Chris Martin is an up and coming comedian that you cannot afford to miss. With his recognisable name, Chris pokes fun at those that are stupid enough to ask if he is aware of Coldplay and uses his whimsical wit to capture his audiences. Gigging frequently around the UK, he still manages to find time to record a podcast with fellow comedian Carl Donnelly, update his own blog and even occasionally appear on BBC Three. I talk to him about how it all began and who he thinks is the next big comedy act.
Tell us a bit about yourself. Where are you originally from?
From West London, Chiswick, very posh. Basically, Chiswick’s claim to fame is that everyone who has ever presented Blue Peter has lived there at some point in their life. I saw a lot of Stuart Miles when I was the library revising. Once me and my mate were playing pool in a bar, and when we signed up we put fake names down. For some reason I put down Tim Vincent, they then asked my bank card for a deposit, which then meant I had a lot of explaining to do.
How did you get into comedy?
When I was at school I loved watching stand-up comics. I think Jack Dee was my favourite person when I was young, him and Eddie Izzard. I tried something at school at lunchtimes and after that I started doing open-mic stuff, but then I ended up getting disrupted and went away for a bit. When I went to Newcastle universit, I gigged throughout my time there and when that finished, I started gigging full time.  I wanted to be full time after a year after finishing university which I pretty much did. It’s good, it’s fun.
At university were you mainly doing the SU open mic nights?
It was a mixture. I had to drive so far when I was in Newcastle because there wasn’t a lot there, so I did a lot of work at other universitys too. It was good fun  but sometimes I’d drive to a gig for three hours on my own and back and on the way back there’s nothing on the radio at all, so I ended up just talking to myself.
Tell us about your first Edinburgh show
It was called Triple A, and it’s been going for a few years and is put on by Bound and Gagged and we had to do an audition to get selected. We had to do 20 minutes every day at the Pleasance Courtyard and keep evolving it, keep making it funnier and just dealing with a mixture of crowds that can be well up for it or people who just don’t know what we’re doing. It was weird because it was like a normal comedy night, but because there was no bar or even backs to the seats,  it was also just like being locked in a basement, made to watch three people and only allowed to have one drink. I think the audience were there for the comedy club atmosphere but they weren’t even allowed out. It could have been the funniest thing in the world but they had no liquid to drink, so it was hard, but it was good.
Did you enjoy performing at the Pleasance Courtyard?
Yeah, but it’s quite hard cause people pay the same price to watch people they’ve heard of and they come and see you and see a selection of new but promising comedians so sometimes it’s hard. Also, those rooms are really hot and there are no backs to the seat. But it’s good because it made you realise what isn’t working and change what you’re doing, it’s a good learning experience. Edinburgh makes you better, that’s the main thing, makes you funnier.
What’s the best gig you’ve done so far?
I’ve done a paid gig at the Comedy Store, so being paid to play there is so far my highlight.It was such a pleasure to play there, it’s the best gig in the country, the crowds, everything about the room is perfect and it’s just so fun.
Was that good to be at the comedy store after a relatively short time working full time as comic?
Yeah, when you’re younger you watch it on TV, people doing the Comedy Store on Paramount and just think, “Awh I’d love to do that”, and to do it was great. But then you need to progress and start doing weekends there, so there’s always ways you can progress, but so far that was the best.
Because I live near there, I’d love to do a gig at Hammersmith Apollo and just see my name outside Hammersmith Apollo. Might just go and graffiti it on there. If the comedy doesn’t work, I’m just going to vandalise the place, that’s my plan.
In contrast, what’s the worst gig you’ve ever done?
People do ask me, “do you ever get booed off?” and that hasn’t really happened to me. I don’t mind if people give you shit or boos because at least you can have some fun with it. The worst is just people staring at you. The worst one I’ve ever done was at my mate’s birthday at a cricket club in Manchester, him and his dad kept saying, “Go on, do some stand-up” because I’d done it for a couple of years at university. Eventually I got drunk enough and just thought fuck it, this’ll work. It was just old northern people in a cricket club just looking at me like I was just this London prick telling them little whimsical stories. When I went to the toilet afterwards I heard this bloke saying, “I don’t like alternative comedy”. I said I’d never do it again and I did it at another person’s party and it was equally shit.
How do you deal with hecklers?
You get people who go to comedy and think they’ve got to heckle as they think it makes it better or that it’s helping you out, but to a lot of comedians it’s just fucking annoying. But sometimes you get a funny heckle and that’s good. I think the best heckle I had was in Edinburgh.  I was chatting to this couple and asking how they met and it turned out they’d met on the internet. I asked which website they’d met on and this Geordie bloke at the back shouted “Ebay!”. I thought that was good and I’ve been quoting him since, he got a massive laugh.
