я проснусь с тобой

"is xyz rape, is abc rape" is just the wrong way to approach discussing rape as a feminist. what you're doing when you're concerned about absolute parameters is centering what we should consider allowable by men. why center that. it's not that "everything" is rape, it's that you need to completely shift your paradigm. you need to consider what it means for women to move in a world where their sexual violation is essentially a given and up for negotiation. what does discussing rape actually look like when completely, one hundred percent centering the experiencing and feelings of violated women and completely disregarding what would be helpful for men to think is "only so bad."

additionally, it might be fair that some of you are young enough to not yet have a grown woman unfold her story to you regarding all her sexual violations. when you hear the living story of rape in her life, you realize quickly it isn't individual encased moments that are easy to determine as "yes, rape" and "no, not rape." her life is not static short movies, ending cleanly and restarting fresh. what happens when a woman is violated is she carries trauma inside of her. it walks with her, it becomes a part of her mind and body. and ultimately, the pattern most women experience, despite the pain and fear and anger, is to deny anything wrong ever happened. and to come to that conversation, ready to be pedantic enough to agree with her, what do you think you achieve? you are not a court of law, these conversations are not theoretical. a woman may trust you one day to hear how a man, many men, shaped her life. are you ready for it not to be some fun hypothetical for debate class?

Men will lecture you about enjoying Harry Potter then go home and watch porn

ur actually a bad person and a terrible human being for shaving ur legs, is that what u wanna hear