#boofts notes

And I cry like the wolf to his moon

But like the elephant,

I won't forget

Like the wasp I'll remember your face,

nobody read this please.

just need to say it.

she broke up with me because she lost feelings, and she lost feelings because she didn’t feel like we were being romantic and acting like couples do, right?

but i tried so fucking hard to do what couples do.

i hugged her goodbyes,

i texted her good mornings,

i asked her on dates,

i said i love you,

i sent so many messages asking her to call and hang out that i felt like i was being annoying,

i got as close to her as i could without making it awkward or uncomfortable for her.

none of it was returned.

sure she hugged me back,

sure she replied to my good mornings,

sure she agreed to dates,

sure she sometimes said she loved me back,

but she would never answer her phone, i would check and see she was online playing valorant with one of our friends,

she never got close to me.

i am already a very insecure person, and an over thinker. but when i would say “okay bye, i love you” and was only met by a “uhm, okay bye” and the phone hanging up, it really made me wonder if she really did still love me.

so i would message more frequently, and then again we would call and this time she said it back “okay then, things are fine” i would think.

but then she breaks up with ME for not being romantic enough.

ME.

for crying every night because she wouldn’t text me back.

ME.

for being to scared to try and kiss her because i thought it would make it awkward and she would realize she really doesn’t love me.

and she doesn’t.

what did i fucking expect.

when i had to shoulder the weight of the entire relationship.

when i had to pretend i was fine being unloved and neglected by the person who unknowingly kept me from killing myself for the longest time.

and she says we weren’t being romantic enough?

she says she lost feelings but still loves me platonically?

who’s fault is that?

why would you do this to me?

you jerk.

and you told our friend who i confided in telling him how much i love you.

he who told his friends who knew how much i needed you.

and those friends who asked if i was okay just for me to ask how they knew.

why don’t you know how bad i’m hurting?

i wish i could make you understand the damage you’ve dealt.

and the damage you caused even when we were dating.

you jerk.

when i text you, even now, because we promised we would stay friends “no matter what”

a promise i proposed.

one you’re making me keep.

you jerk.

because when i text you it hurts.

you know i changed your name back to what it was in my contacts?

because the unreturned nickname makes me cry.

i’m trying to stop loving you.

but it’s not working.

i think we will have to start back up from zero.

when i didn’t know you.

and you didn’t have the power to hurt me like you did, even though you didn’t mean to. even though you don’t know you did.

you jerk.

i'm going to start appreciating things more.