#blognote

The mod definitely didn’t intend to have asks off this whole time. Asks have been off anyway until just now. Knock yourselves out~

Hey, everyone.  Just wanted to give you guys a little update.

I'm doing better, symptom wise.  I think I'm through all of the withdrawal symptoms now, though of course my pain issues are never ceasing.  Since I couldn't do any schoolwork while I was really struggling with medications, I've now had to try to scramble and finish final exams.   I'm currently in the middle of a really difficult take-home final.  (I've been working on it for three days and have solved half of one problem so far.  It's been rough.)  So, yeah, pretty much all of my energy has been going towards basic self-care, basic mandatory housework, and this exam.

These past few weeks, I’ve been losing my faith in Poetry. Or rather, I’ve been losing faith in my ability to write good poetry. There is a massive difference to how I understood Poetry before I enrolled in my Comparative Literature and Creative Writing classes and how I understand it now. Back then, I had the naive preconception that it’s all just about emotion and working around a concept and playing with images. I kind of want to kick myself for thinking that it was going to be easy and that I was not going to have any trouble with it. I was wrong and stupid for thinking so because as the weeks and sessions passed by, little by little I started realizing that it’s actually the most complex of all the literary genres. I started having an identity crisis, started looking at all my past poems with disgust, started questioning my skills and lack thereof. In other words, I started having this constant cloud of fear hovering above my head because I was burdened with the thought that I no longer have what it takes to be a poet.