#blindcorner

I am historically a very active person. I played basketball, ran track and threw shot put, jumped hurdles, was in marching band, and danced competitively throughout my teenage years. I am also extremely adept at hurting myself - on open cabinet doors, while cleaning a cheese grater, and while walking up flights of stairs - in flat shoes, no less.  This combination of extreme hand-eye coordination and klutziness brings much amusement - and worry - to my loved ones. And much like a man’s wallet never being without a condom, my wallet contains Band-Aid brand band aids of three different varieties and sizes.

My friend, Tachi, is someone who shares this particular klutzy trait. After living with Tachi and her family (story for another day) for a year, I realized my klutziness had compounded with hers and rarely a day went by that one of us didn’t need an ace bandage, a super sized band-aid, an ice pack (paired, of course with a hot water bottle), or neosporin and bactine. When I moved back to New York after that year, I noticed that I was doing a little bit better. It became rare that I needed to use the band-aids in my wallet, and I think my neosporin has since expired - still full. I was sure I had grown out of it - finally. As (rarely) happens, I was proven wrong. Twice, in fact, in two days.

I am a creature of habit. Give me a routine and I will never leave its path it unless something immovable forces change. For example, my shower routine has not changed for at least 8 years:

Shampoo in. Shampoo out.  Conditioner in.  Face wash on.  Face wash off.  Body soap on. Shave armpits.  (Shave legs - if it’s that kind of day).  Body soap off.  Conditioner out.  Final rinse.  Towel on.  Q-tip in. Q-tip out. Face moisturizer on.  Deodorant on.  Fructis leave in conditioner in.  Towel off.  Clothes on.

If something in that routine gets disturbed, I almost have to restart the entire process. On my last project, I walked to work a particular way when I exited the subway. Part of my walk involved the southwest corner of West 53rd street and 7th ave. I would walk from Broadway on the south side of 53rd and round a sharp corner when I hit 7th ave. to head south. This particular corner is graced by a Chase - the most prominent bank in NYC. If you don’t see a Chase on every two blocks, you may very well not be in NYC anymore.

This particular Chase’s 7th ave entrance has an incredibly heavy glass door. The architect, contractor, and construction workers all must have been stoned together for the entire time they worked on this building because the door swings outward onto the sharp corner. The geniuses also constructed the wall on 53rd so that someone rounding the corner has no way of knowing the door exists just around the bend. (5 points to anyone who sang the word “river” after the tail end of that sentence)

Here is the devilish door: 

I have knowledge of the existence of this door, and also it’s extreme heft. On more than one occasion, Jason has had to help my struggling body as I try to exit the ATM bay onto the street. Every morning I round this corner. And every morning, I make it to work unscathed. Until that day.   I was minding my own business, not thrilled to be having to go to work on this beautiful morning, but enjoying my time outside during my walk to the fiery pits of hell I felt I could call my second home. Suddenly - BAM, my head felt as though I had just walked into a very heavy, very fast-moving glass door. Oh, wait - I just had. The muscular man over a foot taller than me and at least a hundred pounds heavier than me had done what I had believed to be impossible. He one-handedly swung open the door with the ease of the Taco Bell Chihuahua moving through a mesh doggie-door. And I had walked straight into it.

I walked the rest of the way to work, without incident, though shaken and slightly upset that the man had barely glanced at me as he gave me what felt like a distant relative to a broken nose. With more-than-human strength, comes certain responsibility. This man clearly missed Uncle Ben’s memo? 

Yah, that happened.