#bobbipage

The Princess and the Cobbler is a testament to the power of the written word. That’s to say it’s so horribly written and so unfunny the breathtaking visuals no longer matter. Before you can understand why this film is such a tragedy, a bit of history. The project began in 1964 and continued until 1992. The reason for this record-setting timeline? Independent funding, complex animation, and unorthodox storytelling techniques. This pet project finally went into full production when Warner Bros. agreed to provide some finances. Unfortunately, writer/director Richard Williams and his team went over budget and fell behind schedule. The film was taken from him, hastily "completed" and released in theatres. This is the bastardized version audiences would've seen in 1993.

In the prosperous Golden City, sleepy King Nod (Clive Revill) rests comfortably on his throne while three magical golden balls protect his subjects from invaders. When an unnamed Thief (voiced by Ed E. Carroll) steals the treasures, Nod’s daughter Princess Yum Yum (Bobbi Page) and a simple cobbler named Tack (Steve Lively) must find them before the barbaric One-Eyes attack and destroy the city. Unfortunately for them, Nod’s Grand Vizier, Zigzag (voiced by Vincent Price) schemes against the Golden City.

Any way you look at it, this movie sucks. Either you know how good it could've been and you complain about the studio interference, or you come at it fresh and wonder what madness you’ve stepped into. Either way, prepare yourself for a picture that never shuts up. There isn't a single moment of quiet contemplation or any pauses in the dialogue. The thief provides endless bad pop culture references inside a world that is set hundreds of years ago, constant attempts to make you laugh despite a complete lack of comedic timing, and each gag is more tired than the next. Similarly, Tack and Princess Yum Yum never cease vomiting corny dialogue about love, longing, and destiny.

Then, they start singing. This picture wants to be Disney. It wants to be Disney so bad it rips it off incessantly. Why does this film contain pop culture-spewing funny sidekicks and talking animals? Because Aladdin was released a year earlier. Sitting down with The Princess and the Cobbler means enduring a series of songs so bland, so unimaginative they’d put you to sleep if they weren’t forcing geysers of blood to flow from your ears.

The worst thing about The Princess and the Cobbler is that it might've been good. The animation is fantastic. There’s plenty of humor found in slapstick confrontations, playful optical illusions, and outrageous character designs. Unfortunately, this version of the film is tainted beyond salvation. It’s the equivalent of finding a cockroach in your salad. The insect didn’t touch every single leaf but the meal is ruined. It’s a bold feat to fill an artful tale with so many distractions you can hardly recognize the beauty of the colors or the stylish visuals.

Before seeing this picture, I saw the fan-produced “Recobbled Cut” of the originally-titled The Thief and the Cobbler, which attempts to bring the film back to what it would've been like if Richard Williams, had completed his vision. It’s night and day. The released version, courtesy of Allied Filmmakers, is the antithesis of what could’ve been a classic. It's painful to watch and heartbreaking. There is no reason to watch this film instead of the version made with genuine appreciation and love. While this requires digging and doing your homework, it's worth it. (On DVD, August 26, 2016)