There are four constants in Mikaela Noble’s life: Coffee, fighting with her parents, tequila sodas, and a lack of sleep.
Listen: Break Up With Your Girlfriend I’m Bored, Ariana Grande & So Good At Being In Trouble, Unknown Mortal Orchestra
7:30 AM: Accidentally hit OFF instead of SNOOZE on the alarm clock
8:24 AM: Wake up and realize it’s almost 8:30. Curse the entire way to the bathroom.
8:37 AM: Run out of the house in an outfit that doesn’t exactly match, coffee splashing out of the mug, toast with butter in mouth
9:17 AM: Arrive at work 17 minutes late and fake a laugh at all the jokes made by older coworkers about the hair, the outfit, hangovers (you are not hungover)
10 AM-3 PM: Spend the day editing photos and videos of guest interviews. Wonder why the fuck you don’t have an intern to do this. Get distracted by Tinder every once in a while. Fall asleep for 30 minutes at desk.
3-5 PM: Meetings with the boss and the boss’s boss and the boss’s boss’s boss.
5:00 PM: Consider lying to mom about working late to skip family dinner
5:15 PM: Politely decline invitation for drinks with the office because they’re all, like, forty and have kids
6:00 PM: Make it home in time for family dinner. Unfortunately.
7:00 PM: Watch mom and Jake dance to All Shook Up in the living room and refuse to dance with Jake
7:53 PM: Get in a screaming match with mom. Scream at Jake for getting involved. Tell them both to go fuck themselves.
8:00 PM: Take a walk around to cool off. Take pictures. Search through Tinder. Download Bumble for the fun of it. Search through that too.
9:00 PM: End up at The Catfish. Drink too many tequila sodas. Possibly doze off while sitting at the bar for a little bit.
1:00 AM: Drunkenly walk to Junkyard with any new friends made at the bar. Order fries and buffalo wings with extra buffalo sauce.
2:30 AM: Get home. Get into pajamas. Lie in bed, awake. Stare at the ceiling.
4:00 AM: Put on tims and grab camera to head outside — still in pajamas. Stop by Junkyard again for a cup of coffee.
5:45 AM: Get home, take the all-natural melatonin pills since mom won’t let you get a prescription for sleeping aids.
6:50 AM: Fall asleep.
7:30 AM: Repeat.
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Being a mortician is hard. Yolande is on call 24 hours a day, 5 days a week - an actually very generous arrangement she has made with Ted Cruise. At her old job, and at most funeral homes she has come by, there was no such thing as days off. "Death waits for no man" and all that. Morticians are like boy scouts that way, always prepared.... but most of the time, her work days are really kind of uneventful.
Sunday, 12 May 2019
6:03 AM: Relieved that she was woken up by her alarm (yes, those three minutes are crucial for her beauty sleep) instead of Ted Cruise, and also happy for the town because no one died overnight. Yo snoozes for fifteen minutes but catches up on Instagram and Snapchat instead of going back to sleep.
6:25 AM: Mentally celebrates not having to beat her roommates to the shower. She grabs an orange on the way, it’s a whole ritual — shower oranges are not only a thing; they are her favorite thing. As much as her roommates complain about finding bits of orange peel in the drain.
7:05 AM: Actual breakfast time; eaten on the kitchen counter in the nearest hoodie and still soaking wet hair. Today is shaping up to be a slow day at Cruise’s, so she is in no rush and has already accepted that she will be late.
8:40 AM: She’s not sure where the last hour and a half went, but she’s finally getting dressed and slapping on her makeup. There’s no funeral service today, so she can’t really be bothered to dress up too much.
9:20 AM: Shows up a good 20 minutes late for work and only then realizes she was supposed to meet a widow who’s sorting out her husband’s funeral. She’s not sure why she still has a job, if she’s being really honest, but she gets the situation under control and mentally blames Hankerton. Always his fault somehow.
10ish AM: Widow leaves, Yolande sorts out some paperwork, then just faffs around at the funeral home for a little while. Makes some gossip calls to her buddies over at the Nolensville mortuary, not having a lot to do because today it’s just her, Ted, and Hankerton. Thinks about lunch and texts Arthur to say that she misses him.
11:15 AM: Takes the hearse for a spin because she was pretty sure it made a weird noise the last time. Turns out it didn’t, but worth it nonetheless. Stops by a florist for a quick check-up on some commissioned floral arrangements.
12:34 PM: Lunch, swiping through Tinder, wondering if she should maybe increase her age range... but is distrated from that thought when she finds Seb. Super likes him because she’s a good friend.
