#bluerevs

marcus left in the night and then elena went her way, off to karaoke with her friends that was entirely used as a distraction from all of her harboring feelings towards that conversation she was left by herself with. once she was driving back home, after all the laughs and fun her two friends and their friends managed to coax out of her, the laughter, good mood and loud music was left behind in replacement of silence. just her, the radio on low and too much time to think again. a heavy sadness plowed her worse now than it did before she'd joined her friends as mind flickered back to marcus when her eyes fell on the 'best friend' bracelet adorning her wrist in the moonlight where her hand sat on the steering wheel. a phone call came through and she glanced down to hit accept without thinking of reading the contact name that was coming across.

"elena." the voice, gruff and unkind sounded through the phone on speaker. "where are you?" he didn't question out of curiosity, he questioned with irritation he was lacking control on her whereabouts. "just coming home from being with my friends. we went to karaoke." she answered plainly. there was a pause and she already knew he didn't like that. "you know, i'm getting sick of you straying off more and more as the months go on. what are you trying to do elena? ignore me?" she could hear the way he sounded angry, gritting the words through his teeth even over the phone. "you're my girlfriend, act like it and get over here." he demanded, "or i'm coming to get you." that made her frantic, shaking her head, "i will– tomorrow. i promise. i'm sleepy anyway, i'm just going to go in and go to bed." she told him and hoped it would suffice. he tsk'd his tongue then she heard the eye roll behind the phone, "whatever, yeah. tomorrow then." she quietly sighed in relief, then he hung up on her and she just blinked at how pathetic it made her feel.

she pulled into her driveway, sat there awhile with tears welling in her eyes and eventually her forehead slammed against the steering wheel. she hated this loveless relationship, the fear it was gnawing her alive with, the horrible pit in her stomach rory caused. she wanted out of it. but she swore running away would be the only option of getting out of it. elena eventually pushed herself to climb out of the mustang, shoved the front door open and threw off her shoes and slung away her jacket. she wanted to punch things, kick things, scream at things. eventually her mother heard the loud ruckus coming from the front of her house and left the living room to find her daughter in tears. so many nights elena had dodged her mom from seeing the endless tears she has came home with. just to spare breaking her heart from seeing her heart broken. her mother, elisa, immediately acted out in concern, curling her arms around elena and bringing her into a hug. eventually they walked off to the living room before elena broke down again once her mother asked for the fourth time what's wrong and she climbed in her lap that time, which her mom eagerly held her and hugged her again. "i'm scared." finally she blurted with tears and snot dripping down her face, "scared of what, sweetheart?" which her mother wiped away. "i want to break up with him. i'm done with him, i'm so sick of him. but i'm scared of what happens if i do. what if he hurts us? we can't just move OFF to a new place. what if he hurts himself? me? you?" he could use threats that'll tie her right back in towards her family or even himself. and how does she do it? by phone call? no. that's so cowardly and it'd never work, she'll have to face him. "elena, don't worry like that. if you want to break up with him, you have every right to do so. you are not obligated to stay with anyone. do you understand? i have understood he has your brain used to giving in to his tricks. but that's what they are. are tricks. if we have to armor ourselves like army men to ease your worries, we will. but do not stay with him if it's NOT what you want, do not allow him to continue to control you by fear." she lectured and elena stared at her before the words started breaking through that invisible barrier of fear that had a strong block on her brain. "okay. ...you're right." she hugged her neck, tightly clinging and hating how secretive she's been all along. wanting to make up for that now. "and who is your friend from earlier you were giving ugly middle fingers to?" elisa shook her head in disappointment, but her curiosity was provoked. brows furrowed and elena realized. her mother was stalking her? she'd feel more embarrassed she caught her giving marcus middle fingers that her mother disapproved of if she wasn't drowning in these conflicting emotions she still had about on what to do with rory.

"that's marcus." and then she heard her mother give a, 'hm'. so elena continued to explain ; who he was and how long she had known him before she got interrupted with her mother's shock widening in her eyes. "so two? two boyfriends? you have had TWO boyfriends, elena?" then she bursted in a paragraph of fast spanish that even elena could only half comprehend. now she knew how marcus felt. "loco. eso esta loco elena!" crazy. that is crazy, elena! the part she loudly understood. "you can only choose one. one boyfriend. possibly, choose the one that isn't garbage to you. hot garbage even. maybe the one that politely waved." she smiled in a hinting way, taking that was a good sign he was not hot garbage too. "anyway, you cannot have two boyfriends..." she began her lecture all over again because she couldn't believe elena and felt like it wasn't getting through to her. "okay, mom. i understand. i've known that. only one. and if you want to know which... well– the polite waving one is my favorite, too." elena gave her a tiny smile, a hint of playfulness in it. and then finally her mom's excited little smile coaxed a laugh out of her before elena gave her one more hug and decided to close her eyes and rest here, relishing in the moment of getting to feel younger again and safe. all she craved was safety.

