#bridlezilla

Saddle Rager: Duh. We’re hot.

Masked Matterhorn: Could you not? I can’t say for sure that crush is the right word, but yes, there are villains that certainly seem to take a shine to certain members of the team.

Saddle Rager: Matterhorn is charmingly terrible at being hit on and some villains thrive on that.

Matterhorn: Not just villains.

Saddle Rager: Hush, my love. He’s also very much a gentleman, and a scholar, so the jilted and cynical can hope there’s still a good stallion out there for them, and it could be him.

Matterhorn: It will not be me. Moving on. Mistress Marevelous gets all kinds of unwanted attention from horrible kings for some reason.

Saddle Rager: I think they either recognize a queen when they see one, or secretly want to be strangled in their sleep because they’re being crushed by the pressure of the crown.

Matterhorn: I doubt it. She was also doggedly provoked by the Cat’s Eye burglar for maybe two or three months when it was just Fillisecond and Marevelous. We know she was doing it to get Marevelous’s attention because, according to Marevelous, she shamelessly flirted throughout the chases. She also stopped once the team expanded and she was about as likely to get Radiance or Zapp  as Marevelous or Fillisecond, and she stopped actually stealing anything. She’d break in with something already bagged up, move something that was a similar shape and size out of sight and wait for Marevelous to show up before she’d attempt to leave the building. She’s shown up a couple of times since, but we’ve never actually caught her.

Saddle Rager: Oh, and she kind of does it to all of us, but Mane-iac is like weirdly obsessed with Marevelous in particular in a way that reads almost like a bitter ex or something, and none of us are totally sure why.

Zapp has a gift with henchponies, and we like to send him out to seduce some villains-

Matterhorn: We certainly do not like to.

Saddle Rager: Don’t be jealous- who seem inclined to flirt back and therefore are easier to distract with Zapp’s wiles. By making his one job flirting, we also keep him from getting distracted. It’s a perfect system.

Matterhorn: A perfectly flawed system. It never actually works. Who’s left, you?

Saddle Rager: Yeah. I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head. Maybe Long Face, but I think his idea of a crush is less a crush-crush and more idealizing someone as a potential cure for depression. 

He did that to Radiance too when she was nice to him.

And of course, Radiance gets the brunt of all the weird villain crushes because she’s just…

Matterhorn: Good at manipulating the emotionally damaged?

Saddle Rager: I was thinking more, “really hard not to fall in love with.” Part of why we let her get captured so much is that after a while it became pretty clear that it was safe to leave her alone with the bad guys. If the main villain doesn’t end up at least a little sweet on her, it’s because they didn’t actually interact with her; but when that happens, it’s because their accomplices or henchponies did, and they usually won’t let the main villain hurt her. She just kind of baseline cares about them, and she’s pretty and sweet and clever and thoughtful and, honestly, pretty close to a perfect companion. Like unless you’re immune to lovely ponies being lovely like Matterhorn here, you probably love her. But, notable example: One time Razzle and Dazzle decided to try hypnotizing her into being their lovely assistant.

It worked, she fully thought she was their assistant and forgot they were the bad guys, she wasn’t manipulating them or trying to get them to like her because she thought they were already her friends, but their plan fell apart anyway because they both ended up getting a crush on her and fighting over her so much that they lost focus on the actual scheme, we just had to come to the show and nab them. They’re inseparable. She ruined them by accident, making Masked Matterhorn wrong. She can manipulate them if she feels she has to, or if she knows they won’t like her and needs to figure out a way to stay safe, but usually she just talks to them. She-

Matterhorn: Stop talking, you’re fawning, and giving too much away.

Saddle Rager: Marevelous isn’t here, it’s my job to talk up her marefriend on her behalf.

Matterhorn: Since when?

Saddle Rager: Since Marevelous said so. Radiance is perfect and deserves all the cults that worship her, and also the infatuation and adulation of all who witness her glory. I think that about covers it.

Matterhorn: Thank you. Get to Fillisecond.

Saddle Rager: Oh, everyone loves Fillisecond. Not so much a crush thing though.

Matterhorn: Agreed, they’re more fond of her. Kind of like a little sister.

Saddle Rager: An annoying little sister who wrecks all your plans, but she’s cute, so you can’t stay mad at her. If Radiance is hard not to fall in love with, Fillisecond is hard not to adopt. Actually scratch that, I know of ponies who have crushes on her, they just aren’t villains, and they skew younger than most of our villains do. I guess Fillisecond attracts fellow good ponies. Also, since they DO skew older than Fillisecond, no crushes on Hum Drum either.