The dissociation was so well described. The hyper fixating on small things like cracks in the wall or buttons on a shirt so the mind can wander, the seeing and hearing things around you without REALLY seeing or hearing them.  It’s so hard to explain what that feels like and you did it perfectly.

They was you wrote it kind of reminded me of maladaptive daydreaming, and while I was reading, I was thinking of how that can make hours can feel like minutes and then I read the “time feels elastic” line and I was like EXACTLY!! (then her realizing that’s it’s nighttime just drives the point further). I’m amazed by how well it was written. It was so cool to read this chapter and know exactly how she felt. I also really liked that her body was still functioning normally despite her mind not fully being there. I’ve seen quite a few depictions of dissociation in media being both the mind AND body shutting down which doesn’t always happen. This felt more real (& relatable) and was very enjoyable to read.

And then the Gwinam of it all…..“like I’m the bad guy”🤦‍♀️. His inability to see that he’s done anything wrong is both the best and most frustrating part of his character. The “he’s hard again” line is has so few words but such a big impact when you read paragraph upon paragraph of the trauma she’s just had to endure/her struggling to cope with it, and then all of sudden he’s getting sexually aroused cleaning the body HE broke. And her trying to think of her mom but not being able to because he’s touching her inappropriately was so sick and demented in the best way. If I’m remembering correctly, in LU I think the worst parts of Gwinam were more implied rather than directly shown since there were a couple time jumps, but this series goes into how much of a monster he really is. He’s not just an asshole, he’s the literal devil incarnate.

The dialogue is so good, I love that the entire time he’s basically just have a one sided conversation with himself lol. The “I like you” bit felt so wrong because it sounded so innocent after we’ve just seen the absolute worst of him in the previous chapter. Also, the use of the word “like” as present tense threw me for a loop since we’re way past that at this point. I think that just goes to show the difference between where they are mentally, and I think it’s a testament to your writing skills that such small details say so much about the characters.

I’m trying not to write an essay, but there were so many things I loved about this chapter. This was the best one so far imo.❤️ ❤️

Please write me an essay, a whole bible if you want... I'm obsessed 😫❤️

This chapter was such a monster to write, both from its size to the contents. I started it with the intention to add some action and then I was like...she was just violently assaulted - let's give everyone a breather. I also had some dialogue on her part, but that didn't feel right, so full dissociation we went.

Her whole dissociative episode was very much inspired by my own experience with trauma and it's aftermath. I also just tend to vacantly stare at walls because YES! maladaptive daydreaming is my bread and butter during boring work hours! ✌️

Reading your words regarding those points fills my heart fr 🤧

Now zombie boy... Well, saying he's fucked up is stating the basic obvious. I'm not sure if it was clear in this chapter but he does regret it. Not for raping her exactly, but for the way the aftermath came with repercussions he wasn't expecting and definitely didn't want. He knows that what he did was objectively wrong - but he loves her so very much so how wrong can it be really?? He saved her, after all. He's caring for her! So why that reaction??

I assure you - if reader was feisty after the assault we would be seeing him behaving very differently. He just realized that he has to "behave" or he will lose her for good.

Fkskfjddj he was so annoyed from the lack of answer and reaction, you have no idea. He felt so small then, so frustrated. I can't wait to show things from his POV. It's really sad tbh - he does love her in his own way, even tho it doesn't translate well. We'll see more of/about it in future chapters, but is very complex. Hope to make it justice lol.

You guys really have no idea how dark and deep I'm planning to go with BD - LU could never come close with what was already posted. I'm really glad I took a step back to plan it properly this time.

Him letting her be chased by zombies, killing one, and then turning around and being like “I saved you” had me dead. I really enjoy that about Gwinam in this series, he literally puts the reader through hell and then genuinely sits there and thinks he’s doing good and she should love him for that.

I can’t wait for the stockholm syndrome to kick in and for them to swing back to that ‘i hate you, I love you’ type relationship that was built up and foreshadowed in the earlier chapters. I also think Gwinam’s resentment of her not helping him will add so much to this dynamic. The “You don’t know what pain is” line as he’s putting her in worse pain than he was is so good.

The mirror scene was so cool. When he was saying that she was finally his and she’s looking at her own broken reflection, it felt like they were looking in that mirror and seeing two completely different things. It was very well written.

I really liked the predator and prey metaphors with the spider and fly/rabbit in the dogs mouth, I especially liked that the spider reached the fly during his orgasm and the fly stopped struggling afterwards because despite the physical and mental pain she feels leading up to that, it emphasizes that that specific moment is when her mental state breaks.

I rambled a lot more than I meant to in this ask but the chapter was too good!! Super excited for the next one. ❤️ ❤️

These kind of comments are my bread and butter, I love you for it! 🥺🤧

BD really is a much deeper and developed version than LU ever was (the latter was meant to be only a smutty one shot before I added more chapters, after all). I've been working hard to give BD a direction and a story that makes sense throughout, so it feels good to see that people notice it.

Future chapters - more particularly 7-10, I would say - will show us how the aftermath of chapter 6 effects them both.

Regarding Gwinam, I'm trying to keep him as canon as possible while changing him enough that all of this story makes sense. We will learn more about his backstory and have some scenes from his POV as well. I won't go much into it rn, but – romantic feelings aside – he's very attached to the reader. Unfortunately for her, that doesn't translate well 😅.

He's a very complex but definitely evil person, which I'm still not sure that I want to redeem. We'll see softer sides of him, but is all linked to his passion for the reader and his need to make her like him back. He can't stand the fact that she hates him, and we'll see much more of that going forward.

The prey/predator metaphors are my favorite ngl! Love adding symbolism and things like that to my works, and this one has been a field trip for that hehe 😁

Aww you're a reader of LU 🥺 I wonder how many of you have read the original and if you can connect all the similarities!

Your comment made me so excited to share everything I have planned for BD 🤧 the story is still pretty much the same of what I had planned in the original, but I've added and fleshed out so many little (and not so little) details. The story is so much richer imo, and I have like 20 pages of outline – that I will hopefully follow and not deviate halfway lol 😆

Next chapter will definitely be... intense (iykyk)

My anxious ass wanted to ask you how you're doing with Bloodstained Devotion. I don't mean to hurry/pressure you, it's just that I'm sooo into your story and the characters dynamics that I'd love to keep reading.

I'll wait anyways, I bet it's worth it !

Thank you for reading. ♡

Hello!

BD is going pretty well. I was never a fast writer - so that hasn't changed haha - but at least I know exactly where I'm going with it, and working on the chapters whenever I can. Chapter 4 is already written and edited, so you can expect it in January. I can't promise, but I'll try to post a chapter a month, at least.