#brain mold

im going to w.dc tomorrow and its probably gonna be so fun but my stupid ANXIETY wont let me even EAT MAC N CHEESE so HOW THE FUCK am i supposed to survive 4 days!??!??!?!?!

I'm giving away free ebook downloads of my horror novel Brain Mold over at Smashwords.

Here's what you do: find Brain Mold at Smashwords -- look, a HELPFUL LINK -- add the book to your cart and apply the coupon code TQ32S before you checkout. From there, the book will be added to your Smashwords library and you can choose to download it as a PDF, epub, or mobi (for Kindle apps). Easy! This coupon code is only active until August 1st, so don't delay.

Now I shall ramble on about how I came to hit the button on Amazon, my first self-publishing experience, writer identity, and why I think I did the right thing for me (at least for now). . .

My personal experience hitting the button and what came after. . .

I’m not ashamed of admitting that I’m a self-published novelist, but I gotta say that pride doesn’t figure into it much either.

I self-published my horror story Brain Mold back in August. Before that, I had planned to submit it to agents/publishers. Problem was, I had been planning to do this for years, but I just never did. For whatever reason, hitting the submit button on Amazon was a lot easier than submitting to a publishing professional.

I have anxiety issues and I’m a shy guy. I don’t necessarily think it was fear that prevented me from submitting to publishing professionals, but then what else could it have been?

So yeah, there was a book fair thing with local authors and publishers last summer. I went. It was a rather awkward affair, as authors stood behind books nobody had ever heard of, staring like sad puppies as people walked on by. I wanted to talk to them (because, OMG, writers!), but that’s not me. I don’t strike up meaningful conversations with strangers. And nobody else in the space was talking loud enough for me to join in on any conversations. But! Off in the corner, there were these two publishing ladies. They publish cozies. I don’t write cozies, but I walked on up, buried my fears down deep, and introduced myself.

I started with a rambling question that encompassed all my concerns about publishing, to which they answered, “Yes, no, yes, yes, no, no, no, I think so, yes, no.” Heh. Anyway. Their advice to me was that I look into self-publishing, considering the genres I was interested in (the first book Brain Mold is horror, the next is an urban fantasy series). They said that that sort of stuff sells better online, especially a good series. They recommended that I read J.A. Konrath’s blog, which I did, and there’s lots of good stuff there.

I left the book fair with a sense of direction, I suppose. I felt good about self-publishing, because of what the publishing ladies said, and because I found Konrath’s blog to be an empowering influence. I then spent the next couple months learning what I needed to learn in order to self-publish my first book.

So, Brain Mold’s published. It was a Kindle exclusive at first, but now it’s going to start showing up elsewhere, and I’m considering a paperback release.

Sales have been far below what I would have hoped for. Really, the book’s not doing well. It’s unfortunate, but I’m not too bothered by it. Here’s why:

Hitting the button on Amazon was huge for me. I mean, it gave me a surge of confidence that I haven’t felt in a long time. I think I needed that.

Since Brain Mold went online, I’ve been writing with more speed and passion than perhaps ever before. I feel good about my writing—even while recognizing that Brain Mold, the only book people can judge me on so far, is considerably weaker than the stuff I’m working on now.

I originally meant to have some more books available before the end of the year, but editing and NaNoWriMo messed up my plans a bit. Hopefully, by the end of 2014, I will have published an additional five stories. Most of those books are mostly finished, but editing takes me a long time.

So yeah, despite the fact that Brain Mold hasn’t sold well, I do plan to go with self-publishing for the next few books. Again, here’s why:

My next book is part of a series I’ve been working on for the last few years. It’s a dark, action-packed urban fantasy, dealing with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a young woman who sees demons, and the sinister plans of a secret alliance to take the powers of Heaven and Hell and give them to mankind. I love the characters of this series. I really enjoy the dark world I’ve created for them. I have two full-length novels already written, plus two prequel novellas, and plans for at least three more novels to finish out the series. It’s my intention to see this thing through to the end and to do it my way. Self-publishing the series allows me that privilege.

That’s not to say that I won’t one day look into traditional publishing again. Indeed, I think I may do that when I find the right book for it. But for now, I’m comfortable doing things the way I am right now.

Self-publishing my first book gave me the confidence to write and publish the next one. It’s not for everyone, but it’s been worth it to me.

*shrugs*

That’s that.

  Writer identity crisis. . .

I must admit to something of a writer identity crisis, though. I mean, I’m a self-published author, but one is usually instructed not to admit that to others. Calling oneself an indie author seems wrong to me. I don’t quite like the term. Something about it seems misleading. Nor do I feel like I can simply call myself an AUTHOR like all the traditionally published writers. I’m not sure if I have that right.

Online, talking with other writers, I sometimes feel like I’m inviting myself to a party of ‘real writers,’ just hoping the others don’t lift my mask and realize that I don’t belong.

I know believe in the e-book publishing revolution. I might be a part of it, but I don’t consider it my fight, really. I think of myself as a writer. I don’t think of myself as a self-published author. I mean, it honestly just doesn’t figure into my mindset on a day-to-day.

I think that if you write, you’re a writer. If you got a deal with one of the big publishers, you’re a writer. If you self-publish, you’re a writer. I mean, other people might look down on your work if you can’t get published, of if you’re forced to self-publish, but you shouldn’t look at yourself that way.

Hitting the submit button on Amazon might’ve been easier for me than going to the big publishing houses, but it’s not in itself an easy task.

Any decision to put forth your writing to the public, whether that means Amazon readers, tumblr followers, or publishing professionals, is an act of bravery, I think. Some writers bleed their lives into lines of fiction, like the tales are part of them that just needed to get out. You think sharing that with the rest of the world is easy? It isn’t. I mean, in my case, Brain Mold’s not some deep, personal story, but it was something I created. Any creation, no matter how ugly or dated, still means something to its creator, I think.

There isn’t anything easy about being a writer. Not really. You gotta love it in order to keep going—and you only get better if you keep going—and you’ll only keep going if you love it. OMG I broke the code!

Anyway.

In my previous (and future) posts about writing, I try to give other writers a bit of courage, I guess, you know, in my own way. Or something. On the topic of self-publishing, you might be able to tell that I’m a little less courageous, and perhaps this post is more for me than it is for anybody else.

I love writing. I have so many stories to tell and I mean to share them in any way I can. For now, I’m thankful that self-publishing gives me that ability.

I mean, yes, it’s true that there is going to be a lot of crap published for Kindle. It’s inevitable. Some people don’t take their work or their readers seriously enough to properly construct a book for the public.

E-publishing is great. An e-book will never replace a hardcover, but it’s not about that, at least not for me. I like to think it’s not a format war, or something akin to the new technology killing off the old.