#bookofaion

How he views his past:

Over time, he’d have crawled along the path towards acceptance of the people he’s lost, though the sorrow is an undying presence (and would’ve, more so in the past, manifested as anger or irritation). Yet, on the path to acceptance, it’d still be difficult to fully let go of the guilt or self-blame, considering they spur him towards his goal, and his goal of fulfilling his legacy, taking down Joker, is everything that keeps him moving forwards.

I think, for the longest time, he viewed his past with regret; when he thought of the past, he thought only of everything he lost. But I’d like to think that later along his journey, although the past is still something he cannot talk openly about, without fear of it all spilling out in an overwhelming way, he’s able to reflect on the good times as well, with gratitude. He had a good, loving family; Corazon had given him hope, and his last dying breath. Yes, they were all taken from him too soon, but there were some fonder memories, bittersweet to relive.

Eventually, he wouldn’t think of his past as a burden or something that weighs him down, but more a series of events that has strengthened and taught him a number of things: courage to scrabble his way through and drag his leaden limbs back from the pitch darkness not once but time and time again, to embrace the suffering (albeit, possibly to an unhealthy extent; without suffering, how could he appreciate pleasures), the necessity of being prepared, that everyone dies (because life comes at a price) (but that death makes life meaningful; death gives us incentive to live), to appreciate the smaller things: his crew (they are his lifeboat), the sunrise, (every breath, every pain) – still, he was willing to give it all up for his goal.

Does he believe that everything happens for a reason?

I don’t think he’d ever be able to accept that his family’s and Corazon’s deaths happened for a reason, and he’d be of the opinion that reasons or meaning are just things humans attribute to circumstances out of their control in order to make sense of things. Nothing could explain or justify their deaths. Did they all really have to die so he would learn how to cope with grief and loss, and understand what suffering was like? In his teens, he would’ve brooded about the unfairness of life taking everything from him not once but twice, though eventually he’d have tried to use his past to empower himself instead, believing that he’d survived all that, he could survive anything – though this leads to him developing a belief in his invincibility (thus the necessity later on to remind himself of his mortality), by pushing himself always to the limits, braving harsh weather/conditions, disregarding colds or ailments.

Big regrets:

Aside from accidentally running to Vergo and disclosing Corazon’s undercover identity – I’d think he’d regret more of his states of being in the past: ignorant, inadequate, helpless, and he’s extra hard on himself in attempts to avoid stumbling into such scenarios again. On some level, he’d understand certain circumstances are out of his control – when he brought Vergo that document, he’d decided it was the best course of action to take – yet he’d strive to be as prepared as possible; can’t risk complacency or carelessness.

On the whole, in his adulthood, I don’t think he’d have big regrets. He’d be of the firm belief this is the path he’s meant to take. (And if he does have regrets about decisions made in battle or involving their voyage, those would be regrets he reflects on to learn from.)

As Viktor Frankl said: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” – albeit, for Law, the path he chose was one rooted in feelings of guilt and despair.

Still, even after that talk with Sengoku post-Dressrosa, even after hearing the words he’d subconsciously been desiring to hear someone say to him all the years, that he was under no obligations, that Corazon saved him not just because of the ‘D’ in his name (paraphrasing the exact words because I don’t remember), if Law were able to return to the past and choose a different path, 101 out of 101 times, he would not have chosen differently. Even if taking out Doffy did not alleviate the sense of emptiness, that goal carried him 13 years, longer than any other would’ve (he thinks).

“He gave me life; he gave me a reason to live. I made a choice of my own free-will. Who’s to say any other path or choice would’ve resulted in a ‘better’ outcome? Would I have been better off not dedicating my life to pursuing Joker? No, I’d have been worse off.”

Besides, I think he may not be able to picture himself leading an ordinary, civilian life. It would be a generally safer, more stable and secure way of living, but at the risk of succumbing to ennui? He’d crave the heart-pounding adrenaline from fights, the thrills of walking a fine line between life and death (mocking, challenging, taunting death). (Though he doesn’t take unnecessary risks, especially since assuming his responsibilities as a captain.)

Besides Corazon's death, what's something he would like to change?

In all honesty, while he would’ve, in the past, wished he could’ve gone back in time and acted differently to save Corazon’s life, in the present, at 26, I think he’d have accepted Corazon as dead for over a decade, that he wouldn’t feel strongly about changing that. Not that he doesn’t wish he could speak to or see Corazon one last time, but he’s, over time, come to accept that such wishful thinking is completely pointless. Furthermore, I think he’d have gotten used to…mourning/missing him. Having him back would be undeserving. If Corazon is back, what excuse would he have to explain his self-destructiveness – it would mean that he ought to be absolved from the guilt (but he’s not ready to let that go). It would mean that he could maybe even be happy, and that is a scary thought. ‘Happiness’: terrifying, quite so very something he’s unaccustomed to letting himself experience. Although he’s reflected on death, mortality, it would still be nagging him in the back of his mind that one day he’d have to mourn Corazon again.

As for something else he’d like to change, his hirsuteness, or lack thereof. (In all seriousness, I haven’t thought of a good answer, sorry.) I think he may aim more for inner change first – forever wanting to a better self than who he was the day before. By better, I don’t necessarily mean doing ‘good’ but…more knowledgeable, tougher, experienced. To aim to stand ready and confident to take without flinching whatever life throws at him.

Because he will persevere. Granted, his resolve wavers from time to time, being that he is only human; there are weaker and lower moments and phases, but he persists because through and through, Law is a rebel. Guiltily, I would like to think he would rebel against the ocean of greyness that threatens to engulf.

He will never surrender. He’ll die fighting, like Corazon did.

And with a smile.