I met a person online and we quickly found out that we were both selfshippers. Later with further discussion of various medias we were fan of , we found out that there was a certain character we both selfshipped with , ie , same f/o. I felt so happy cuz I thought that finally I met someone who self ships with this character and finally someone who will understand my feelings for this character! But the other person immediately went 'i don't feel comfortable sharing my f/o'. (Which first of all , the character does not belong to a specific person and you cannot refrain the character!) I was heartbroken but ignored to talk about the media cuz if they felt uncomfy sharing , I too felt uncomfy being restraint. Fast forward many days later , everything was going ok and one day the group chat starts discussing the source media of this character I am referring. We were all having a very normal talk and this person (who I am talking about) would start gushing whenever the character was mentioned and started calling this character their husband (which I didn't mind). I too started gushing in between about the source media AND the character cuz let's be honest, if we like a character we don't stop talking about them π. Anyways the point is whenever I would gush over the character and the traits I liked about them , the other person would somehow switch it to them and go 'i am married and bla bla' and the replies i got felt weird as if the person wasn't even considering that other people can have feelings for the character. The overall message I got from their defences kind of made me feel like they were telling me to 'back off'. I was heartbroken and so uncomfortable.
If a self shipper can feel uncomfortable considering 'sharing' a f/o , they should also consider other self shippers feelings who don't mind 'sharing'.
This overall experience made me so uncomfortable and i don't know what to do. I love the character very much but the uncomfy feeling won't go away
I was very respectful of their boundary and didn't mention the character but when I was listing things I liked about them in the group chat for various members to read and the other person just started going 'oh I am married to them , oh I love them and bla bla' which out of context may seem like they were just gushing but i promise you the tone and the way words were worded felt very odd and yea idk how to explain it
Anyways I just wanted it off my mind and maybe get other self shippers views too
IDC if I get hate for this , this needs to be said. If you don't like sharing your f/o , at least don't attack and consider other selfshippers feelings too
Selfshipping is supposed to be fun and healing.
Anyways ππsigning off
