#breakups101

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The Best Revenge Is A Happy Life, And I’m Committing Myself To Mine

Derrick Freske

Starting today, my simple intention is to live in such a way that one day I will be your biggest mistake. How I choose to do that, rather than boasting or bragging, rather than ranting and tantrums, attacking and nagging the bad things that happen, is to ooze awesomeness into existence.

Starting today, I’ll deliver goodness and glory to every second of time I find and however slight the ray of light that dances on my path, I vow to shine, stop, pause and reflect that appreciation and joy is just cause and effect, and I vow to feel blessed for the moments and memories I have lived and all the days that I have left.

Starting today, I’ll get fitter, laugh longer, try harder, and be a bolder better me than you’ve ever fucking seen and I’ve ever thought possible.

Starting today, I take my power back.

Starting today, growth is my favorite sport.

Starting today, I am enough.

Starting today, you will feel my footsteps when I enter a room and you will know my truth when I look at you. I will smile huge, like I used to do before my hurt glued a frown on my face and stuck a worry in the way I walk, talk, and behave.

Starting today, I fiercely face what’s coming with open arms and open palms with an open heart that holds no qualms because starting today, I will be brave, content and committed, with daily endeavours divine and delicious.

Starting today, I got this, and starting today, I take no shit (especially from myself) because starting today I appreciate that I am my own best friend, hidden gem, biggest fan, and support system, and starting today, I will spread my scarred wings and soar with wild splendor.

Starting today, I will fly, because I am so tired of feeling tired, of questioning my worth and wondering why it didn’t work, replaying truths I should have said instead of disguised lies I tucked away in the bed in my brain, so warm and so big, but I know that comfort hinders growth just as silence burns the bridge between who we are and what we did, the truth inside and fibs we live.

Starting today, may the mysteries of life sprinkle glorious glimmers of light where my feet meet the earth, and starting today, I plant a seed full of hurt that will bloom into hope and if it grows I can, too.

Starting today, it will be okay and I know I will be soon.

From now on, this is my mantra and this is my time: My life is my own and I’m making it mine.

Going through a breakup, separation or divorce causes a wellspring of emotions. There are contrasting swings too; one moment anger, then sadness. Bouts of hopelessness are followed by renewed confidence while regret can suddenly turn into regeneration. It’s confusing and exhausting.

Here are 7 things capable, when those raw emotions strike, of taking our shouts and tears.

Steering Wheel (Scream At) Something liberating about venting frustration, hurt and pain into a device we actually move to guide our direction. A break up will trigger anger but ultimately, we are in control as we “steer” the wheel of our lives accordingly. 

We would move our car away from harm with the steering wheel and our future is no different. We cannot control such feelings following a separation but we can choose what we do with them. How we express them will either point us towards or away from harm; let the anger come but it, under no circumstances, shall touch the wheel of your life.

My Recommendation: Do this in park, not while driving … 

Dogs (Cry With) Dogs show true unconditional love. They sit there with their tongues out and a paw on your arm. They know. They may not be able to speak but that doesn’t mean they can’t communicate.

My Recommendation: Don’t try this with a cat …

Walls (Scream At) The saying goes: “if these walls could talk.” And I think that phrase comes from walls being such good listeners. They don’t fall when we stumble nor crack when we break.

My Recommendation: Don’t hit them. You will put a hole in the wall and break your hand and thus have two bills to pay.

Your Best Friend (Cry With) There is another old saying: “a best friend will help you move a body” … but sometimes that body in need of movement is ours. Allow a best friend to console but let them to encourage your future. Believe the good things they see in you are really there, regardless of the break up.

Get out and do something fun with them or serve your community, neighborhood or church. Chances are there is something you and your best friend have always wanted to do. Now is the time. My Recommendation: Be open to their dating advice, even if it might be terrible. Hug them and thank them.

Sappy Movies and Ice Cream (Cry With) When watching The Notebook for the first time after a breakup and it gets to the incredible love making scene … the one that begins on the dock in the rain and ends with them in the house?

Yeah … 

It’s all perfect and here you are, disastrously single, in bed, licking mint chip off the spoon and feeling immensely unattractive …

While we often criticize Hollywood for over hyping, I don’t think it’s always the case. Action films and post-apocalyptic thrillers may border on the impossible but romance movies not so. The things we learn from the ending of our past relationships will help us create our next one - so to be as vivid as the silver screen passions we’re watching play out, saying “I wish that we me,” while rustling our hands through a bag of Hot Fries. It will happen again, junk food binge aside.

My Recommendation: Watch P.S. I Love You next.

Old Photos (Both) They reflect and quite strikingly, a time when you both thought you would be happy forever. Looking at them may take us right back but try to stay in the present. With each photo, say goodbye to your ex but speak the same thing to your former self. 

We don’t have to be the person in those photographs anymore. This is prime time, as we discard the pictures, to acknowledge we were as responsible as our partner for the demise of the relationship. Own it. Rip them up. And start becoming the new person you wish future cameras to capture. My Recommendation: Some pictures will make you angry and others sad. Be prepared for the ebb and flow.

God (Both)  Through the fallout of a broken relationship, if crying out to God seems compelling, natural, reassuring and appropriate, follow that feeling. 

It’s not an accident or a coincidence.