12:50 PM: Watches makeup tutorials on her work desktop and catches up on that beauty guru drama. It’s research, alright, as she tells Ted. At least the first part is. Changes her ringtone for Hankerton to James Charles’ cover of Old Town Road. Texts Arthur about that too, but he doesn’t get why it’s funny.
3:05 PM: Decides to just go home and chill because nothing is really happening anyway and she doesn’t really need to be there, since she’s on call, anyway. Drives home and immediately falls asleep.
6:47 PM: Finally wakes up from her nap because she’s hungry. Drags herself into the kitchen and eats leftover pasta in bed. Texts Jude about a weird dream she had, forwards a hot Insta dude post to Kenna, stalks her ex-husband as well as Tommy Lee’s ex on Instagram while she’s at it. Reports findings.
8:22 PM: Curls up in bed with Les parapluies de Cherbourg and cries a little. Texts Summer to watch it... then Lana and Sophie. Someone has to give in eventually.
9:57 PM: Her movie ends and she puts on the soundtrack and cries a little more. Has another look through Tinder because there has to be a Guy Foucher for her out there somewhere. Gives up on that thought and picks up the book she is currently reading, L'Élégance du hérisson, trying to make some progress on that.
10:14 PM: Gives up on focusing and masturbates to Nino Castelnuovo instead.
10:31 PM: Takes some nudes just for fun, almost accidentally sends them to Jude but notices just in time. Sends them to Tommy Lee as a belated birthday thing.
10:49: Watches her favorite Cherbourg parts again... then falls into a YouTube hole and somehow she’s suddenly watching outtakes from Monsters Inc.
11:56 PM: Figures she should get ready for bed and starts her half-assed routine, jamming out to Lady Marmalade in the bathroom. Makes a mental note to go to the gym tomorrow. She has just barely landed in bed and closed her eyes when The Imperial March sounds from her phone, meaning Ted Cruise is calling. Fantastic. Back to work it is.
~ A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JUDE NOLAN ~
MAY 2019
(feat. accompanying song )
6:30 A.M. — Wake up.
6:40 A.M. — Wake up again.
6:58 A.M. — Third wake up call, Sophie this time.
6:59 A.M. - 8:00 A.M. — Shower, make breakfast (black coffee only), check dank new memes. Kiss the dogs and Sophie goodbye.
9:15 A.M. — Arrive at the studio fifteen minutes late with Starbucks.
9:45 A.M. — Take a fat dump while googling "Madeleine McCann did her parents kill her”.
11:35 A.M. — Excuse self for a piss. Message Cali girl #3 and ask for nudes. Piss turns into cranking one out. Feel guilty for 45 seconds while washing hands in the mirror sink.
1:58 P.M. — Burrito lunch with the sound crew. Message girlfriend. Apologize on behalf of Kirby ruining her shoes.
3:20 P.M. — Fall asleep while Avery is recording vocals. Blame Craig the engineer.
6:38 P.M. — Call it a wrap for the day. Head to Tequila Cowboy just down the road for carne asada tacos, chilli cheese fries, and 3 consecutive Blue Moons.
8:16 P.M. — Get into an argument/near-fight over Michael Jackson allegations. Kurt supportive of own viewpoint. Vince and José can eat shit.
9:21 P.M. — Move over to the bar portion of the establishment to flirt with a blonde with more plastic in her face than Mr. Potato Head.
9:29 P.M. — Find out said blonde is a Trump supporter and mildly regret said choice. But not enough to stop talking to her.
10:45 P.M. — Head to second, sleazier bar with two of the other guys. Call girlfriend and apologize for staying out so long.
11:13 P.M. — Vince gets into a fist-fight, jump in for support. Walk away with minor scratch on back of hand but whine about it for the rest of the night anyway.
2:49 A.M. — Message ex-girlfriend. Regret said message the minute it is sent.
2:55 A.M. - 3:29 A.M. — Order an Uber and head home. Offer to invite the Uber driver into home for a nightcap, but driver declines. Call him a party pooper but tip him $20 anyway.
Compared to the life he was living a year ago (jet setting across the country every day, performing to stadiums of 80,000+ people, doped up on any pill he could get his hands on), Addison’s day-to-day routine is now quite mundane. Just the way he likes it.
listen: san marcos, brockhampton & agnes, glass animals
5:30 AM: Wake up, hit snooze, lay in bed, stare at the ceiling. Contemplate skipping the meeting and working out to just go back to sleep. Fall back sleep.
5:55 AM: After hitting snooze for 25 minutes, roll out of bed. Head to the bathroom wash up. Give self a pep talk in the mirror.
