#blf

Niamour: A butch attracted to other butches [blb].

Inamour: A butch attracted to femmes [blf].

Viamour: A femme attracted to butches [flb].

The names come from different colours representative of femmes and butches, combined with l’amour, French for love. 

Rosamour = rose [pink] - symbolic of queer femininity.

Niamour = niebieski [Polish for blue] - symbolic of queer masculinity.

Inamour = indigo - a queer colour, as well as pink and blue mixed together, while more on the blue side (representing the inamour person).

Viamour = violet - a queer colour, as well as pink and blue mixed together, while more on the pink side (representing the viamour person).

Butch and femme are not terms exclusive to lesbians or sapphic people! These terms are non-sapphic butch & femme inclusive.

“We make kids disappear” - I.C.E.

Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three / Chapter Four

A/N: This chapter is long and I swear the keep reading feature doesnt work whenever I try to use it so here’s the ao3 link ( X )

Chapter Five

The room at the top of the stairs was still and quiet where the only disturbances were wisps of grey smoke from a dying fire that weaved through the air and the dimming light of an oil lamp beside an open book left unread.

Jamie had taken to reading the bible every morning the way his father, Brian had done. Words of wisdom had fortified him through every trial that crossed the threshold of their home, guided him to care for his family the way the Lord saw fit and gave him the strength to continue onwards to a new day despite the pieces of his heart loss to in the depths of the earth. Again and crushingly again. Jamie had taken solace in the weathered pages of scripture himself, hoping that it would instill in him the ways to be like his father.

But today, this morning, once again, Jamie's thoughts turned not to his duties, but to a woman. A Sassenach.

The sense of need to have Claire's touch upon him baffled Jamie and thrilled him all at once. They were sparks of a feeling he had felt when he first saw Claire, an unearthly thing walking towards him from stories of old through the green bush and trees that split the grim sky with sun. Jamie had felt a flutter of warmth from somewhere unknown deep inside at the sight of her, but then -

Then he was nearly impaled by her just moments after meeting and Jamie realized it was trouble of bodily harm his body was warning him of. At least that's what he had told himself through the pain and humiliation at her feet.

Jamie passed his palms over his face, straight through his hair in raked dishevelment, with a throaty groan that bellowed loudly from his mouth. What was the use of mulling over a daft Sassenach, anyhow?

He closed the good book and walked over to the vanity, taking stock of his features and finding himself agreeable, Jamie headed for below wanting to fill his stomach rather than his head of anymore nonsense. He trampled down the stairs three steps at a time, making a racket with each landing as he swerved towards the enticingly sweet aromas from the kitchen making his stomach, already twisting with hunger, roar in anticipation of a hearty meal to start his day.

There was Jenny - only a week since their reconciliation and ever-present now but still a surprise so early in the morning - in her dark green homespun and stirring a pot of parritch with Mrs. Fitz close beside her, tasting the thick concoction. With their backs to him Jamie began devising a plan on how best to snatch a piece of bannocks - sitting on the table tempting him to thievery - when the older woman voiced her awareness of his presence.

"Jamie lad, ye wouldna be eye'n those bannocks now would ye?"

"Never in life, Mrs. Fitz." Jamie walked to the sweet statured woman and gave her a lofty kiss on the cheek and then another to the top of his sister's head of smooth black hair done up in twirl of bun that smelled of roses like their mother.

"Just came to see if you ladies needed assistance." They huffed at that but Mrs. Fitz gave Jamie a nod to stuff his mouth with a single helping of bread, but not to test his luck or her good nature with a second.

"Brought ye some jars of honey there on the table - a good batch too. The bees have been gorgin' 'emselves on lavender and wild flowers makin' that honey there taste like beauty itself. "The jar was already in Jamie's hand, the cloth lining acing as a lid set aside with bread ready for dipping when Jenny piped up from her place at the stove.

"Where did yer granddaughter get to, Mrs. Fitz?" Jamie's hand froze midair as he looked over at Jenny whose back was innocently turned away from him, surely over stirring the porridge to a paste.

"My Laoghaire surprised me this mornin'." Mrs. Fitz informed Jamie when she saw his confused face. "Said she wanted to bring me a bit o' sunshine." She then pointed to the large bundle of bright colored flowers gracing the windowsill. "I'll fetch her to say her regards. Lass is probably oot the door seein' to yer beasties she's sae fond of."

"No ye dinna have to -" Jamie stammered out but the older woman was already out the back door in a sweep of her voluminous skirts and a hand to her mouth with a holler carried into the air.

"Did ye ask the lass to come?" Jamie casually asked while wiping his hands of crumbs along his breeks. He didn't want to have this conversation, one where the Fraser temperament could brew quick to a boil between the two of them.

"No, just a warning to ye braithair. But my opinion of her is the same." Jenny said with the same strive for calm as Jamie while turning his way. "Laoghaire thinks the world of ye, Jamie. Wants to make ye a home, give ye children, be a wife for ye.Yers. Don't ye want that?" Jenny reached for her brother, truly wanting to know what it was he wanted if not a wife.

"Jenny, ye ken what a woman says to her ardent lover, or in this case his sister, should be written in wind and running water." Jamie recited a verse from his youth hoping to elicit a laugh from Jenny and end the discussion. Instead he only provoked her, her nails digging deep in his arm causing him to jerk in her grasp with an, Ifrinn, passed through his teeth.

"Aye, make jokes Jamie. Ye won't listen to me ye'd rather be off rolling in the heather with the Sassenach wouldn't ye?" Jamie tensed under her hands.

