#bonesfunny

"I can't sleep." You spat out quickly before you could hiccup. 

"Alright then, let's check you out." Bones took you by your elbow into the medbay and sat you down on an exam table.  

He examined the inside of your throat, asked you a bunch of questions, and listened to your lungs. 

"Well I can't see anything immediately wrong but I can give you something to help you sleep and hopefully the hiccups will be gone tomorrow." Bones shrugged as he put his equipment away. 

You were disappointed with the outcome, but you agreed with him, maybe it was just the hiccups.  So you took the sleep-aid and slunked home.  

The sleep-aid knocked you out for a few hours, but you were awoken by a nasty bout of cough-hiccuping, your throat feeling sore and tingly when you could finally breathe again.  

You knew you should probably go back and see Bones, but you didn't want to bother him again after you had just visited him.  So you decided to stick it out and got ready for work.  

Throughout the day your throat kept feeling weirder and weirder, like every time you hiccuped your throat would rumble, as if in a hum.  You worked on the bridge as a navigation technician, and thankfully your job didn't involve too much talking.  Over time the hiccups began to fade, but it left your throat feeling swollen and sore, and your voice began to become raspy. 

Unfortunately your vow of silence didn't last long as you heard Captain Kirk talking to Scotty about sending Ensign Chekov down to the engineering room to help, and you knew you were his replacement. 

"Lieutenant Y/N, will you replace Mr. Chekov for a while so he can go help Scotty in the engineering room?" Kirk asked, and you pressed your eyes shut in frustration before getting up from your seat and taking Chekov's.  

Now suddenly every breath you took felt and sounded like a hum, and you were very self-conscious about other people hearing.  

"Lieutenant Y/N, what are our coordinates?" Kirk asked and you checked the screen in front of you. 

"500 mark 3, captain." You squeaked, your voice barely audible as you wheezed.  

You felt Pilot Sulu's eyes flick to you in confusion and you could tell Captain Kirk was staring at the back of your head. 

"Are you alright, Lieutenant?" Kirk asked. 

You cleared your throat, which sounded more like a trill, and responded, "Yes."

You immediately slapped your hands over your mouth.  The word had come out of your mouth as if you had sung it, one melodic tone of 'yes'. 

Sulu turned his head to look at you now, amusement sparkling in his eyes.  

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant, what was that?" Kirk asked again and your cheeks burned in embarrassment. 

You gulped, the action stinging your throat, and you removed your hands from your mouth tentatively.  

"I'm fine." The syllables flew out of your mouth in a high tune, and now the entire bridge swiveled their chairs to look at you.  

You heard Kirk get up from his captain's chair and walk over to you.  When he stopped in front of your console, resting his arms on top of it, he spoke, "Are you singing?"

You shook your head, "I'm not trying to, sir." You sung unintentionally, and you looked up at him desperately.  

Kirk regarded you with a straight face for a moment, before bursting into laughter.  Your eyes widened at his mocking, and slightly unprofessional, behaviour and your head fell into your hands.  

"No keep talking... I mean singing... hahaha!" Kirk sputtered. 

You shook your head furiously, pressing your fingers over your mouth lest words begin to escape.  

"OH come on, Y/N, sing it to me!!" Kirk encouraged and you couldn't help but roll your eyes at his beaming face and toothy grin. 

"Fine!" You sang, and cleared your throat painfully before continuing, "I don't know why you find this so funny, Captain, there is something wrong with my voice."

The words came out as if you were singing along to inaudible music, the syllables flowing from your mouth at different speeds and different pitches to match the tune.  

Kirk began to roar in laughter again, and you heard scattered chuckles around the bridge.  Now you began to laugh as well, your laughter high and tinkling due to whatever was wrong with your throat, which made you and the crew laugh even harder.  

You didn't even see Kirk on his com until you heard the words, "Bones, you have to come down and see this."

"NO, Captain Kirk, I can go down to the medbay." You trilled and rose from your chair. 

