idk how much of the english subs were accurate and how much of them were lost in translation, but when namjoon talked about how the kpop and idol system don't really provide much room to mature, the wording and the thought itself (and the fact that the camera panned to jungkook - the maknae who started this rollercoaster when he was just in his early teens - at this part) really hit me hard.

whenever i watch their behind episodes, i always had this lingering concern that their schedules are way too packed. but seeing as i'm a baby army and i'm still new to the world of kpop, i just brushed it off as normal in their line of work. but hearing them talk about not being able to do some of the things they really wanted to do, about how they sometimes have to sacrifice their me for the sake of we, about how they literally don't have the opportunity to just sit down and be — it all makes me realize that though they're global superstars, though they're seemingly larger than life itself, at the end of the day, they're all just twenty-somethings who want to enjoy the experiences they're missing out on while still at the prime of their ages.

and that's not a bad thing.

hearing the news first on twitter, and then seeing just shortened clips of minimoni crying and captioned screenshots of yoongi saying, "we're on a hiatus," really had my heart hammering in my chest. i was so scared and i felt cold all over. but once i psyched myself up to watch the whole dinner, i eventually calmed down because i told myself hey, this all makes sense. all 7 of them took the time to sit down and carefully explain why they're doing things the way they are, and despite the bittersweet undertones, the hour-long video had a happy and content vibe to it. honestly, i couldn't ask for more.

ngl, i've only just been in this bangtan shit for a short while (not even a whole year has passed yet, i think), and it makes me curse my timing at how i've only just experienced my first real comeback, and that cb is gonna be the last one for a while now. but this isn't about me. it's about them. and i'm so so so happy that they're thinking about themselves.

but then, what about us? what's gonna happen to us now? someone pointed out that this will be the time for us fans to grow as well. in as much as bangtan has been working nonstop for the past 9 years, armys (whether you've been here since pre-debut or have only just joined the fandom) have been pouring their hearts out nonstop as well. and in as much as bangtan needs a well-deserved break, armys need some much needed "me" time too. ofc, we'll still continue supporting bts in their respective individual projects, but this will be an opportunity for us to plant, sow, and reap the seeds of our individual growths as well.

i know it's not the same for all of us but for me, i'm at the point in my life where i really need to focus on myself and my family for real. i'm not saying that i can't do that without a hiatus, but it's more of me wanting to focus on that because of the hiatus. bangtan focusing on their individual goals, passions, and priorities inspires me to do the same for myself too. and just with the way my life is panned out right now, this couldn't have come at a more coincidental timing.