#bmonttask003

Sunday, 12 May 2019

6:03 AM: Relieved that she was woken up by her alarm (yes, those three minutes are crucial for her beauty sleep) instead of Ted Cruise, and also happy for the town because no one died overnight. Yo snoozes for fifteen minutes but catches up on Instagram and Snapchat instead of going back to sleep.

6:25 AM: Mentally celebrates not having to beat her roommates to the shower. She grabs an orange on the way, it’s a whole ritual — shower oranges are not only a thing; they are her favorite thing. As much as her roommates complain about finding bits of orange peel in the drain.

7:05 AM: Actual breakfast time; eaten on the kitchen counter in the nearest hoodie and still soaking wet hair. Today is shaping up to be a slow day at Cruise’s, so she is in no rush and has already accepted that she will be late.

8:40 AM: She’s not sure where the last hour and a half went, but she’s finally getting dressed and slapping on her makeup. There’s no funeral service today, so she can’t really be bothered to dress up too much.

9:20 AM: Shows up a good 20 minutes late for work and only then realizes she was supposed to meet a widow who’s sorting out her husband’s funeral. She’s not sure why she still has a job, if she’s being really honest, but she gets the situation under control and mentally blames Hankerton. Always his fault somehow.

10ish AM: Widow leaves, Yolande sorts out some paperwork, then just faffs around at the funeral home for a little while. Makes some gossip calls to her buddies over at the Nolensville mortuary, not having a lot to do because today it’s just her, Ted, and Hankerton. Thinks about lunch and texts Arthur to say that she misses him.

11:15 AM: Takes the hearse for a spin because she was pretty sure it made a weird noise the last time. Turns out it didn’t, but worth it nonetheless. Stops by a florist for a quick check-up on some commissioned floral arrangements.

12:34 PM: Lunch, swiping through Tinder, wondering if she should maybe increase her age range... but is distrated from that thought when she finds Seb. Super likes him because she’s a good friend.

12:50 PM: Watches makeup tutorials on her work desktop and catches up on that beauty guru drama. It’s research, alright, as she tells Ted. At least the first part is. Changes her ringtone for Hankerton to James Charles’ cover of Old Town Road. Texts Arthur about that too, but he doesn’t get why it’s funny.

3:05 PM: Decides to just go home and chill because nothing is really happening anyway and she doesn’t really need to be there, since she’s on call, anyway. Drives home and immediately falls asleep.

6:47 PM: Finally wakes up from her nap because she’s hungry. Drags herself into the kitchen and eats leftover pasta in bed. Texts Jude about a weird dream she had, forwards a hot Insta dude post to Kenna, stalks her ex-husband as well as Tommy Lee’s ex on Instagram while she’s at it. Reports findings.

8:22 PM: Curls up in bed with Les parapluies de Cherbourg and cries a little. Texts Summer to watch it... then Lana and Sophie. Someone has to give in eventually.

9:57 PM: Her movie ends and she puts on the soundtrack and cries a little more. Has another look through Tinder because there has to be a Guy Foucher for her out there somewhere. Gives up on that thought and picks up the book she is currently reading, L'Élégance du hérisson, trying to make some progress on that.

10:14 PM: Gives up on focusing and masturbates to Nino Castelnuovo instead.

10:31 PM: Takes some nudes just for fun, almost accidentally sends them to Jude but notices just in time. Sends them to Tommy Lee as a belated birthday thing.

10:49: Watches her favorite Cherbourg parts again... then falls into a YouTube hole and somehow she’s suddenly watching outtakes from Monsters Inc.

5:30 AM: Wake up, hit snooze, lay in bed, stare at the ceiling. Contemplate skipping the meeting and working out to just go back to sleep. Fall back sleep.

5:55 AM: After hitting snooze for 25 minutes, roll out of bed. Head to the bathroom wash up. Give self a pep talk in the mirror.

6:15 AM: Make coffee for self and the rest of the house. Aunt Layla and Uncle Mickey should be up soon. Eat breakfast (cheerios and almond milk) and watch the news.

6:30 AM: Go out back and smoke a cigarette. Make sure Aunt Layla doesn’t see.

6:45 AM: Go for a run around Beaumont. Usually with the dog.

7:45 AM: Get home, shower, get ready for the day. Smoke another cigarette out back.

8:00 AM: Grab a banana, go to AA at St. John’s Church lead by Mrs. Green.

8:45 AM: Slip outside for a cigarette break.

9:00 AM: Go to Junkyard Diner with friends from AA. Order pancakes or french toast. Flirt with the waitress because damn, she is pretty cute.

10:00 AM: Cover the bill so your friends don’t have to, plus you have the means. Smile at the fact that the waitress left her number on the receipt. Forget to use the number. Go outside for another cigarette.

10:30 AM: Take Uncle Mickey’s jeep to the Trader Joe’s in Nashville. Grab some groceries that Aunt Layla needed.

11:00 AM: Take a cigarette break. Again.

11:30 AM: Swing by the old guitar store and jam out for a little. Tip the store clerk for not telling anyone you were there.

1:00 PM: Return to Beaumont, stop by The Hideout for a coffee. Buy a scone for Aunt Layla. Swing by the high school to drop off the scone.

1:15 PM: Cigarette break.

1:30 PM: Go home, unpack the groceries. Contemplate texting the waitress from the diner. Decide to check social media instead. DM Sophie a picture of a new restaurant in Nashville they should try. Type out a comment on Noreen’s newest post, then delete it to avoid dating rumors. Type it out again and post it because fuck it.  

2:00 PM: Head to the batting cages outside of Beaumont. Smoke a cigarette. Bat for a couple of rounds.

3:30 PM: Swing by Madeleine’s on the way home to check up on her.

