Tonight was wonderful. you spent time with me and we talked for hours. this happened several nights recently and it means so much to me. you laughed about my jokes and we told us stories from our past. you told me about your dreams, and listened when I told you about mine. you smiled at me, with that cute dorky smile, when I felt like an idiot, and with that wonderful sparkle in your eyes, you told me that you care, that you care about me, that you like me. We even flirted. It was playful, it was sexy, it was everything I could have wished for. The butterflies in my stomach made me feel incredibly sick and yet I've never been happier.
I know I am just a friend to you. I know I never will be yours. And you will never be mine. I will never be enough. You are too good for me.
And however I am lying in bed, imaging how you hold my hand while we walk through the park and how you kiss my forehead before you leave to work. I imagine us lying in bed on a lazy Sunday, cuddling, kissing, making out instead of paying any attention to Netflix. I imagine how we go to Ikea, buying furniture for our way too small flat. But with you it's the perfect home. I imagine how we adopt a puppy, or three, and tell our friends about it like we just gave birth to our first child. I imagine our wedding. Everyone expects us to be nervous but we could not be happier... I imagine how I'll bring you tea and your favourite meal when you're ill, and you rub my back when I had a rough day at work. I imagine how I sleep in your sweaters when you are gone and how safe I feel when I fall asleep in your arms.
We would be so happy. If only I were enough... If only you could love me as much as I love you. If only I were good enough.