6:15 AM: Make coffee for self and the rest of the house. Aunt Layla and Uncle Mickey should be up soon. Eat breakfast (cheerios and almond milk) and watch the news.
6:30 AM: Go out back and smoke a cigarette. Make sure Aunt Layla doesn’t see.
6:45 AM: Go for a run around Beaumont. Usually with the dog.
7:45 AM: Get home, shower, get ready for the day. Smoke another cigarette out back.
8:00 AM: Grab a banana, go to AA at St. John’s Church lead by Mrs. Green.
8:45 AM: Slip outside for a cigarette break.
9:00 AM: Go to Junkyard Diner with friends from AA. Order pancakes or french toast. Flirt with the waitress because damn, she is pretty cute.
10:00 AM: Cover the bill so your friends don’t have to, plus you have the means. Smile at the fact that the waitress left her number on the receipt. Forget to use the number. Go outside for another cigarette.
10:30 AM: Take Uncle Mickey’s jeep to the Trader Joe’s in Nashville. Grab some groceries that Aunt Layla needed.
11:00 AM: Take a cigarette break. Again.
11:30 AM: Swing by the old guitar store and jam out for a little. Tip the store clerk for not telling anyone you were there.
1:00 PM: Return to Beaumont, stop by The Hideout for a coffee. Buy a scone for Aunt Layla. Swing by the high school to drop off the scone.
1:15 PM: Cigarette break.
1:30 PM: Go home, unpack the groceries. Contemplate texting the waitress from the diner. Decide to check social media instead. DM Sophie a picture of a new restaurant in Nashville they should try. Type out a comment on Noreen’s newest post, then delete it to avoid dating rumors. Type it out again and post it because fuck it.
2:00 PM: Head to the batting cages outside of Beaumont. Smoke a cigarette. Bat for a couple of rounds.
3:30 PM: Swing by Madeleine’s on the way home to check up on her.
4:00 PM: Get home, smoke a cigarette. Search pornhub for a little too long. Possibly recognize one of the porn stars? Jack off.
5:07 PM: Lose track of time and stroll into work at The Catfish 7 minutes late. Apologize to Beth Anne (manager). Start side work.
7:00 PM: Mess around with Sebastian by making the worst concoctions possible until the bar starts picking up. Continue messing around even when they are busy.
8:30 PM: Sneak out for first cigarette break of the shift. That’s pretty good.
9:30 PM: Flirt with the girl ordering tequila shots for her friends. Accept her offer to follow her Instagram. Lurk her Instagram while she walks away.
1:00 AM: Start closing up and chat with people as they’re leaving. Act surprised when Beth Anne is annoyed that you are stalling customers from leaving. Get a girl’s phone number as she is leaving. Play guitar and sing Jackson Browne with Sebastian.
2:00 AM: Get home and shower. Scroll through Instagram until eyelids are too heavy to keep them open. Fall asleep and forget to charge phone.
Gooood Mornin’ residents of Beaumont! This your host, Tommy Lee, and you’re listening to the Beaumont Breakfast Show!
listen: you are your mother’s child, conor oberst & feel it still, portugal. the man
4:21 AM: Wake up nine minutes before alarm goes off. Try to use that time to fall back sleep. Fail at that.
4:30 AM: Alarm goes off. Roll out of bed and head to the bathroom. Take a dump. Shower and shave. Consider keeping a mustache, then shave that too.
5:00 AM: Make coffee, check email. Let the cat out.
5:20 AM: Grab a banana, granola bar, and coffee and head to work.
5:30 AM: Get to work, “flirt” with the receptionist — AKA ask how her night was and consider that flirting.
5:45 AM: Get into the studio, get into an argument with your executive producer, Dan, about what topic to start with.
6:00 AM: Start the show with a song Dan picked because you didn’t want to deal with the hassle.
6:45 AM: Take a long commercial break. Ask the intern to go buy coffee.
10:00 AM: Daily after show meeting. Forget to pay attention because the phone is distracting (Okay, Yolande sent nudes again)
10:30 AM: Leave the studio and make sure to say bye to the receptionist. She’s quite nice.
11:00 AM: Workout at Total Fitness. Hate every minute of it.
12:30 PM: Get home, shower, make lunch. Either a grilled cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Never been much of a cook.
1:30 PM: Swing by The Catfish for a beer while catching up on the news (still reads a physical newspaper, of course). Enjoy the presence of the old man that possibly lives at The Catfish.
3:00 PM: Pick up all the nieces and nephews in Beaumont from school: Carolina & Presley Ann from the middle school & Virginia, Willow, Noah, & Harrison from the elementary school. Remember why you’re not a dad.
