#bro log

DEREK: *the past few days had been rough. he hasn't seen anyone most of the weekend, and between battling the illness, guilt, and frustration (and to degrees he would not admit to, fear and loneliness) Derek is horribly exhausted. almost too much so to get up and answer the door, but he manages, looking a total mess with bags under his red eyes and hair a mess. seeing roxanne on the other side makes him flinch, but if anyone asks, he'll blame it on the brightness from outside. it's pretty dimly lit in his room, what with the light giving him a headache.*

DEREK: Hey. *his voice is much raspier than usual and the greeting sounds more like a croak than anything.*

ROXANNE : *She tries her best not to look super concerned when she sees what a mess he is because likely he already knows how crappy he feels without her saying it.* Hey.

ROXANNE : *Brings out one of the bags of coughdrops she brought him. Its got a ribbon tied around it and with pink glitter pen is written "SORRY YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM IS WORKING OVERTIME <3 <3"*

ROXANNE : These might help your throat. this particular batch is cherry flavored. which in my professional opinion is better then the mint and orange kind but i got you all three just in case you do not agree.

DEREK: *he takes the bag but his eyes have a hard time focusing on what's written on it. he squints, moving aside as a way to invite her into the room, mumbling.* Orange is way better.

DEREK: Thanks though. Thesell do wonders.

ROXANNE: *She steps inside looking around to see how hes been living these past few days of self imposed isolation.* Mmm i should'a known you'd be the kind to be seduced by the false lures of artifical citrus. *She grins at him though. Sick as he may be, she missed him.*

DEREK: *he manages a weak smile, but can't seem to come up with any banter in response. he drags himself back over to his futon and drops his weary bones back onto it.* Gonna sample this shit right now. *pops a cough drop into his mouth and resumes vegging.*

ROXANNE: *Her smile fades slightly at his lack luster response. Its not like him not to not have some sort of even small retort or whity comment.* Hm.

ROXANNE: Ya'know a bed would probably be better then a futon? if you want i can get someone to watch russet for a few days and you could get some actual decent sleep in my room. it would probably be pretty good for you.

DEREK: *crinkling the bag for something to do with his hands.* Huh? Uh... Nah. Ill be alright. Rather not spread my filth around past these doors. *man this cough drop is amazing. why is he suddenly so fixated on it? he's definitely in denial as to why.

ROXANNE : You sure? i mean its been a while you might not even be contagious anymore.

DEREK: Yeah Im sure. *he sinks into the blankets a little. there's really no good way to avoid that offer without looking avoidant and it's making him feel a little on edge.*

ROXANNE : *Oh. Well. He was sick so maybe he just didn't feel like moving? It was a bit hard to not take the decline of her offer slightly personally, but Roxanne did her best to shake it off and walked over to sit down on the end corner of his futon.* Well, okay.

ROXANNE : Ya'know i hope you get better soon, i've been missing you a whole lot lately.

ROXANNE : Guess that is also my fault though, ive been the one making myself super busy.

DEREK: *grunts* Its cool. I always coulda imposed. Before I got sick anyways.

DEREK: ... Just wish I could be more helpful. Watch Russet for you.

DEREK: How is she doin?

ROXANNE: *Her smile comes back, but its softer.* Shes pretty good. been making get well cards for you. 'course ive helped her with some of the lettering, but heck shes getting really good at writing small words. *She then produced a small stack of get well cards, decorated with beautiful scribles that meant to represent various family members, mostly surrounding Derek, and with each came its own personalized note consisting usually of "NoT sICK Is goOd DADDy. RuSSEt <3" in uneven letters.*

DEREK: *his initial reaction to the cards when he looks through them is to laugh, good natured, at how damn cute it is. but then he's staring at it, silently, for a good solid minute, going on two. somewhere during that span of time, his smile disappeared and all that remains are stinging eyes and a tightening throat.*

ROXANNE : *She brightens up at his laugh, finally, Derek acting more like himself. However her brief moment of relief was so short lived, and his expression shifted. Roxanne's eyebrows knit closer togeth in concern, and she reached out a hand to gently rest it on his shoulder.* Derek? you okay?