If you do have a bad crowd in, how do you turn the room around?
You get a feel for a room, some audiences like chatting, some don’t. I did a university gig where the audience were all freshers and they were really scared to talk and they were looking at each other to check if it was funny. So you just have to try a bit of banter and if that’s not working just get on with the material and if that doesn’t work…try napping?
I once hosted a really shit gig where it wasn’t suitable for material or banter so I ended up hosting a scotch egg eating competition which was just bizarre.
Have you got any bad habits or rituals that you have to do before a show?
I always have a pint of water and a pint of coke, so I’m a bit of a diva and have two different drinks. I’d love to say I do something weird like press-ups or something, , I’m so boring, I need to make myself more interesting, I’ll do star jumps before I go on stage.
What’s the current comedy circuit like in London?
London is good, you see a lot of familiar people and we all get on pretty well. The 99 club in Leicester Square where I MC has loads of great gigs. The great thing about London is that you can do 2/3 gigs in a night so you get to entertain people more than you can out of London generally.
Who inspires you on the circuit?
I’ve done a gig with Micky Flanagan and he’s just unbelievable. Him and Alan Cochrane I think. I saw both of their shows in Edinburgh and they were effortlessly funny, they’re just in a different league as they both make the most mundane stuff funny throughout. Literally whatever is in their mind they’ll say it and it’s just funny.
Do you find being a comedian an isolating job?
The thing is with me is I’m the archetypal most needy mate, I can’t spend more than five minutes on my own, I get so bored so when I’m in the car I’ll be trying to ring people at like half twelve saying “alright, what you up to?”, I just need to talk to people. I don’t mind driving to gigs as long as I’m with people in my car.
Do you ever try and bring friends with you?
I think my mates are far too cool for me to bring them as a cheerleader to my gigs so I’ve just had to get used to doing it. When I’m in London gigging it’s good though because you’re generally doing them with other people. But I had to go to Preston and back for a gig once on my own which is basically like an eleven hour round trip in my car, I was so bored I ended up trying to communicate to other drivers through the window and trying to start sign language chats.
Do you ever think about giving it up and doing a 9-5 job that doesn’t require so much travelling?
No, every job has its downside, even if you really love it, which I do. I’ve just got to accept it and stop being a ten-year-old child and get used to some alone time and trying to educate myself.
 If you weren’t a comic, what would you be?
I don’t know what I’d be actually. I did English literature which means you can do any job in the world... or just be an English teacher. “You can do anything” “Really! Can I be doctor?...part from a doctor…ok an archaeologist?…part from that….
No I don’t think I’d be an English teacher because I did do a bit of teaching before I went full time as a comic, and it’s a good job but I just felt like a big dick in a small pond…like I’m cool…compared to children. I’d like to be something quite creative where I get to talk to people a lot, be a poet. I did a poetry class at school because I thought there would be loads of fit girls doing it, but instead it was loads of dudes who hadn’t washed and I’d be there doing a witty sonnet, but it was quite fun though.
How long were you a teacher for?
I was in my old school just teaching abit of sport, it wasn’t teaching properly but it gave a snapshot of the life, and a free lunch was my highlight.
You now also do podcasts with comedian Carl Donnelly, how did that come about?
We met in Edinburgh Festival a few years ago and we’ve always been good mates and then we started doing a podcast even though everyone under the sun was doing one. It’s just quite fun having a chat, although he is rubbish at uploading them. We did one six weeks ago and he hasn’t edited it yet. But it’s fun, especially as I don’t have anything to do in the daytime so generally I’ll go to his, try and do a podcast, and end up playing XBOX for most of the day. It’s like being a 14 year old again but as an adult and getting paid to do it.
If you had any advice for up and comings, what would it be?
If you’re trying to get on the London comedy circuit you just to do loads of gigs. You’ve just got to work, gig every night, different places, you’ve got to just write loads and take every gig you can. It sounds so cliché but just writing when you can, gig when you can. Be really self critical because you see a lot of people coming off stage thinking their set was alright and just blame the crowd. You should blame yourself, always blame yourself
Who is up and coming that you think is going to be huge?
Kevin Bridges, he’s doing good. He’s fucking funny and a really nice guy as well.  Jack Whitehall, he’s doing great, he’s quality too.
To find out more about Chris Martin or to see if he’s performing near you, check out his website on http://www.chrismartin-comedy.co.uk/ or you can follow him on Twitter.
