#breathee

ah so this has happened before but i just realised it happened regarding the same thing or i don't know something like that

it's so unnerving because my brain is a mess of ideas and a thousand fucking details coming along with those ideas and when i try to put them down in writing i think it's alright but then i forget what i wrote and what i wanted to write and what i decided not to write because it's hard to do things like world-building and i had an idea essentially but then i tried to change it and then i tried out a few possibilities in my head to see if they would work but it backfired 

because now i have glimpses of all these ideas in my head and i'm so confused because i can't tell the what-ifs apart from the settled facts and i reread these two chapters four times now and i still don't know what i've been filling them with and i have all these papers around with other ideas and  and and it's so frustrating oh my god

and yes of course then there's the problem of feeling like i have to explain everything, i mean maybe some things ought to be explained in order for it to be better to understand, but where does that stop where do i stop and how do i keep track of what i've already written

oh god i realise most people might not even notice contradictions in details but it pisses me off so much and i really hope it'll get easier and better as the story unfolds but what if i'm doing something very wrong right now what if i'll forget and contradict myself later on