DEREK: *hides his eyes behind his hand, flinching a little at the touch but not pulling away.* Fuck-- Im. *the rasp in his voice causes it to crack when he speaks and it hurts like a motherfucker.* Fine.

ROXANNE : Uh... no offense derek but... ya' dont really seem fine?? *The concern levels are high and she is scoot closer to him to wrap her whole arm around his shoulders, looking down at the cards in his hands and then back up to his face.* Is something wrong? like don't feel bad about not seeing her much, you're sick and thats pretty damn understandable??

DEREK: *he turns away from her slightly as she gets her arm around him, shaking his head quickly.* Im not-- Fuck. I dont know how to... *he trails off as he's pressing his palm against his face now, fingertips digging in slightly in frustration.*

ROXANNE : *With his reaction Roxanne lets go of him and retracts her hand pretty much entirely, just allowing it to hover in the air between them.* Don't know how to what?? *Her throat felt tight with worry, she didn't know why he was upset but something was really bugging him and she NEVER sees Derek get this worked up.* Derek you're starting to worry me here...

DEREK: *he wants to get up and pace, but he's too damn tired, and that only makes this emotional outburst all the more aggravating for him. he feels stuck, physically, and in this situation. as sure as he thought he was about what he wanted, thinking about everything he has to lose has him feeling trapped in uncertainty. worse yet, how could he possibly break the news to her? he can't act cool about it now. he can't choose his words carefully. he's cornered himself. there's no running, so he can only blurt out the gritty truth, lash out with it.*

DEREK: Ive been cheating on you. With Riley.

ROXANNE : ........................................ *That uh. Didn't quite click.* Wh...What? *Not right away anyways. How could it? That was some sudden hard cold, hard to swallow truth being dropped into her lap like "Here, you deal with this."*

ROXANNE : You... *Derek had been cheating on her. With his ex-wife. For how long? What kind of cheating?? More kissing??? Fuck, Roxanne had trouble believing it was only kissing... Is this why he had been more distant lately? Or was it because maybe she was the one who was distant. Roxanne couldn't find the strength to articulate any of these thoughts right now, and when she came back from the shock of it she discovered that she was staring silently at the floor and her hand had completely retracted from Derek's space and had dropped into a clenched fist in her lap. Oh. And her eyes were watery too.*

ROXANNE : How l-nngn. *No she didn't want to know. She didn't want to know how long this had been going on. She didn't want to know the details of how or when or even why.*

ROXANNE : So you..... *Roxanne swallows, her throat is painfull tight, and her heart feels like its on fire. It was a really good thing she didn't bring Russet with her for this.*

ROXANNE : You and her- *Hold on, deep breath required.*

ROXANNE: ......... *Maybe another, this time with a slight sniffle, and wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.*

ROXANNE : D-Do you.... lo-ove her? *She finally manages to croak out. Unable to actually look at him. Or be near him at all right now. She is actually scooting further away from him on the futon.*

DEREK: *he's turned away from her anyway, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to block out as many senses as he can as he feels entirely too overstimulated right now, and there's a nagging urge to dig his fingers in deeper to his skin. something about the question she settles on grounds him. maybe it's because the answer is easy.*

DEREK: Yes.

ROXANNE : *She lets out a sharp breath, painfully close to a wince really, as it feels like something just hit her hard in both her stomach and her chest. Her face is burning, how she manages to have small tears moving down her cheeks? Roxanne has no idea, because she could swear with the way her flush is heating up her skin any water should turn to steam.* Oh-hhkay.

ROXANNE : D-Do you.... w-want to be with h-her? *Her voice is hitching to much. Fuck.*

DEREK: *even though he knows the answer to that as well, it's much more difficult to answer when the reality of the consequences are nagging so intensely at his mind. there's no going back once he makes those thoughts known.*

DEREK: Y... Yes.

