#bobolamnham

Huế, 2026

I couldn’t believe I’d been to Huế twice this year. It was once a place so dear to me, but now it feels no different from anywhere else. Perhaps it’s because Huế holds too many memories I’d rather not revisit.

The food I used to love, the paths I once wandered, even the river that once felt so familiar, all of it now seems distant and strangely bland. Maybe it’s age. Maybe it’s awareness. Or maybe I’ve simply outgrown it.

Lately, I’ve found myself appreciating my hometown more than ever.

This trip to Huế ended with one of the worst cases of food poisoning I’ve ever had. Walking into the emergency department alone in the middle of the night made me realize how much I longed for familiarity, for the comfort of being close to home.

At this point, nothing can replace my hometown. Not Huế. Not Saigon. Not Melbourne. Not Guildford.

Maybe it’s finally time for me to let Huế go.

It wasn’t what I expected.

We talked for a bit. Cleared up a few things. Maybe they were true. Maybe they weren’t. I didn’t really feel the need to find out anymore.

Then we said goodbye.

The strange thing was, everything looked almost the same as before. Only the feeling wasn’t there.

On the way back, I put Dự báo thời tiết hôm nay mưa on again. It sounded exactly the same. I wondered if it always had. Maybe I was the one who kept hearing different things.

The song finished.

Another one started.

I let it play.

Four months later, I texted V again. Just told him I was in town and asked if he wanted to meet. He said yes. That was it.

A day later I said hi again. This time he replied, "Let's meet tonight."

I looked at the message for a while, then deleted the chat. It's 11:15 now. He's probably asleep already. Maybe he waited. Maybe he didn't.

The strange thing is, I was staying at the same hotel we met at the last time. Four months ago, I would've been out the door without a second thought. Tonight, I just... stayed.

I had Dự báo thời tiết hôm nay mưa playing again. It's funny how a song can stay exactly the same while you don't. It still sounds sad, but not in the same way anymore. Back then it was loneliness, awkwardness and desperation. Tonight it just reminds me of a version of myself I haven't thought about in a while.

I don't think I still have feelings for V. At least not in the way I used to. I remembered the good things about him. I also remembered the bad. For the first time, they felt about the same.

Maybe that's why I couldn't decide whether to go. Not because I was hoping for something. More because I wasn't sure I wanted to spend another night trying to figure out what this was supposed to be.

Four months ago, I wanted certainty so badly that I would've chased it anywhere. Tonight, I let the question stay unanswered.

Maybe that's what time does. It doesn't erase people. It just puts them back into proportion.

They’ve been lighting up my days lately.

Seeing them happy on stage again at the 10-year reunion makes me smile without realizing it.

I came back to Huế again. I think it’s been a year.

The last time was in 2025. It already felt a bit off back then, but I didn’t think too much about it.

Huế used to be that place for me. Whenever I felt broken or needed to reset, I would just go there. It always gave me something - a bit of light, a bit of hope. I loved the food, the scenery, the whole atmosphere. Even the long monsoon rain, I used to enjoy it.

I’ve loved Huế for almost 30 years. I don’t even remember how many times I’ve been there anymore, for all kinds of reasons.

But this time, it’s not the same.

I don’t really enjoy the food like before. The scenery feels normal. Nothing hits the same. I don’t feel calm there anymore.

It feels strange to even say that.

I don’t know what changed.

Maybe Huế just holds too many memories for me. Too many times I went there when I was heartbroken. It just kept piling up over the years, and maybe now it’s too much.

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m older now, and I see things differently.

I don’t know.

It feels a bit like losing a place that used to understand me. Like Huế was this quiet space that could hold all the fragile parts of me without asking anything back.

And now it doesn’t anymore.

Maybe it’s time to let it go.

Or at least stop going there for the same reasons.

I don’t know where the next place would be. Huế used to feel like my “safe place” for so long, it’s hard to imagine something else taking that role.

I hate how something can look completely normal and still feel off.

We were talking. It wasn’t cold. It wasn’t distant. Just… fine.

So I asked.

Nothing heavy. Just simple.

The message sat there for a bit. Then the conversation turned. Like the question didn’t quite fit the mood.

I asked again.

“Didn’t ignore.”

But it still felt like I was the only one waiting for that part.

And that’s the thing that makes my chest tight.

Not a no.

Not even a rejection.

Just me leaning a little more than I should.

I keep replaying it in my head like maybe I imagined it. Maybe I pushed. Maybe I read too much.

But deep down I know.

When someone wants to step forward, they do.

And when they don’t, the conversation just… glides away from it.

No drama. No explosion.

It’s mùng 9 already, but Tết still lingers like smoke that won’t clear. The smell of leftover bánh tét, the sound of distant fireworks, the green calendar on the table still showing February with its red marked days. Everything feels like it’s moving on, but I’m stuck somewhere in between.

I sent the box to V today. Not a big dramatic gift, just some small things: lipbalm, a little roll-on aromatherapy he loves, keychains and a firework postcard I wrote by hand “have a fab 2026, see you xoxo”. I sealed it, dropped it at the post office, and walked away feeling stupid. What was the point? To let him know I still remember? To make myself believe I’ve done everything I could? Or just because I couldn’t stand the silence anymore?

Now the box is gone, and so is the last bit of something I was holding onto. I keep thinking about the postcard. “See you xoxo”. Why did I write that? I know there won’t be a “see you”. He’s in relationship, he posted the fireworks story for the world to see, and I’m here staring at a green calendar that says Tết is almost over.

I bought gifts for everyone else too, friends, nieces and nephews, coworkers. Everyone said thank you, smiled, seemed happy. But I felt nothing. Just emptiness. Even when I tried to fill the quiet nights with someone, it didn’t feel good anymore. Just weird. Like my body knew it wasn’t real, and pushed back.

The old book on the table “Tử Vi Nghiệm Lý Toàn Thư” is still open at the introduction. It says fate isn’t fixed. It’s not punishment from a past life. It’s lessons. Challenges to grow. I read that line and almost laughed. Lessons? I’m lying awake every night, eyes burning, mind spinning, and all I learn is how empty everything feels.

Maybe this is the part where I’m supposed to “adjust” like the book says. Stop chasing illusions. Stop buying feelings. Stop hoping for replies that never come.

Tết is ending. The calendar will flip to March soon. I don’t know what 2026 will bring, but I know one thing: I don’t want to keep doing the same things and expecting different results.

So tonight I’ll try to sleep. Not force it, just let it come. If it doesn’t, I’ll sit with the emptiness instead of running from it.