4:00 PM: Stop by the Greens’ to say hello. Also because Mrs. Green always has the best food ready to be eaten.
5:30 PM: Get home and let the cat in. Catch up on TV shows with the cat.
8:30 PM: Check and reply to emails for work & plan tomorrow’s show.
9:30 PM: Bed. No facial routine because what even is moisturizer?
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Write a self para about a day in the life of your character, current day. You can break down their day into parts, or hone in on a significant moment of their day in detail. You can have someone in your character’s life talk about them instead; describe them from a loved one’s point of view. Once again you’re free to interpret this task any way you wish, throw in illustrations or photos, provide songs that go along with their day, colours, moods, etc. The only main requirement is that some part of it be written.
This task is optional and not time sensitive, meaning it has no deadline, and any character new or old is welcome to do it. Be sure to tag your final post #bmonttask003 so that others may see! Have fun!
Perhaps surprisingly, Noreen is a creature of habit. She hates it when her daily routine is thrown off, and her work days mostly play out the same way. It’s something she takes pride in because at least to her, it signals that she has her shit together. It’s debatable whether she’s right, but nonetheless this is absolutely the one aspect of her personality that’s thoroughly reliable.
5:30 AM: Noreen drags herself down to the gym. Earlier is better because the peasants are out there watching her, and she’s not about that. She much prefers having the place to herself, or at least as close as possible. Although it’s all part of the routine, it’s just so awkward when people witness her and her trainer yelling abuse at each other. Gets her all fired up and ready to attack the day.
7:00 AM: Her assistant comes over with breakfast for Noreen and the pets. More often than not, it becomes a breakfast meeting. Her majesty spouts orders and no matter how unreasonable, they’d better all be carried out before the day is over, unless otherwise specified. Nothing like a healthy order of intimidation to start off the peasants’ day.
8:30 AM: The Porsche sets off to Nashville for the first Starbucks run of the day... and some of that studio work, but coffee comes first. After a month in Tennessee, she’s conditioned the baristas at her favorite Starbucks location, and they’re now actually waiting with 'the usual’ at 8 AM sharp. For the nosy people, her 'the usual’ is an iced skinny cinnamon dolce soy cloud macchiato with cascara cold foam and shortbread syrup, absolutely no cream anywhere near it. She’s on a diet.
8:40-9:30 AM: She drives around town, mostly playing Pokémon and scheduling social media posts, but she also needs to get her hair and makeup done in case the paps are out stalking her. Sometimes she fits in a radio interview. Breakfast shows are the best because sleepy people don’t notice her forced attitude.
9:30 AM-2:30 PM: Split between rehearsal and studio time. Putting up with Avery Reed, most annoying person in the world, is a task in itself. Luckily, though, there’s a Pokémon gym within reach of the studio, so that helps. Maybe she does a line in the bathroom to keep her energy and mood up between coffee breaks. Sometimes her dad comes by, sometimes it’s another one of their producer friends. She’s always trying to lure cool people in to keep her entertained. And also it’s good for the ‘gram. Lunch also happens at some points, usually along with more Starbucks. Noreen’s work days are entirely fuelled by caffeine, sugar, and hatred.
2:30 PM: Back to Beaumont, stopping along the way at any Pokémon stops of interest. Maybe Sephora or a clothing store, this is the most variable time of day. On really bad Avery days, another coffee run happens too. She’s usually on the phone with Silver or her mother the entire way back, since it’s finally morning back in LA. At home, she plays with her goats and Mick Jaguar, browses the competitors’ social media and judges them, ignores Avery’s texts. This is also the last possible opening for anyone trying to reach the professional her before she signs off the country persona for the day.
6:30 PM: Dinner time, usually her PA’s last task for the day, unless she fits in a fourth coffee run. Sometimes that is necessary. Most days, she skypes with Silver while she eats. It makes her feel a less homesick, and well, someone needs to listen to her vent about work and how horribly difficult and stressful her life is.
8ISH PM: Chill time until bedtime. Intensive skincare routine to a soundtrack of black metal, catching up on everyone else’s social media drama, curling up with Mick and Netflix. Some time with her guitar, rehearsing those sick Slayer covers that the studio don’t believe in. Good night texts to Silver, Mama Innocent, and Daddy, maybe calling a friend to chat about life and roast other people. Ignoring yet another text from Avery asking her to go out.
10:00 PM: Bedtime, white noise machine on. She’s in bed at 10 sharp, and 8 hours of sleep still isn’t happening because the whole thing Groundhog Days the next morning at 5:30. It’s tough, having to work so damn hard all the time.