In which Izuku is left quirkless, so they find a new reason
Katsuki stayed crouched above Izuku, pinning one arm with his foot and clasping the other, pressed to the floor of the training mat. Almost in an exact replica of their fight at ground beta all those months ago, minus one arm and a slight change in hand placement. They both stay like that, breathing heavily, staring into eachothers eyes with the mutual feeling of impending doom sat heavily between them.
Because Izuku was getting weaker.
Katsuki had noticed, though he tried his best to ignore it. They both did, afraid to speak it into reality. Afraid for their dynamic to change. But as Katsuki had an easier and easier time pinning Izuku, as the embers slowly died out, they both found it hard to ignore that thisâŚwhatever it was they had, was coming to an end. Katsuki felt frantic, empty. Watching as something dear died before him, completely out of his reach.
Izuku had resolved to accept his fate, his eventuality. He didnât mind being quirkless again. The loss held between them came from a different place, and they both knew it.
ââŚKacchan?â Sad. So sad.
Katsuki released his hold and stood up, before offering Izuku his hand to help the boy up, too. They stood in silence, Izuku still breathing heavily and looking embarrassed about it, unable to find the words to express what they both clearly wanted to say to eachother.
âIâll make katsudon tonight.â A common condolence when Izuku suffered yet another decline in power. It seemed now that one for all was gone for good, the embers inside izuku were dying at an increased rate than what All Might had gone through. The embers seemed to die at a steady rate regardless if Izuku used OFA or not. When theyâd realized, theyâd fought eachother deep into the night, openly crying at eachother and throwing punches. A silent agreement theyâd do this as often as they could, until they couldnât anymore.
This.. felt like a goodbye. Katsuki stared into Izukuâs eyes and felt like he was at a funeral.
ââŚokay. Thank you, Kacchan.â
With one last look into Izukuâs eyes, Katsuki turned and walked out, Izuku staying behind to put distance between them. To give eachother space. Katsuki managed to stifle the sob caught in his throat till he made it onto the elevator.
Katsuki poked the pork frying in the pan on autopilot. In his head, he thumbed through the same stack of thoughts sitting heavily in his mind like clockwork. He felt lost, weak, trapped. Condemned to a fate he had no control over. They wouldnât be able to keep sparring. Izuku had stopped being able to keep up with catch-a-kacchan months ago, and they had been staying ground-level for a while but they both knew even that was too much for him now. The embers were barely even there anymore.
Katsuki hadnât seen Izuku since heâd left him at the gym. They hadnât texted eachother, either. What would they even say? There werenât words. Katsuki didnât have the words.
At this, Izuku makes his first appearance in hours, to slink into the kitchen and stand beside Katsuki. Heâs silent for a moment.
Katsuki is relieved those were the words that came out of Izukuâs mouth, instead of..well.
He lets out a little breath of relief.
âSure. Grab the egg, mirin and soy sauce for me.â Mix those together-equal parts, four eggs, and chop some of those green onions while youâre at it.â
âGot it.â Izuku flits around the kitchen grabbing ingredients and settling again beside Katsuki, beginning his task.
They donât know how to bring it up, but the silence is somehow comfortable, each settling in to their tasks, accomplishing the same goal of katsudon together. Katsuki canât say it, but heâs thankful to have a reason to be near Izuku like this. Even if it is just making a meal together. They donât say much else, afraid to break whatever fragile comfort theyâd created.
They ate in silence. And then stared into space together, in silence. And then Katsuki said heâd wash their dishes, and then Izuku left, in silence; and Katsuki wished heâd asked for help instead.
Katsuki stared into the dark, in silence. Thought about texting Izuku. Couldnât find the words.
Itâs Saturday. Katsuki came down to make breakfast. Hoped to see Izuku, but he didnât show. Thought about taking the food to him, put it in the fridge instead.
4:24pm. Heâd stayed in the common room the whole day, but Izuku never showed, and Katsuki couldnât find the words to give him a reason to seek the boy out. What could he even say? âYou havenât eaten all day.â ? As if. How stupid for Katsuki to care about that whenâŚwhen he couldnât even..
Fuck it. A reasons a reason, he supposes.
Katsuki sped through the curry prep, in a hurry to get it to Izukuâs door and tell him he hasnât eaten all day. With two steaming bowls held on a dish platter, because he didnât want his to get cold while he ate alone, he marched his way up to Izukuâs room and knocked firm, once, twice, and waited.
Izuku opened the door quickly, and Katsuki saw he was in a similar shape to himself, dark circles under his eyes. He hasnât slept either.
