gonna post updates on my uesrpg bullshit here, because fuck it.Â
the party consists of three mercenaries who met in Sentinel for their first job. This led to them becoming “friends” after they stumbled upon a thalmor plot and got ordered by King Lhotun to see whats up with that. The characters are
Varric, a breton priest of arkay. preached in a temple before the oblivion crisis. during the oc, he realized what he really wanted to do was be a knight of the circle and left to train his combat skills in a mercenary company
Aysel Elmlock, a bosmer thief. she mostly just got bored of valenwood and the green pact, and wanted to see the rest of the world. she has a pet chicken named Breyleis. also worth noting that she’s cursed by sheogorath; she must undertake a quest from him. naturally, she doesn’t know what it is yet. mad gods are weird like that.
Yenammu, an exiled ashlander who made a fortune fighting for morrowind in the arnesian war. he sold off his land after the death of his wife, and traveled to the opposite end of tamriel in order to not wallow in sadness.
the party spent 30 minutes arguing about the best way to go down a hallway because it had water in it going up to there knees
every single check they made for traps and the like succeeded, except for the one that was actually trapped. varric was then knocked prone by a torrent of water, and complained for the rest of the dungeon about his wet clothes
they tripped the mudcrab trapped. i forced them to listen to the entire “NOW YOU FUCKED UP” thing from those videos of modded skyrim for the duration of the fight
they found a merchant trapped in the ruins, who then tried to weasel away with their loot.aysel pantsed him. it was super embarrassing because, you know, stuck in a hole with nowhere to use the bathroom.
2/3rds of the crew decided to engage in a bit of piracy and robbed a merchant ship on the way to stros m’kai. This was when Varric realized his crew were horrible people. he’s staying with them to try to turn them away from this lifestyle, but he had to hide and sob under the deck when the piracy was happening.
During the piracy, Aysel attempted to use Breyleis as a disguise in order to scare off the opposing guards. It failed horribly, and she ended up falling off the ship holding the chicken like a cucco from legend of zelda. Luckily Yenammu and Crab-Stopper, the argonian pirate npc and captain of the party’s ship, were able to pirate successfully without her.
Aysel seduced a khajiit merchant in order to save 200 septims on a skill book. jokes about hairballs ensued. on that note, there was also a very heated discussion on whether or not stds were a thing and whether khajiit women shave their junk. the dice ruled no and yes respectively for this encounter
varric preformed funeral rights for some people on stros m’kai dying from a strange disease. the party ignored this potential plot hook.
Yenammu tried to convince a group of pirates that he was one of them. they heard his accent and knew he was full of shit, which made the player a little salty because he’s covered in full bonemold. granted, pirates don’t really dress like that either, but you try explaining that to an annoyed ashlander.
Varric was able to name drop one of the dying men to those same pirates and they gladly parted with some gold to give to their captain’s family. the captain’s family did not receive the gold.
After a near death experience, aysel is using the book mentioned above to find a way to soul bind breyleis to her. its gonna be dumb.
