#bpd helper

I’m going to post a little about disordered thinking today and hopefully provide some methods for you to recognise the different types of anxious thinking you may have, and also a little exercise at the end which can hopefully help you combat the anxious thoughts and change them! 

Remember, it may not happen straight away but I fully believe that by knowing the thought patterns you can gradually learn to change them if you wish too :) I realise it’s will be hard; being stuck in a negative thought cycle can sometimes become a crutch that for some, changing them represents a change in their whole sense of self. This can be hard to overcome. Go at your own pace friends, and if it feels uncomfortable - stop. Get yourself something nice and try and again another time. Always remember to reward yourself for any positive changes!! 

Here goes!

Some of the most common examples of distorted, biased or unhelpful thinking are as follows: 

“All or nothing” type of thinking

When we see things as either black or white. If something is not perfect then it must be disastrous. One mistake means complete failure. 

This is completely unrealistic. Life is not that clear cut. There are many shades of grey.

Over Generalisation

Where after one unfortunate event we assume it will happen again, every time. For example, once turned down at an interview we may feel convinced that we have no chance of ever finding a job. 

This will certainly make us feel bad, but there is no justification for seeing one instance as proving a rule.

Mental Filter

This is where people tend to pick out a negative or worrying detail and dwell on it exclusively, thus seeing the whole situation as bad. 

This will certainly make us feel upset, but we will without a doubt be missing out on some positive aspects. 

Discounting The Positive

Anxious people have a strong tendency to say that positive experiences don’t count for some reason. We may say a successful event was a “fluke”!

This makes things seem worse than they are and means that we don’t let ourselves take pleasure from positive events or our successes. 

Jumping to Conclusions

This involves assuming the worst when there is really no real reason to: For instance, expecting failure before having tried. 

Clearly this kind of anxious thinking will only increase anxious feelings. 

Catastrophising

When we exaggerate the importance of our own imperfections or errors or fears e.g. “I made a mistake - that's terrible - I can never show my face here again.” When we turn commonplace misfortunes into disasters, in our minds. 

Remember, we do not think about other people’s mistakes in the same way. 

Emotional Reasoning

Where we believe that, because we feel so afraid, there really must be some danger, or because things feel so dreadful, we believe they really are in a mess. 

It is most often the case that anxious feelings are not realistic.

“Should” Statements 

For instance, thinking we “should” be able to stay calm all of the time or we “must” never get angry. 

Such rigid statements are over-demanding and unreasonable. They cause unnecessary pressure and, very often, guilt. 

Labelling and Mislabelling

This happens when we label ourselves as a “useless person” on the basis of a mistake we have made. When our total idea of ourselves is determined by something we have done or a mistake we have made. 

That makes about as much sense as defining ourselves as “joiners” because we have put a shelf up!! 

Personalisation

Where we tend to assume that where something goes badly, it is entirely our fault. For instance, if our child has a poor report card then we blame ourselves. 

Personalisation usually causes guilt. It leads people to assume complete responsibility for happenings that are almost certainly due to many factors. 

EXERCISE

Make a column with three rows. Name these 3 rows as follows:

Anxious thoughts          Thinking Errors           Reasonable thoughts

The next time you feel unmistakably anxious or upset, note what you are thinking. alternatively, imagine you are in a difficult situation or about to do something you dread, bring to mind those thoughts you usually have at these times, i.e the first thoughts you would have. Write your thoughts in the first column under the heading “Automatic Anxious Thoughts”. These are the thoughts or ideas which cause your emotional upset. 

Next, look at these “automatic thoughts” you have writen down and decide what kind of errors you have made. Refer to the previous list of thinking errors. Write in the type of errors in the second column. 

Now, for the third column. The task is to substitute more reasonable, objective thoughts. It may help to imagine what someone else might say or think, reassuring and sensible. Imagine if you were giving this advice to a friend or somebody else you are close too. The point of the exercise is to train yourself to be objective and reasonable. So you need to believe what you put in column three is accurate. If you are unsure of this, then maybe you could ask a close friend or family their opinion.