. . .

almost two weeks later. almost two weeks had somehow flown by and she still hadn't pulled the trigger. even after her mother had built up her confidence. she just froze each night she was over at rory's and was about to let it slip but didn't. it was last night when he let it slip he was with another girl that floored a crazy anger through her, had them breaking out into an argument and then she slammed the door and left just to go home and dwell. she wasn't in any competition to fight for the affections of any man, let alone a piece of scum like rory. but, she wasn't going to be made out to be a fool any longer. faithfulness is the bare minimum, elena. marcus' voice echoed through her mind from that night in her bedroom. the way it struck through her, how right he was. how did it make her feel? to know she was being used as his rag doll, he was kissing and doing other things with other women and using them against her? like the lowest she had felt, like she truly hit rock bottom. fear was irrelevant now, she decided that as she sung at a beautiful little venue tonight for a couple and their wedding party. dressed back up in her gown she had worn a few months ago. the atmosphere was so positive, full of love and light. happy faces and people in love. so opposite from the monster that awaited her after the venue. the atmosphere she was in the middle of put her in mind of exactly what it was like to be with marcus. especially as she was on stage getting to sing her heart out to her other favorite whitney song, 'i have nothing'.

i never knew love like i've known it with you will a memory survive, one i can hold on to? i don't really need to look, very much further i don't wanna have to go, where you don't follow i won't hold it back again, this passion inside i can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide your love i'll remember forever, don't make me close one more door. i don't want to hurt anymore. stay in my arms if you dare or must i imagine you there? don't walk away from me, i have nothing, nothing, nothing..

"if i don't– have you." the high note coming to an end provoked too many emotions, doe eyes watering under the warm lights as she admired the loving crowd applauding her before it was even ended. that wasn't mainly why she was emotional, it was the wave of nostalgia comparing it to another song in similar she had sung to marcus before rory had came and ruined it and the way the words simply affected her soul. "thank you so much." blowing all of her kisses to the venue full of people adoring her cover of a song that meant so much to her. elena decided she was going to leave early, so she bid her goodbyes with the bride and groom who were kind enough to have her here tonight apart of their special evening. the happy smile on her face faded into sadness and a little fear once she was outside getting into her car, because she knew where she was going next. but there was also something new for once, bravery clawing away the fear.

elena made a stop by her house, mustang idling outside, still ready to take off as her heels quickly clicked against the pavement of her driveway while she held the sides of her white gown up from dragging. she snuck into the right side garage door, slipping in and immediately rummaging through her father's things in the corner of the garage. there was a tall gun case filled with a drawer full of knives. was it absolutely insane to even contemplate really having to use such weapons? yes. but better safe than sorry and that was just the reality of the situation. she took the switchblade with her and began to turn but paranoia had her turning back, taking one of the guns with her. it had her heart pounding, wrapping her fingers around the barrel but told herself again. better safe than sorry. it was just precautions. she wouldn't really need to use a weapon, she told herself. and then left with it. placed the shotgun in the trunk and pretended like she didn't just have to do that in the first place before driving off.

heart was slamming in her chest when she pulled up to the front of rory's apartment. there was other people around the complex, surely she wouldn't need to use the weapons? she prepared herself to run and scream if he tried hurting her? that'd be the initial plan, right? she didn't waste time to think, she just acted before the adrenaline could fade away. the knife was slipped and hidden in the back of her bra, left the vehicle idling and picked up the key under the rug in front of the door that she knew it was hidden under. turning it and shoving the door open, throwing the key on the floor and stomping past his roommate's room that of course wasn't home tonight and then into his. door slung open, thudded against his wall and he immediately shot up from whoever he was texting as he was perched on his side on his bed.

