#bmfagabond

John Cheese: There used to be an annual tradition in the archery program at the Olympic Training Center called the Thousand Arrow Challenge. It was eventually discontinued because we all thought it was cruel and unusual. The goal was simple and self-explanatory: shoot one thousand arrows within a span of twenty-four hours. Most of the athletes at the time lived out at the training center and trained full time. Not me. I was still a sophomore in high school. Being the absolute nerd I am, I decided I would go to school then go to the archery range and start shooting. So, not only was I used to shooting only half the number of arrows everyone else was, I also went into the Challenge sleep deprived and mentally drained because I had spent most of the previous night studying for a test and had woken up that morning at five. I would regret this decision later.

I went into the challenge feeling strong. I finished the first hundred arrows in about an hour and I felt good about myself and my chances of finishing quickly. Here’s the thing, though: everyone feels like that at first. You’ll reach about five hundred feeling like you can conquer the world. Then you reach five fifty and you begin to hate yourself. You wonder why you were stupid enough to agree to this Challenge. At this point, though, you’re mostly affected by the utter tediousness of the task and your own boredom. By about six hundred arrows, the pain starts. It begins slowly. Maybe your muscles are tightening up a little more than usual. Maybe you start shooting a little more slowly than you did at the beginning. Eventually you hit a wall. Suddenly everything is terrible and your back muscles are sore, like the archery equivalent of smiling for way too long. Like how it hurts to keep smiling but you find your mouth curved ever so slightly upward even if you’re not trying. By seven hundred arrows you begin finding the dumbest excuses to take breaks, just so you can stretch out your screaming trap muscles. By eight hundred you just kinda want to lay on the floor and then never move again. At nine hundred you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you ever-so-slowly drag yourself toward it. When I finished my first Challenge actually cried. Really, REALLY cried. I shot for twelve hours and nine minutes, after a full day of school, from four thirty in the afternoon to four thirty-nine the next morning after only four hours of sleep. 

That wasn’t the worst idea I’ve ever followed through on, though. Nope. That title belongs to the fact that I decided to do the exact same thing the next year despite knowing better. (Sorry this was really long, wow.)

Shitload: I don’t think any of the bands I listen are remarkably terrible? Buuuuut I do own this song on iTunes and every time I hear it I am reminded that I am a horrible piece of meme-loving trash.

Ribbon: There are two books that had a strong impact on me.  Looking For Alaska by John Green and Can't Get There From Here by Todd Strasser.  I read them both when I was at my lowest, and when I read Looking For Alaska I felt like I could somewhat relate to Alaska.  She was very destructive to herself (She even says so, "Y'all smoke for fun, I smoke to die" or something along those lines) and at the time, I was too.  That was a really long answer sorry.

North Pole: I am most grateful for my family, friends, and job.  I love my family so much, and my friends too.  My job has helped me grow as a person so much, and even though I may bitch about it a lot, I wouldn't be who I am without it.  The people there have shaped me into the person I am growing to be and I can't thank them enough for it.

Xmas Carol: Would I change my name if I could...Hm.  I always wanted to change my middle name to Millhone, since I was named after Kinsey Millhone in the Sue Grafton books.  I really like my first name though, I probably wouldn't change it.

Hot Cocoa: My favorite thing about myself is my love for myself.  This time last year, I hated myself.  I struggled with wanting to self-harm all the time and I thought I'd never get a job, never have a real life.  I used to talk myself down and never have any confidence.  Today I can talk to people without having an anxiety attack.  I love the body I'm in and every feature of myself.  I no longer hate my voice.  I'm comfortable eating in front of people now, and more than tiny amounts.  I love myself, and that is my favorite thing.

Reindeer: My patronus is a llama.  It's my favorite animal and they make me happy.