone. He kept his head down on the floor, kneeling after making the statement to show utter submission, and to receive his blessing or the steel that would remove his head from his shoulders…
KAIJU bowed his head as well to ponder the bloody newspaper, suitcase full of money and the prospect that he could be a partner in the flagship NYOTAIMORI empire he too had shared since childhood in silence. He too had hit his head very hard. He suffered from brutal cluster headaches. The only reprieve from his pain was demanding his wet nurse strip so he could enjoy his meals utilizing her as a human plate…
JŌSHŌ!!!!! (RISE in NIHONGO)
KAIJU screamed in a death cry.
Both men gasped and pounded to their feet in a singular grunting motion. They stood huffing and puffing, attempting to pull to the oxygen inward to command the response that would follow…
RYU SAN!!!! I WILL PARTNER WITH YOU. I BELIEVE YOUR VISION IS CLEAR AND YOUR HEART IS PURE!!
RYU replied in a deafening roar with his eyes averted to the floor.
YOU HONOR ME BEYOND WORKS LORDE KAIJU! PLEASE ACCEPT THIS GOAT AS A SIGN OF MY SINCERITY AND GRATITUDE.
With that, RYU’s cousin walked into the room as he’d procured the GOAT in anticipation of this going to plan and the plasma in RYU’s person not painting KAIJU’s palatial office like a DNA FIRE HYDRANT that had been pulled open full bore…
RYU again bowed his head deeply as TACHI placed the GOAT before KAIJU and stepped to RYU’s side, bowing as well so as not to make ANY eye contact with KAIJU.
KAIJU clapped his hands very loudly and several servants rushed in with a large platter of COCAINE and a pillow that gently cradled his HANZO STEEL.
He leaned in and took a KARIBUTO like hork from the COLUMBIAN MARCHING MOJO… The servant scurried to RYU and TACHI insisting on both hork as well.
KAIJU exhaled and thrust his robe to the floor, exposing his full body suit of tattoos and genitalia. Both men and the servants averted their eyes as KAIJU was known to still take heads for any action that could sully his ritual of partnership.
He grumbled in a tone that sounded less like words and more akin to monks praying in semi-throat vibration. His eyes clamped shut as he clutched the KITANA, naked, panting, sweat gushing from every pore….
NYOTAIMORI!!!!! FORWARD TO GLORY
KAIJU lifted the blade from his draw stance above his head and let out a furious roar, casting the KITANA’s edge in a crescent, cleaning and decapitating the GOAT in one stroke… The clean, whizz of the blade through the flesh and fur resonated roughly 2300 KHZ per second, nearly splitting the ear drums of everyone in the room.
The GOAT’s lower half flopped to the floor and dowsed the floor in the remaining liquid it held…
The pitch had ended well and RYU would have 2.5 million to build his opulent palace of excess and NYOTAIMORI SAVAGERY…
On opening night KAIJU appeared with his pet KIMOTO dragon on the red carpet. Stepping out of a stretch ROLLS, with 5 companions. A separate ECONOLINE van pulled behind the limo and followed KAIJU and his harem, throwing tiny chickens at BORIS (THE OBESE KOMODO DRAGON KAIJU LOVED LIKE A SON, WHO WOULD GLADLY EAT HIM…). This was imperative as BORIS was known to get mean in public settings and bite folks… He hadn’t eaten ANYONE unless he was taken to the subterranean pool where KAIJU would host DOG and COCK fights. This was also were BORIS was allowed have a nibble of some screaming wiggling piggies before longingly looking at KAIJU for approval to Perry north and enjoy the tasty SLIM JIM THAT BEEN JIN as it had already been a long day and BORIS was always rather hungry…
KAIJU smiled and waved as the camera bulbs erupted causing BORIS to nip wildly around him at the feet of the screaming ladies… It was all they could do to smile and not scream as the camera shutters fluttered like locust wings in a plague. BORIS was pissed but his handler was KAIJU’s mentally challenged baby brother who’d raised BORIS since hatching to be obedient. A truly magic feat to tame a DRAGON in the modern world. Many would look at BORIS and JUNE walking around the compound and think many disrespectful thoughts of this drooling fool leading a deadly dragon on a leash.
It was beyond forbidden to speak to him or interact with him or BORIS in any manner. KAIJU was fiercely proud and protective of both. As JUNE led BORIS down the red carpet, KAIJU’s lackey’s threw baby chickens so as to lead BORIS on the red carpet and also busy his mouth. BORIS most eagerly slagged forward sucking in the little chirping chicks like a HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO on a 1000 LBS. chain.
Dragging a smiling person whose eyes gleamed as wide as the CHEETAH charging ahead and setting the pace of the pride. Storm clouds circle and the watering hole is many more miles still, but the charge forward continues unabated across the SERENGETI PLAIN.
