#blocking feelings

Being on the receiving end of this is no fun. In a way, you always end up maintaining a degree of separation between yourself and the person who can't regulate their emotions. You just can't get close to them.

You find yourself wanting to be close to them, but you know that at any time, they may misconstrue something you say, even if what you say is not directed toward them in any way.

You try to get them to understand that what you were saying was just a generalized statement and had nothing to do with them, but they continue to recontextualize what you've said, making it 100% personal to how it made them feel when your words were not even related to them at all.

Holding back feelings for someone, never do it. So, my name is Stephen Frost, I'm the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. A lot of people get into situations where they start holding back feelings for someone. There can be various reasons for this. Part of it can come out of insecurity, out of embarrassment or anxiety as to what might happen if they do share their feelings and do say something.

Other things can come from what will be the next step once they have said something, will they actually be able to proceed into living a life with that person the way they have imagined it? Or will it be in some way different? And so they choose to never say anything because it feels safer, and they feel more able to just control their reality and what's going on within their life.

Now, why is it a good thing to actually communicate and to stop holding feelings back? Well, for a start, when you are holding back feelings for someone, you are creating an ever increasing intensity in emotional pressure and mental pressure on yourself, okay. So you are going to have to deal with that and the mounting stress which occurs as a result of doing it, because there is always going to be, even if there is an anxiety about what might happen when you tell a person, there is also going to be the level of stress which happens as a result of not telling that person and not seeing what happens.

So you're going to actually be putting yourself in a vice by holding back feelings for someone. What other things can occur? Well, another one is around that person and around people that see you close to that person. There is going to be a level of tension. People are going to pick up on the fact that something is not quite right between the two of you.

If they spend time around that person, they’re likely going to think, well, they seem fairly relaxed, everything seems to be okay, and then they spend time around you and on your own. You seem to be okay, but when you get close to that person, they are going to notice that something is off with you, if they spend any significant amount of time around the two of you.

So, you then have that increasing pressure on the dynamic and people wondering whether you are okay, and also the likelihood that the person that you have got the feelings for and are suppressing those feelings, that person is likely going to start questioning what is going on with you, and it could well create discomfort for them, which will cause them to actually gravitate further and further away from you.

So you're actually going to get into a self-defeating situation by actually holding back feelings for that person and saying nothing about it. So, that's what's going to happen when you say nothing. What will happen if you say something? Well, ideal result is that the two of you then start forming a relationship, things progress and you get the result that you actually want.

The flip side of this is that there could well be situations in which that person comes back to you with communication of actually, that's not really what I want. It may be because they're already in a relationship, or perhaps you're just different from the type of person they wish to spend their life with. So there is that to confront.

Is it a bad thing? Actually, far from it. It's a good thing because it will enable you to process and move on, even if you may need some help in regards to things like dating coaching in order to actually move on from that person. Alternatively, you can move on from that person yourself. Some people will deal with it in a way that is akin to a breakup, and you need to be able to overcome breakup healthily.

If you've repressed feelings for a long period of time, it can feel like you've been in a relationship, and thus it does occur like a breakup. For other people, if it's been a shorter period of time and there's been less significance attached to those feelings, it can be relatively easy to move on, which can be a good thing to do.

So, why is it wise then if that person has got zero interest in you, to actually communicating that so that you can move on? Well, the reality is there is very definitely someone out there for everyone in life. Whether it is that first person that you really feel like you have fallen in love with, and you're basically holding back feelings because you're nervous about what might happen if you get into a situation where you've actually shared those feelings, that's another matter.

If that person was never right for you, because you're just a different type or whatever, or there's some level of other incompatibility in there or lack of interest. By knowing about that, you can then move on, and you can then start actually going through the process of meeting different people and finding the person who is going to reflect that love that you've got and that desire that you have for enjoying life together.

So, true love, absolutely yes, it does exist. You can find true love most easily. When you are holding back feelings for someone you are blocking yourself from the ability to find true love.

Very, very unfortunate that. It is however the truth, it is the case. So in order to actually get to enjoying true love within your life, you need to be upfront and honest. You need to share your feelings with someone. If they are rejecting you for whatever reason, moving on from them so that you can find the right person is a really, really good thing that you can do to empower yourself to actually get the most from life, and realistically enjoy that true love when it comes.

So, my name again, Stephen Frost, founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. Holding back feelings for someone should you ever do it? Absolutely never. Always be upfront with people. If you need to build some rapport with people before you share your feelings for them, yes, absolutely do that, because that can help you to achieve more of the right result, rather than just going up to some random stranger that you like and blurting out what you feel, that can lead to some very uncomfortable situations. Spend some time getting to know people and then when you have got significant rapport, then let them know. Never, however, repress your feelings or hold them back for a significant length of time, it will lead to stress for everyone concerned. Thank you.