âYou havenât eaten.â An observation, a request, a plea.
Izuku looked at the bowls, took one. Stood in the doorway, awkward.
At the same time Katsuki makes to turn away, Izuku speaks up. âDo you want to come in? You just, you have two bowls. You donât have toâŚbut. Um. Iâd like you to.â
His response was immediate. âYeah.â A breath, a small relief. A break from the pain.
They both settle down on Izukuâs bed to eat, backs against the wall. Close, even if neither one of them acknowledged it. They didnât speak. Until,
âUm. So, theres a show I started a couple days ago. Do..you wanna watch it with me?â Izuku digs around for the remote. Kacchan grunts for him to go ahead, so he turns it on from the beginning and they settle back in to eating, watching together.
Theyâre on episode five now, bowlâs of curry empty and forgotten on the floor beside the bed. Theyâve pulled Izukuâs blanket up over their legs and are zoned into the show, a merciful relief. A reason. Katsuki hides his yawns as subtly as he can, and Izuku pretends not to notice.
They both pretend not to notice when Katsuki subtly shifts further into the bed, afraid to break the spell. Theyâre both tired enough to not think about it.
Katsuki blinks his eyes open and finds the clock on the wall that doesnât belong to him, and then feels legs that also donât belong to him entangled with his own. He canât find it in himself to feel embarrassed about it. Izuku is sleeping peacefully, soft snores and breaths coming out in little puffs, one hand resting peacefully on his chest and the other holding Katsukiâs forearm, which was sat snuggly against the curve of Izukus side, being held in place in the air. Katsuki didnât dare move. The TV sat dark and paused on the wall, long forgotten. Heâd have to check to see when they both fell asleep so they knew how far back to go, he thought idly. A problem for later, though.
He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
When he woke back up Izuku was silencing his phone, his ringtone for Uraraka being cut short and detangling his legs from Katsukiâs in order to stand up from the bed.
âWe uh...we fell asleep last night.â
âThe showâs good. Whats the last part you remember? Weâre probably gonna have to find where we left off.â
âOh uh, i think..the new guy, the blonde one had just fought with that guy in the boat restaurant. I think he was gonna leave.â
âHuh? The last thing I remember is whats her name and whats his face playing some drinking game.â
A chuckle. âIâll go back and find our spot tonig-when we-um. Anyway. Iâm..Iâm glad you liked it, Kacchan.â
âIâll come back tonight. And we can watch more.â Small reliefs. Small reliefs, small reliefs.
A smile, small, shared. âIâd like that.â
âSo. Um. Itâs..itâs Sunday.â
Sundays they typically spent the whole day in the gym, sparring, being in each others company. Katsuki didnât get much physically from their sparring sessions these days, they both knew it. They seemed to be at an understanding though, of what they got from their Sundays together.
Suddenly, Katsuki had a thought. The words are out of his mouth before he can think better of them, eager to run from the conversation he so badly feared having.
âLets go play some fucking baseball, Zuku.â
Izukuâs eyebrows shoot up and he looks funny like that, Katsuki thinks. It makes his stomach do a weird little flip that he usually only felt in the heat of the moment during their fights and sparring sessions, back when Izuku was at full strength. The feeling puts a surprised little crease between his own brows.
ââŚhah..what?â Izukuâs smiling, confused.
Katsuki keeps going, fueled by the quick return of the feeling he hasnât felt in months, replacing the impending doom.
âCâmon, nerd, letâs go to the batting cages back home and play some fucking baseball. Maybe we can stop at your moms and say hi or something while weâre out.â
Silence. But..different this time. Better. Expectant.
Izuku huffs out a little laugh, relief of some sort.
âYeah, Kacchan, that sounds good.â
It does sound good, Katsuki thinks.
âHold your fucking arms higher, nerd!â
âShuddup! I know how to hit a ball, Kacchan!â
âGetting cocky? Since when do you talk back to me you little shit?â Katsuki hasnât felt this much like himself in months.
âYou make it easy being such a know-it-all, Kacchan.â
âIâm a know-it-all, because i know it all, you little asshole. Donât you patronize me.â
Theyâre both laughing, and Izuku is trying his best to hit the baseballs flying towards him in between snorts of laughter and playful banter. Itâs so easy like this. Katsuki had imagined the day Izukuâs emberâs went out a million times, he imagined it like death, but this didnât feel like death at all. This felt like..the birth of something new.