"No way, Lieutenant, you are staying here, this is too damn funny."

You crossed your arms and sat back down in your chair, hard, sulking and pouting at the Captain.  

Sooner than you would have liked Bones came through the lift doors, a black med-kit in his hand.  Kirk greeted him by patting him on the shoulder and saying a few words to him, both their eyes flicking to you.  Your cheeks flamed again and you sat low in your chair, wishing you could disappear.  Bones didn't smile, just looked at you curiously, and Kirk was jumping around like a kid who had too much sugar and he came over and smacked the console in front of you with two hands.

"Sing, Lieutenant, SING!" He demanded cheerfully and you wanted to punch him.

You turned your attention to Bones who looked confused and annoyed as he set his med-kit down by Kirk's chair and stood to your right, his arms crossed, looking impatient.

You took a deep breath in and opened your mouth, silently praying that your voice had returned to normal.  It hadn't.

"Hello there, Bones." You sung, and almost laughed when he raised his eyebrows in bewilderment. 

"What in the..." Bones began but you interrupted, getting out of your chair. 

"I think it has something to do with the hiccups." Your voice was high and soft as you tried to explain.  It pissed you off. 

"Is this some sort of joke?" Bones' brows furrowed and he looked at you and Jim suspiciously. 

"I wish it was." You sang and crossed your arms over your chest. 

Bones turned to Jim, giving him a glare, “Why didn't call me earlier?"

"Awww, come on, Bones, it's funny!" Kirk slapped Bones on the shoulder with a grin.  Bones didn't return the smile. 

"This could be a medical emergency, she could be infected with something..." Bones began, his mind quickly turning to doctor mode as he stalked to his med-kit and pulled out his tricorder. 

"I feel okay..." You tried to reassure the doctor, but when you said "okay" your voice decided to hit a high note and you had to clasp your hand over your mouth to cut it off. 

Bones glared at Kirk who had begun to laugh harder, now doubled over.  

Bones stalked over to you and grabbed you by your elbow, not too gently either, and tugged you in the direction of the turbo-lift.  He mumbled something about getting you to the medbay and "damn it Jim" and the last thing you heard before the lift doors closed behind you was Kirk whining at Bones for taking you away. 

He scanned his tricorder over you in the lift and you just stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say, or, you guess, sing.  Thankfully he didn't ask you any questions until you got back to the medbay and he sat you down on an exam bed.

"Tell me, Y/N, what are your symptoms." He questioned gruffly, looking down at his PADD rather than at you. 

"Umm... well let's see, I had terrible hiccups, my throat started to really hurt, and, I don't know, now I SING EVERYTHING I SAY!" You responded, your voice never hitting a wrong note, and though you meant to sound angry, it came out as more of a loud melody.  

Bones' lips wavered as if he was suppressing a smile, before frowning deeply, his eyes still on the PADD. 

"Did you eat anything funny, or go anywhere unusual?" 

"Well I just got back from that away mission lead by Spock, maybe I picked something up there?" You serenaded, and his eyes finally met yours, sparkling with amusement. 

"You do have a nice voice." He noted and couldn't hide a cute grin. 

"Shut up. Just fix me." You scolded with two high notes.  

"Now don't go getting all your ballads in a bunch." He was smiling now, pretty much beaming at you, and you couldn't help but smile back.  

"I'm going to killll you!" You threatened.

 "If you do, darlin', there will be no one left to cure you, you will be stuck singing everything.  Forever." Bones teased and tapped the end of the hypo he had just prepared off your chin.  

"That might not be so bad..." You imagined as you sang, Bones applying the hypo to your neck. 

"That feel any better?" He asked, stepping back, but his hand was still rested on your shoulder. 

You cleared your throat, "Testing 1...2... damn!"  You swore as your voice continued to rise and fall to a silent song. 

Bones laughed now, and you couldn't help but smile up at him. 

"Don't worry, darlin', we'll get to the bottom of this, even if it tuns out you need an 'opera'-ation." 

This was going to be a long night.