4:00 PM: Get home, smoke a cigarette. Search pornhub for a little too long. Possibly recognize one of the porn stars? Jack off.

5:07 PM: Lose track of time and stroll into work at The Catfish 7 minutes late. Apologize to Beth Anne (manager). Start side work.

7:00 PM: Mess around with Sebastian by making the worst concoctions possible until the bar starts picking up. Continue messing around even when they are busy.

8:30 PM: Sneak out for first cigarette break of the shift. That’s pretty good.

9:30 PM: Flirt with the girl ordering tequila shots for her friends. Accept her offer to follow her Instagram. Lurk her Instagram while she walks away.

1:00 AM: Start closing up and chat with people as they’re leaving. Act surprised when Beth Anne is annoyed that you are stalling customers from leaving. Get a girl’s phone number as she is leaving. Play guitar and sing Jackson Browne with Sebastian.

4:21 AM: Wake up nine minutes before alarm goes off. Try to use that time to fall back sleep. Fail at that.

4:30 AM: Alarm goes off. Roll out of bed and head to the bathroom. Take a dump. Shower and shave. Consider keeping a mustache, then shave that too.

5:00 AM: Make coffee, check email. Let the cat out.

5:20 AM: Grab a banana, granola bar, and coffee and head to work.

5:30 AM: Get to work, “flirt” with the receptionist — AKA ask how her night was and consider that flirting.

5:45 AM: Get into the studio, get into an argument with your executive producer, Dan, about what topic to start with.

6:00 AM: Start the show with a song Dan picked because you didn’t want to deal with the hassle.

6:45 AM: Take a long commercial break. Ask the intern to go buy coffee.

10:00 AM: Daily after show meeting. Forget to pay attention because the phone is distracting (Okay, Yolande sent nudes again)

10:30 AM: Leave the studio and make sure to say bye to the receptionist. She’s quite nice.

11:00 AM: Workout at Total Fitness. Hate every minute of it.

12:30 PM: Get home, shower, make lunch. Either a grilled cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Never been much of a cook.

1:30 PM: Swing by The Catfish for a beer while catching up on the news (still reads a physical newspaper, of course). Enjoy the presence of the old man that possibly lives at The Catfish.

3:00 PM: Pick up all the nieces and nephews in Beaumont from school: Carolina & Presley Ann from the middle school & Virginia, Willow, Noah, & Harrison from the elementary school. Remember why you’re not a dad.

4:00 PM: Stop by the Greens’ to say hello. Also because Mrs. Green always has the best food ready to be eaten.

5:30 PM: Get home and let the cat in. Catch up on TV shows with the cat.

8:30 PM: Check and reply to emails for work & plan tomorrow’s show.

5:30 AM: Noreen drags herself down to the gym. Earlier is better because the peasants are out there watching her, and she’s not about that. She much prefers having the place to herself, or at least as close as possible. Although it’s all part of the routine, it’s just so awkward when people witness her and her trainer yelling abuse at each other. Gets her all fired up and ready to attack the day.

7:00 AM: Her assistant comes over with breakfast for Noreen and the pets. More often than not, it becomes a breakfast meeting. Her majesty spouts orders and no matter how unreasonable, they’d better all be carried out before the day is over, unless otherwise specified. Nothing like a healthy order of intimidation to start off the peasants’ day.

8:30 AM: The Porsche sets off to Nashville for the first Starbucks run of the day... and some of that studio work, but coffee comes first. After a month in Tennessee, she’s conditioned the baristas at her favorite Starbucks location, and they’re now actually waiting with 'the usual’ at 8 AM sharp. For the nosy people, her 'the usual’ is an iced skinny cinnamon dolce soy cloud macchiato with cascara cold foam and shortbread syrup, absolutely no cream anywhere near it. She’s on a diet.

8:40-9:30 AM: She drives around town, mostly playing Pokémon and scheduling social media posts, but she also needs to get her hair and makeup done in case the paps are out stalking her. Sometimes she fits in a radio interview. Breakfast shows are the best because sleepy people don’t notice her forced attitude.

9:30 AM-2:30 PM: Split between rehearsal and studio time. Putting up with Avery Reed, most annoying person in the world, is a task in itself. Luckily, though, there’s a Pokémon gym within reach of the studio, so that helps. Maybe she does a line in the bathroom to keep her energy and mood up between coffee breaks. Sometimes her dad comes by, sometimes it’s another one of their producer friends. She’s always trying to lure cool people in to keep her entertained. And also it’s good for the ‘gram. Lunch also happens at some points, usually along with more Starbucks. Noreen’s work days are entirely fuelled by caffeine, sugar, and hatred.

2:30 PM: Back to Beaumont, stopping along the way at any Pokémon stops of interest. Maybe Sephora or a clothing store, this is the most variable time of day. On really bad Avery days, another coffee run happens too. She’s usually on the phone with Silver or her mother the entire way back, since it’s finally morning back in LA. At home, she plays with her goats and Mick Jaguar, browses the competitors’ social media and judges them, ignores Avery’s texts. This is also the last possible opening for anyone trying to reach the professional her before she signs off the country persona for the day.

6:30 PM: Dinner time, usually her PA’s last task for the day, unless she fits in a fourth coffee run. Sometimes that is necessary. Most days, she skypes with Silver while she eats. It makes her feel a less homesick, and well, someone needs to listen to her vent about work and how horribly difficult and stressful her life is.

8ISH PM: Chill time until bedtime. Intensive skincare routine to a soundtrack of black metal, catching up on everyone else’s social media drama, curling up with Mick and Netflix. Some time with her guitar, rehearsing those sick Slayer covers that the studio don’t believe in. Good night texts to Silver, Mama Innocent, and Daddy, maybe calling a friend to chat about life and roast other people. Ignoring yet another text from Avery asking her to go out.