ROXANNE : *Well. She just had to get an answer didn't she. Roxanne can't believe that even for a moment she entertained the idea of the answer being anything else but "Yes."*

ROXANNE : *She silently, and kind of clumisly, rises to her feet. She moves to take out and set down the last two bags of cough drops and the containers of soup on the nearest table, and then she is heading for his door. Because she just.... she just can't be in here anymore.*

DEREK: *he feels her raise off the futon, hears her set down the bags and containers, but he doesn't respond until she's near the door. only then does he lift his head, yet he does nothing to stop her. he just stares at the cards in his lap, dread bubbling in the pit of his stomach.*

ROXANNE : *She makes it all the way across the room, her hand actually on the door handle itself when she freezes, not yet turning it, but not turning back to him either.* ............. *She is waiting. Waiting for even the small chance that maybe, just maybe, he was mistaken and was about to take it all back.*

DEREK: *unfortunately, that isn't the case. his mind is made up, and if she just wants to go, then he has nothing else he can say.*

[06:11] TT: *it wasn't too unusual for derek to be quiet, but there's always a distinct difference between his regular brand and his tense brand of silence. he's been preoccupying himself with this damn delicious apple cake james also gave to him, while simultaneously feeding russet pieces and glaring at the neat device that very same man had gotten her. stupid egbert.*

[06:15] TG: *She is pretty absorbed in what she is doing, but once in a while Roxanne is glancing over at her grumpy looking man and her alien baby. It doesn't take her /too/ long to comment on Derek's mood.* Ya' sure are giving russet's toy th'stink eye.

[06:18] TG: *Russet is oblivious to the glares towards her new husktop, and just opens her orange drooly mouth when she wants more cake.*

[06:21] TT: Dunno what youre talking about. I always look like this. *wipes drool off on his shirt*

[06:25] TG: How many times have ya' looked in a mirror then, 'cus you don't /always/ look that grumpy. *Roxanne puts her tablet down in her lap for a moment, turning herself more towards Derek and Russet. She knew that this last week or two had probably been a bit stressful or at least weird for him.*

[06:56] TT: How do I usually look then? *tilts his head back to look at her. he's TRYING to lighten the mood by teasing, because he would rather not draw anymore attention to his mood.*

[06:59] TG: More serious, less like ya' want to wish away a children's computer. also handsome as heck but that hasn't changed. *She offers a bit of a smile.*

[07:06] TT: *smirks back at her and then looks at russet again* I wouldnt wanna wish her gift away. Shes having fun with it. *pats the baby's head*

[07:09] TG: **Russet only looks away from her number game to blink up at her dad when her head is pat. Cue happy chirps.*

[07:09] TG: Okay so ya'dont wanna wish her gift away. then what are ya'frowning about?

[07:39] TT: Nothin. *continues to watch the baby, quiet for a moment* Whats she need it for though?

[07:47] TG: Well ta' learn to spell and stuff i guess, what else? *She leans over to gesture at the word game Russet was playing.* my friend james got it for her. educational toys gotta' be good for her.

[07:54] TT: Yeah alright. *mumbles and eats more cake* Course its from James.

[08:24] TG: Well i mean, really it could have been a few people. but yeah it was from him. *She is picking up on your tone, yes sir.*

[08:25] TG: **Russet stops playing her game again and reaches for Derek's hands. Give her all the cake.*

[08:42] TT: *YOU'RE GONNA GET FAT LIKE YOUR DAD IF YOU KEEP EATING CAKE. he continues to share it though because he's gone soft.* What a great guy.

[08:44] TG: **THE BABY DECLARES LET THEM EAT CAKE, and stuffs her mouth with the amount her dad gives her.*

[08:45] TG: Yeah he kinda' is, isn't he. i think he gave russet the computer, or uh? husktop? is the troll way of saying it? i dunno' if they are any different from each other but anyways, yeah i think he gave it to her because i mentioned how i was worried she wasn't talkin' yet.

