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I woke up at 5 in the morning and my boob was very engorged and this was the conversation.
Me: "oucchhhh, my boob hurts so badly"
Kyle: "your right one?"
Me: ".... Yeah, how'd you know?"
Kyle: "I just had sympathy pain"
πππ
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6 months breastfeeding.
Wow can't actually believe that I have made it to 6 months the breast feeding when I only managed 2.5 months with her sister. So so proud of this journey and everything we have achieved. Let's see how far we can take it. Never give up. Breastfeeding is hard guys but so worth it.
Grandma is taking the night feedings tonight (praise God) so Mama had herself a second glass of wine and I am FEELING IT π
Not drinking for 9 months and then barely drinking for another 10 months makes you such a lightweight lol
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I just spent 30 minutes trying to breastfeed this child, all over the house, in all different positions and light levels. I even closed us in the pitch black bathroom, the darkest room we have, even though I was waiting for Candyman to come shank me, and nothing. I know that she is hungry. I know for a fucking fact that she is hungry and I couldn't get a single fucking latch. I fucking hate hand expressing, my boobs hurt again. This is bullshit. I thought when yesterday was good it was over. I cry every stupid day over this and I wish I'd never even started. Why won't you just fucking eat?!?!?!?
Boobie lover When all you want is the boob. No amount of bottle trying will get me to change my mind. I'm all about the boob and the boob only. It's mine all mine I tell you haha haha haha haha.
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So I thought I had managed to miss getting mastitis this time with my newest arrival. Multiple clogged ducts which we've ma aged to self care. However to be sure I've had to send a milk sample to the doctors to check. Had this 3x with my 1st in 10 weeks hence why I cut our journey short and seems if this carries on o may sadly have to cut short once again. Fingers crossed though. I know my bubba has caused this as she is full of phlegm herself so isn't feeding as effectively the poor soul. Hopefully the endless pumping and hot baths will ease some of the symptoms.
π I am cuddling this useless and infuriating piece of fluff and trying to bolster all my kind loving mothering feelings. This nursing strike, or whatever it is, is sapping my already meager will to live. Also my fondness for this baby. Who in addition to being an evil boob refusing gremlin, has become a yelling writhing tornado of living room destruction. So done. I stg I wake up and start the day as this loving mother goddess bestowing endless kisses and attention, and then it just goes slowly down hill all day from there until I feel run into the ground, out of patience, love, caring, and totally touched out. Thank god for excersaucers. And partners coming home. I literally do not know what I'd do if I was on my own 24/7. I made him come home early today and then I ran away and sat in the building stairwell. I would have gone further but it was raining and I forgot my sweater. I just snuck in a 5 minute feed on one side in her sleep. By prying her lips apart and shoving my boob in and then stroking her face like a newborn. Miraculous. πStandards so low they don't even exist. I baked a cake today too, that I've been wanting for a week, and it turned out awful. I'll probably throw it out tomorrow. Wish I could throw everything else out too. I turned some of my nursing strike rage into deep cleaning today. Maybe tomorrow I should turn it into just throwing everything out.
I feel like I'm slamming my head against a wall. The baby has been refusing to nurse, and being super crummy about it on and off for like a month, but I've been managing, sneaking in half asleep feeds, trying weird positions, up until the last 3 days. She's done like 20 minutes a day for the last 3 days. 1 good feed and a couple 2-5 minute ones. My boobs constantly feel like they're going to burst. I hand express a couple times a day, but I only get about a spoonful that way and I can't even catch it to give to her, which is infuriating. I have watched all the videos, I have tried a million hand positions and movements. And I have ordered every size flange for my pump and all it does is hurt and I get basically nothing out. I have super tiny nipples and very soft boobs and the pump just feels too rough. I have a silicone hand pump thing, that doesn't work for me either. I doubt I'm producing much, but none of this is making me more comfortable so I'm producing enough for that, and to make it obvious this is not working. I'm tearing my hair out. I don't want to just be done. I thought if I could get the world's smallest flanges I could switch to pumping but they don't work either. My husband will not help me out, I asked, he is horrified by the idea. He thinks cow milk and every other kind of milk is gross too so I'm not taking it personally. I really don't want to go buying more things that don't work especially if this is ending. I don't even know. I wish I knew somebody w a breastfed baby that would share. Maybe they could give Eve tips.
