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this boy...... im so overwhelmed its 11pm and hes suddenly like ‘i really like you i need to talk to you can i come over i wanna hug you’ and im like broo chill whats happening here where is this coming from im just sitting here like
:| s t o p
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cute boy with freckles.
cute boy with freckles who has my number.
cute boy with freckles that hasn't texted me.Â
i am trash.
Jan. 6, 2014 (ignore)
(skip this 1st paragraph tbh) Okay, I'm officially done with the whole guy problem. He finally got that we aren't going to be together in the near future at all. And he just asked that I don't talk to him for a while, which I don't mind because I'm going to hearing what he says from my cousin later. She's going to tell me "Why don't you just go out with him?" "Why are you such a bitch?" "He's going to be in the army though?" "But he's white and has a beard!!" or some other shit. I honestly don't care anymore, I love my cousin, I just don't love the fact she's trying to force me into him.
I just want to fall in love. I want to look at someone and know that this person is the person I'm going to be with for the rest of my life. I want to know what love feels like, what it is, what magnificent effect it has on both of us and not just one of us. I want to know if he likes the idea of kids, and is not frighten by the thought that I have the possibility of having twins. Someone who will be a good parent and will always be there. Someone who knows what they're making out of their life. I want this guy to just be okay with me doing my thing with my friends, and I will also be okay with whatever he does with his. I want us to have an understanding about stuff and be okay with it. Not have any trust issues, and if he doesn't a certain person to be alone with me, he will tell me and I will just have someone else or him with me with that other person. I want him to be okay if one of our kids turns out to be gay. I want his support and he has 100% my support as well. I know I'm not even 20 year old yet and I'm "too young" or whatever, but I want to get my life started. I know what I want, I mean I know it won't happen now, but I can't wait. I just wish that when I meet my husband, I will know I was at the right place, at the right time, for the first time ever.
Trust me, I am not going to find him anywhere in Southern California, so I'm ready for whatever college I pick up in North California. I miss my hometown and always being in San Fran when I was young, I'm thinking of going to a school by the bay and hopefully be accepted. I will probably stay with a family member while I'm out there, but it will manage (I hope).
he's so perfect and his hair and his eyes and the way he quietly sings to himself when nobody is around and the way he runs his hands through his hair and the way he turns around and talks to you for no reason and his sarcasm and the fact that he is smarter than you think and the way he acts when he is not around his friends that makes you want to melt and his teeth and the way he smells and how he is your cliché science partner crush and the fact that he likes to watch hockey too and how he watches scary movies and how he is so nice and the fact that it brightens your day knowing you will see him and he just might talk to you for just a couple minutes but you don't care because those 5 seconds of eye contact that you have before you look away and smile at the ground but the best part is that even though you know he doesn't like you but there's always that slim chance that he does and that's what makes you happiest because anything is possible with that boy.