[08:46] TT: *hm. he hadn't really given that much thought* Should we be worried about that?

[08:47] TG: *She gives a shrug.* 'dunno. most human babies don't do much more then babble at her age, or what i think her age is anyways, but a lot of the other troll kids are already saying words and russet wont do much else but make bug noises.

[09:06] TT: *makes a disgruntled noise. was something wrong with her?* Sure it doesnt mean anything. *plays with one of russet's braids.*

[09:09] TG: Yeah it probably means nothing at all, and shes just takin' her own sweet time but. . .mhh *Roxanne just shrugs again* I'm sure she will start sayin' words soon.

[09:14] TT: Yeah. Shes just the quiet type. Arent ya Russ? *offers her more cake*

[09:17] TG: **She makes a squeaky trill and happily grabs the cake from her dad.* **Om nom nom*

[09:18] TG: *Roxanne contains her sigh.* Yeah she sure is. wouldn't complain if she even just made more language sounding noises though.

[09:29] TT: Well get her there. *you can COUNT ON IT, roxanne. now that he knows its an issue, he probably wont leave it alone...*

[09:31] TG: *She gives him a smile that hopefully contains her thanks. Roxanne tries to play it down but it does worry her. She doesn't know a lot about raising trolls, and well, Ymirra aint around to ask anymore.*

[09:32] TG: **There are tiny hands lifting up to smeer drooly cake mush on the underside of Derek's chin. Russet may not know how to say "Dad" but she knows how to share.*

[09:42] TT: *scrunches up his face as mush is squished to his chin* ... Thanks baby. *wipes it off and finally puts the cake away. they'll get tummy aches if they eat much more.*

[09:43] TG: **She makes a noise that is a mix of laughter and chirps while clapping her messy hands together.*

[09:44] TG: *Roxanne hides her snort by hiding her face with her tablet.*

[09:49] TT: *looks over at her* What are you gigglin at huh?

[09:59] TG: **Russet giggles louder, copying her mom by covering her big grin with her hands.*

[10:00] TG: She's laughin' at how funny she thinks she is probably. *Smirks at him from over her device, pretending to go back to work.*

[10:09] TT: *scoops up russet into his lap and tickles at her tum* Ill give you something to laugh about.

[10:12] TG: **But DAD!! Russet squeels, wriggling about and trying to cover her tummy while the merciless tickles continue. Shes laughing more then ever.*

[10:12] TG: *And its super hard for Roxanne not to get a case of the giggles herself from low key watching this.* Ya' two are too cute.

[10:26] TT: Yeah I know. *TICKLES while cackling* But you know whatd be cuter? If you were over here with us.

[10:29] TG: Oh well in that case, i'm all for cute overloads, so looks like genome structure samples gotta' wait. *Roxanne puts down her tablet and sits next to Derek and squirming Russet. Without too much time passing, she scoops up one of Russet's feet and gives it a good old raspberry, making the little troll girl giggle even louder.*

[11:07] TT: Heh. Shit looks like I was right. Much cuter. *stops tickling her so the poor kid can get a moment to breathe*

[09:37] TG: *Now that Russet isn't being tickled to death the little girl is able to pull her foot free of her mom, to which Roxanne fully complies with and releases her baby's toes. Gotta' give the kid time to breath and all that.* Heheh, yeah ya' sure were.

[09:50] TT: *now that he's lured her over, he leans in to give roxanne a quick kiss. it feels like it's been a while, and between the possessiveness and the insecurities that have been dug up lately, he can't help wanting that closeness.*

[09:55] TG: *She smiles when he kisses her. As much as Derek desired the closeness, Roxanne wanted it just as badly if not more so. It was hard to watch someone you care about stress over something so much, and while Roxanne knew it was best to stay out of it as much as she could, it still meant the world to her to be able to be here for him. She only pulled her lips away so she could give him another kiss on

[09:55] TG: his cheek and lean her head on his shoulder.*

[09:55] TG: So, new years is comin' up. any resolutions?

