#brokenpen

happy birthday i think

(BrokenPen)

One day, on my long walks through the park, I encountered a snake. I’m terrified of snakes since I was a kid. Didn’t exactly touch/got bitten by one. My mom is scared of them and when I was little, heard her going on and on what terrible creatures they are.

So, in my child’s mind in love with her mom, I decided I’m scared of them too.

I saw it crossing the road so I stopped, tried to slowly turn around and leave. But, it quickly surrounded me. So, tried turning my gaze over but it came closer. Closed my eyes to not see it.

So it crawled to my ankles and next thing I know, when I open my eyes, it was inches away from my face staring into my eyes.

Long, green with black shapes, terribly cold. And with huge hypnotizing eyes I was always so scared of.

“Why are you so scared of me?” it asked.

“Because you can kill me. One poisonous bite and I’m dead. Or suffocate me.”

“But, I’m only a water snake, even if I do bite you, my poison won’t kill you and I can’t strangle you to death either - not powerful enough. So, why are you scared of me?”

“Because you’re cold and ugly and slippery. And your eyes are hard to look at.”

“So? is this the attitude humans have towards ugly things? Turn their face away? Aren’t we all part of nature’s beauty? You can be ugly and slippery and cold as well. I just show it compared to you, who hide this side of your personality. And about my eyes… I can see in your soul - there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s actually a special gift. So, why are you scared?”

I didn’t know but, the grip was getting tighter and it kept on crawling up on my body.

“You do realize that once you’ll stop being so scared and decide to let go, I’ll also let go?”

“How? I’m just standing here, not moving.”

“Well, you’re tense. The more tense and stiff you are, the more I can cling to you. If you’d just let go of the fear and relax your muscles, I wouldn’t be able to hold on to you.”

“Is this a conversation you have with every human before you kill them?”

“No, just with you. And, I’ve told you before, I can’t kill you even if I wanted to.”

“Why me?” “Everyone has their own impersonated dark side. I am yours.”

I tried relaxing but the thoughts, the fear, just wouldn’t let go. And it kept creeping up, and up, until my throat.

I was suffocating - from its weight, from fear, I don’t know. I died choking.

Or, at least I thought so. When I opened my eyes again, it was right there starring at me.

“Did I die? What happened?”

“No silly, you just passed out because of the fear.”

“And why are you still suffocating me?”

“Because you won’t let go. Until you do, I won’t let go either.”

And I fainted again. And again. And again.

Today, I faint less than I used to. The snake is with me everywhere. Sometimes sneaking in front of me, other times behind me. When I’m happy, when I’m sad, it’s always there.

I tried having other conversations and get answers but, it never spoke to me again.