âLemme show you how itâs done, nerd.â
Izuku backs up and turns to hand Katsuki the bat but Izuku misinterpreted what he meant, because Katsuki turns him back around and comes up behind him with his hands on his shoulders.
âPick your arm up dummy, higher, angle it like this, you want to meet the ball at the same angle its coming at you.â Katsuki takes Izukus arm and imitates hitting the ball the way he wants him to, and then pushes Izuku forward again. Izuku is weirdly quiet, now.
âTry it like that. And donât be pissed when itâs better than your way.â
âWouldnât dream of it, Kacchan.â
ââŚFine. Donât be rude about it, though. Youâre still a know-it-all.â
Katsuki canât contain his shit eating grin, and that feeling in his gut is back with a vengeance.
âThereâs a reason for that, Zuku.â
Inko was delighted at the unexpected visit, flitting around to whip something up for the two and offering apologies for not having more ready for them both. In the end, theyâd eaten curry for the second day in a row, but neither of them commented on it, happy to be in Inkoâs company, happy to see Izuku happy. Eventually theyâd thanked Inko and ushered themselves off into Izukuâs bedroom for a while before they went back to UA.
Izuku was pulling All Might merch and knick knacks out of every corner of the room, handing them to Katsuki along with stories and âdo you remembersâ and Katsuki felt overwhelmed. The feeling in his stomach only grew the longer the day went on and he found it harder and harder to keep the stupid, easy grin off his face. He felt so happy it almost felt wrong.
âAh! kacchan! Do you remember when we drew these!â
They were two sheets of paper, one, in big letters, labeled âKACCHANâ, punctuated by tiny explosions in between each letter, and the other, âIZUKUâ written neatly, simply across the top of the page. Underneath each name was a drawing to match, the both of them drawn in crayon as heroes, in gear that hadnât quite matched up with what theyâd grown accustomed to.
Katsuki took the papers from Izuku and stared, and stared, and stared, and only snapped out of it when a single tear drop hit the page.
And then it happened again. He spoke without meaning to.
âI donât want to go back to the way we were before, Izuku. I-i donât even care that we canât spar anymore. I donât care about that. I just-i wanna keep hanging out with you. I donât care what what we do. I just-â he was shaking, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. Heâd feared this conversation, so.. why did this feel like relief too?
Katsuki just let himself cry, tiny sobs crawling the way into their atmosphere.
He looked up through wet lashes just in time to see Izuku launch himself into his arms, throwing him back into the bed and burying his face into Katsukiâs neck, sobbing with all the intensity Katsuki felt in his soul.
âI wanna be with you too, Kachhan, always, always. I-i..just want-to be around you...â
Katsuki wraps his arms around Izuku and lets the relief wash over him. Katsuki doesnât know what compelled him to say it.
Izuku pulls back just enough to look into Katsukiâs eyes. His heart is hammering in his chest, stunned speechless, and as Izuku searches Katsukiâs face he feels the boys breathing become panicked, coming out in short puffs verging on hyperventilation. Katsuki barely opens his mouth to take it back, to unscare Izuku when he seemingly realizes this and smashes their lips together in an effort to stop him.
Itâs sudden, scared, mutual. Blissful.
It takes Katsuki all of two seconds to come back online and fit his hand into Izukuâs hair in an effort to keep him there, and returns the kiss in full. Izuku grunts out a little sound that seems pained but somehow matches that feeling in his own gut, swirling and verging on the side of too much too much too much
They break the kiss at the same time, leaping away from eachother and doubling over themselves, anxiously giggling against their will and breathing heavily. Izuku leaps to his feet and starts pacing, muttering all the while, energy buzzing within him with the same intensity as one-for-all and Katsuki feels it seep into everything, feels his limbs buzz, heart racing, mind running a mile a minute and somehow not at all.
âAhhaah, AHHH, Kacch-i love you, FUCK I love you, holy-sh-shit, holy shit, oh my god. kachhhANNNN OH MY GOD.â
Izukuâs yelling and Katsuki finally yanks himself out of his shock to speak up just in time for Izuku to run out of the room screaming.
âHey-what the FUCK, IZ-get back here!â And then heâs off the bed too and running out the door behind him, leaving a stunned and confused Inko sat on the couch.
Katsuki catches up to him already at the bus station, pacing circles around the bench, laughing and crying hysterically. He catches a glimpse of Katsuki right as he stalks up to him and grabs Izukuâs arm.
âCaught you.â He grins triumphantly, and so, so happy, and doesnât even give Izuku the chance to respond before he captures the boys lips again.