[10:06] TT: Hmm. *rests his head on hers, lifting russet to sit in his lap and bouncing her a little.* I got so much I could improve on I dont even know where to begin.

[10:13] TG: **Russet is quite content being bounced and held by her human-lusi, and makes it known through her pleased purrs.*

[10:14] TG: *Roxanne hums and taps a finger to her chin to dramatically express her thinking.* Well, start by pickin' just one. and make it dooable so you don't cop-out half way through the first month.

[10:44] TT: *considers his options... which all involve general self improvement, in terms of him just... being kind of an asshole.* I guess eatin fewer doritos is doable.

[10:56] TG: That sure is. how many bags of doritos do ya' eat in a day?

[11:03] TT: ... Id tell you but you might get a lil concerned for my health.

[11:04] TG: . . . derek oh my god how many do you eat.

[11:19] TT: Doesnt matter. Cuz from now on I can totally limit that number to one.

[11:19] TT: ... Or two.

[11:22] TG: *Roxanne lifts her head up and takes Derek's hand before putting two of her fingers to his wrist to check his pulse*

[11:23] TG: . . . . .

[11:23] TG: A'ight, you're good for now. one bag a day max from now on.

[11:23] TG: An' no bears.

[11:29] TT: Its always gotta come back to the bears doesnt it? Come on Ro.

[11:29] TT: If I were wrestling bears I wouldnt have time to eat so many doritos.

[11:30] TG: Those bears would eat you like a dorito instead.

[11:25] TT: *snickers a little at the comparison* No way I told you I got this.

[11:27] TG: An' i told you that i fought th'bear i cloaned it from. it took me, your brother, ymirra, and several others to bring it down.

[11:27] TG: It would eat ya'.

[11:48] TT: Not if I ate it first. *what?? he doesnt seem to care that hes spouting nonsense as he starts smooching on her again. on the cheek and the jawline.*

[11:50] TG: And eatin' a whole bear is any better for your health then endless bags of doritos?? *She starts out laughing but it fades into a pleased hum as Derek leaves her cheek for her jawline.*

[12:00] TT: I dont wanna take it out for my health. I wanna do it for the fun of it. *casually trails down to her neck next.*

[12:03] TG: *And boy howdy does she let him.* Do ya'know how hard it is to make bears? *She lets out a happy sigh, shutting her eyes as she feels his lips on her neck* if you killed it you'd owe me a bear.

[12:09] TT: I think I know a thing or two about procreation. *wait that just sounds like he'd fuck a bear. now he's snickering against her neck immaturely. this is not cool of him at all.*

[12:11] TG: Oh my god, you're like twelve years old sometimes, derek. *She's trying not to laugh, to take the HIGHGROUND. But its really hard not to snicker with him, because she is also eturnally young.*

[12:17] TT: That double entendre seriously backfired on me. *more of his wheezy laughter before he returns to kissing her.*

[12:21] TG: *Roxanne is of course enjoying the attention, and kisses, but UNFORTUNATLY there is the fact that Russet dislikes it when all eyes aren't on her, and the troll baby starts squirming in her dad's lap again.*

[12:21] TG: **Her parents can be gross some other time*

[12:22] TG: Uh-oh, fussy baby alert.

[12:46] TT: *he actually does frown a bit but when he pulls away from roxanne he's smirking again.* Hey lets be reasonable here. You got pretty much all my attention kiddo.

[12:47] TG: **Russet nudges his belly with her tiny feets and chitters at her mom and dad creatures*

[12:48] TG: We've been over this though, she's gotta' have all eyes on her at all times. *Although Roxanne agrees that maybe Russet could have WAITED a bit.*