probably one of his whores they discussed last night. elena yanked open the top drawer, taking every shirt she owned and stuffing it in her bag. "what the hell are you doing?" he confusingly shot up and asked, watching her like the insane woman he thought she was. "it's over. i'm done with you." the words calmly left her voice, throwing the bag over her shoulder. "done with me? DONE? you aren't done with me, elenaaa. don't lie. don't kid yourself." he laughed, shaking his head, in denial. "i am. why would it matter to you anyway? you can have all the whores who are stupid enough to want someone like you and i can be out of your hair– not 'bitching at you' like you always say. how you love to call me a bitch, bitch, bitch. ALL the time. so why WOULDN'T i be done with you?" she asked, dumbfounded and heart panging every time he's ever called her it. "that's because you are a little bitch." another hit. that ran through her for the last time as her heart slammed in her chest, her arms starting to tremble. "thank you. at least i'm not a piece of shit." she spat, the first time she says that to him that OUT loud. then starts to turn and walk away until she feels herself getting jerked backwards, he's grabbed hold of her bag and making her stumble. he had to anchor himself not to lose it for calling him that. "you're just being crazy, you're not really leaving me. you're staying here with me. i'm not letting you," he shook his head, feeling the truth settle in, which began to make him panic. "let me go." she warned him, trying to tug her bag back but he wasn't budging. her heart started pounding faster as fear began suffocating her. "it was one time, elena. one time. i promise i won't see anymore of them, i won't see anyone but you ever again, i promise." he was growing desperate so he attempted to 'play nice', tightening his grip on her bag. his hand lifted to touch her face and she slapped his hand away. then slapped him again when he touched her waist. "i don't care! and you're lying!" she was about to let the bag go and just run. "elena, i swear." he gritted his teeth, like he was on the verge of something threatening and her hand palmed his face, digging her nails into his skin and shoved it away. "fuck!" he hissed at the pain of it and she started slipping her arm out of the bag until he grabbed for her arm but ended up grabbing the strap of her dress instead which caused it to snap and break when she lunged too fast to run then she was shoved. her shoulder and chin both collided against the edge of the desk she ran into, chin taking a hard hit, rattling her teeth until they hurt and her shoulder earning a red scratch from the sharp edge of it that caused her skin to well then broke into a string of blood.

she winced once she hit the floor and hand quickly dipped into the back of her dress while rory started pleading and predictably threatening he was going to hurt himself if she left. she shook her head, forcing herself not to listen to it, but that seemed to only fuel him when he was seeing it wasn't working anymore. "elena, please, please," she winced at her arm, jaw and teeth hurting. and all he cared about was himself while she pushed herself back up only for him to pick her up and place her down on his bed. "you're not leaving me." he shoved his head into her shoulder that wasn't bleeding. "...okay." she weakly responded and grew still, muscles in her stomach tightening when she felt his arms snake around her waist. a lie. she QUICKLY shot up from the bed before he could ensnare her in his grip, grabbing the bag and running for it. he was chasing after her, lamps he was grabbing getting thrown at her before smashing against the wall and then her first instinct was to grab for the chair sitting in the hall, throwing it at him, making him stumble before he angrily tossed it to the side after he got slammed in the knees with it and then he shoved the front door back CLOSED before she could exit out of it. sound of the switchblade swiftly slid out of it's compartment and she held it up to him, "leave me alone for the last time!" he stared at what she had in her hand in disbelief and angry confusion, contemplating if she'd really use it on him, or if he could get it away from her. if he tried the latter, he could end up getting sliced so he hesitated with that option. "get away from me!" veins in her neck protruding, in distress, throwing her arm out of anger. the motion putting a little fear in him to step back, but calculating what he could do next to get her to stay. while he was thinking, elena quickly turned, opened the door up and made a beeline for her car. she opened the passenger door to cut time in half reaching the drivers side. she dropped the knife in the passenger side floor, slammed the door back, doors locking, car put in drive and she stepped on the gas once she slipped into the drivers seat. ticket or not, how could she be in the mind space to care about getting pulled over as she floored it through town as tears flooded her eyes. she couldn't go home. her mother couldn't dare see her like this. she knew what she'd do, end up blaming herself for suggesting elena to ignite the breakup but forgetting the most important part. how to do it in a safer manner than how she'd went about it tonight. and marcus... all she would do is cause him ANOTHER headache. she couldn't go there either.

the horrific sobs of a mental breakdown tearing from her throat in the confines of her car, that's STILL the direction she ends up in because she inevitably doesn't know WHERE else to go. eyes frantically looked in her rearview mirror time to time, making sure rory still wasn't chasing after her. she was just paranoid now until the dings her phone was starting to receive made her FLINCH and caused her heart to race all over again from the way it startled her. she saw his name glow across the screen and ignored it, pushing it out of her head as she swiped at her eyes, made her breathing calm down once it hitched in her throat and tried to look presentable as she was nearing the familiar road. she parked, turned the car off, slipped out of it after a few minutes and slowly went up to the door with the bag and her phone on top of the stuff in it. temples throbbing, feeling her pulse ringing in her ears, jaw and shoulder aching, she lifted her fist then put it back down. sitting out here on the step almost felt like a better idea... then fist raised again and she quickly forced herself to knock. panic started swelling in her chest, what had she done? and then a new reason to panic flashed in her eyes once she looked down at her dress. torn at the sleeve, red gash down her arm and a light purplish bruise under her jaw starting to slowly form directly under her beauty mark. the latter she was unaware. but the way her dress look disheveled had her quickly stuffing the ripped part into the inside of her dress and she held her shoulder, prepared to tell him some lie if he even answered. maybe she just fell outside or something.