Dear myself, You've spoke to him since the 12th July and text him since the 20th July. He said he would never ever hurt you and whether he stuck to that or he didn’t, I suppose that determines whether he meant it when he said he loved you. I know the guilt, regret or any other current feelings you feel may be overwhelming, but you were (or still are) a young lady who saw an opportunity of excitement, of living life, possibly love and happiness. You were always doubtful in some way or another about his feelings towards you and you were aware of the outcome of the situation that was sure to be unpleasant but you did what you had to do for many reasons. It was equally blamed and do not let anyone tell you different. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says and it never will. You had to do it for yourself and no one else. It was your chance to live life and grab it while you could so you did. It was the summer of 2016 and you should not regret on single part of any new beginnings. It was exactly what you wanted at the minute. You was and still are a young, beautiful lady, who despite feeling down, abused and used, is still as worthy as you ever were. Now let him sink back into his money and career. Just a Buchanan. He has to sustain that for the rest of his life and he hasn't the courage to change anything in stone. Whereas you my dear, you haven't even began. You have it all to come. Everything. So look forward to it all. Keep that hunger still for life, he doesn’t deserve to take that away. I know, despite eventually falling for him, without these intentions, it happened. But you are strong enough. Wrap yourself in a new, good book, take a jog or a walk, bake, nap, journal, shower 5 times anything, but you have to. Cry. Let it all out because this seems like a new found heartbreak but you are brilliant and it may not feel the same when someone calls you baby, or angel, babe, my love, or say you are amazing for a while, or ever, but this is life. So slowly let go and remain faith. Don’t let this make love daunting, don’t let him stop another chance of love and happiness. You strong girl. Someone out there is made for you and they're waiting my love. {you have to accept the fact that parts of him are ingrained in you now and he has taken parts of you and your time that you'll never get back}

Sometimes i wonder if my boyfriend even wants to be with me...

900 Days Later...

15/16

Poem #10