#brianboone

It's truly the last frontier, this mysterious land of exotic treasures that await us below the ocean. This is a travel guide but also a warning. Do not go under the sea. There's all kinds of shit like ... Read the full article

It happens to everyone, but the vestiges of this country's puritanical founding are so strong that we all feel shame about it. We pretend we don't do even do it, retreating behind closed doors and using euphemisms if we even discuss it all. Face it: Once in a while, a scarab or five crawls out of your mouth. It just happens, nobody knows why, and it's pointless to ask questions or try to stop it. It's time to embrace the fact that human bodies produce scarabs that exit via the mouth. The only question: What are you supposed to, like, do with them? Read the full article

In 2001, NBC teamed up with WWE’s Vince McMahon to bring a new style of football to television. The “XFL” differed from the NFL — it was more exciting, fast-paced, and offered an in-your-FACE attitude that only McMahon could deliver. He really did try to mix it up, introducing things like a game-starting scramble (instead of a coin toss) and a two-point post-touchdown run (instead of an extra point kick), as well as the most sexualized cheerleaders in sports history. Somehow, the XFL flopped and died after one season. McMahon moved on, seeking to bring WWE's brand of ruthless aggression into a handful of other sports. Read the full article

It's egg season! With all the planning that goes into Easter, it's hard to set aside the time to figure out the perfect place to lay your eggs as you, as normal humans do each and every spring. Be harried no more, for we've compiled a comprehensive list of the best places to lay your eggs as well as some common but disastrous faux pas. Read the full article

You bear? I bear, too! Yes, you bear. You awake now! This bear awake, too. Why? Winter over. Spring now. Warm sun. Flowers. Grass smell in air smell good. Spring! Spring every place. Not just woods where you, bear, live. You read this now mean hibernation and winter over. You did sleep and body use fat stores to live while sleep. But that not now. It spring now, and you, bear, hungry? You, bear, hungry! Read the full article

The Internet's many nostalgia-stoking listicles about old video games and cartoons are exploitative, sure, but they also serve a valuable psychological purpose. Remembering stuff from one's safe and comfortable middle-class childhood is a refreshing and sustaining elixir against a frightening, crumbling word of encroaching poverty, political upheaval, and loneliness. Nostalgia, in a way, is a jacket, and when you put it on your shoulders and run around with your arms extended and pretend to fly, that is when your soul takes "flight." Doing this as an adult will protect your fragile soul, and now that you're old enough to have taste and money, you can do it in style. Read the full article

So, you're going on a tour of a chocolate factory that operates under a suspicious veil of secrecy. The only way you were able to visit the headquarters of this eccentric candy operation was by finding a golden-colored “ticket” in one of the company’s flagship chocolate bars. It’s a prospect so spectacular that it just may cure one of your many invalid grandparents that all sleep in the same bed. Read the full article

Nothing stays in fashion for long, but few things stay out of style forever. Think of high-waisted jeans, or peasant skirts — those appear every few years, get lame again, then disappear for another couple of decades. Or goth. Short for gothic, it evokes the pale, sickly vibe of the 1800s, and suggests the dark, dreary worlds of Mary Shelley or Wuthering Heights. It plays out as black clothes, dark hair, dark makeup and a commitment to looking miserable.  Read the full article