“Are ye accusing me of taking Claire to bed, Janet?” Jamie's gaze flashed a disturbance that darkened the blue of his eyes and what Jenny couldn't believe was that it was over the Sassenach.

“Claire now is it?"Jenny eyed her brother sharply. "Ye ken what folk say about her, Jamie? About the two of ye?" Jamie tried to move away from her, not wanting to hear anymore, but his sister was latched on tight, slight as she was.

"I kept quiet when ye brought her here, the woman being a fine healer and all, but lately brathair, yer heids been in the clouds. Ye used to avoid the lass and now from what I hear ye've taken to going to her home at all hours of the day."Jenny spoke accusingly. "I dinna ken if yer doing this to spite me or if my clotheid of a brother has lost his heart to a Sassenach."

Jamie stayed quiet for a moment, his features hooded from inquiry no matter the penetrative stare that sought to see the truth in his eyes.

“She's a widow who needs help from time to time with me the only one to provide and whenever I leave her presence it's with half the hair I started wi' if I'm lucky. Say what ye want about me, ye do often enough, but don't go tarnishing a good woman's reputation, Janet based on gossip. She hasna earned yer scorn only yer respect."

Jenny let out a sigh of resignation, a long winded one too since Jamie didn't address her last comment.

"I apologize to ye, brathair. Ye have enough on yer shoulders and now I'm only adding to it."

Jamie gave his sister a gentle shake of her shoulders. "Ye are as any sister brings. But trust me to know my own heart and to respect my choices. I'm fine as I am without need for a wife."

Needing one last jab as sisters do, Jenny's lips curled up into an impish grin. “Weel, tell that to Grannie MacNab. She's been eyen' ye since ye turned sixteen.”

"Grannie McNabb changed my nappies." Jamie grimaced with a shudder but happy her mood had shifted to teasing him.

"Aye, so she has first call on ye." Jenny replied back with a laugh that only intensified as her brother pinched at her.

Then from the doorway Mrs. Fitz popped her head in with a call. "The stramash done wi' then, dearies?"

_____

As Jamie walked outside his lungs filled not with the fresh morning breeze of pine and grass but with the unmistakable stench of shit.

"Ifrinn!"

Repulsed by whatever creature tainted his doorway, Jamie bent over to check his boots of excrement when he heard someone clear their throat.

Jamie looked up to see the young lass with smooth moonbeam hair and rosy cheeks beaming at him with want and expectation that reached her pale blue gaze directed solely at him. He gulped nervously at the attention.

“Good mornin' to ye, Jamie.” Laoghaire chirped, interrupting thoughts of brotherly vengeance. She was surrounded by two slop mouthed heathens disguised as dogs, Elphin and Bran, that were pawing at her and inhibiting her from walking more then a few steps.

"Sheas, mo lùghdaich!" Jamie commanded and the two hounds settled down but stayed at her skirts with tails whipping madly in anticipation of a treat.

"It's fine, Jamie. My own fault for feeding them sweeties." Laoghaire patted their heads affectionately leaving them to whine at not being rewarded with food. "I was just on my way back home, mam will get fashed thinkin' I've been dragged away by redcoats." She took a step closer to him nearly tripping over the dogs. "Would ye walk wi' me Jamie, to see me safe?" Laoghaire asked shyly.

While there had only been a few occasions for the patrol to pass on Jamie's lands and even then only on the outskirts, he wasn't willing to risk the young girls safety for the inconvenience of it.

“Aye, if I must," he replied reluctantly. "I'm the reason ye came, I wont be the reason for any damage to come yer way.” Laoghaire felt her cheeks stain an ugly shade of red that he had seen through her carefully laid plan and simply nodded her head, chewing her lower lip, in thanks.

____

It was uneasy walking with Laoghaire. She would sneak looks at Jamie, opening her mouth to speak only to falter that had her looking like a gaping trout and she was fiddling with her fingers, twisting them to the point that Jamie was sure they'd snap off. So to ease the awkwardness Jamie brought up conversation of the animals that she was so fond of. He recalled when they were younger how Laoghaire tried to hide a rabbit in her bonnet, becoming frustrated when the wee thing tried to escape.

"I'd never seen someone get so angry wi' such a wee fluff. You nearly smothered the puir thing to death." Jamie was howling loudly that choked harshly in his throat when he saw her face downcast in sadness. Laoghaire kindly reminded him that she was hiding the rabbit from her father's blade and had been desperate to save the animal she had grown so fond of. Jamie laid a hand to her shoulder with a gentle squeeze and apologised for his thoughtless remark. Laoghaire glanced at his hand, innocent in gesture but lingering enough to encourage a warmth to spread across her being, she had barely brushed her finger tips against his knuckles, rough and dusted with copper, when he pulled away.

Flustered with a hitch in her voice, Laoghaire asked if Jamie remembered how he hid the rabbit in his father's barn for her, where the animal nibbled at the hay and stolen carrots from his mother's garden. Jamie screwed his brows trying to capture the image that was nothing but a wispy haze of Laoghaire's puffed cheeks and the thumping legs of the rabbit trying to break free from her embrace. She pressed Jamie further, reminding him how he wiped her tears away with the corners of his sleeve, giving his oath of protection as future laird to the little soul that nuzzled at their hands.

Jamie shook his head, the memory lost to him.

He quickly spoke of their common interest in horses, finding safe ground to talk one another without fear. Once she had calmed Jamie found Laoghaire to be pleasant and discovered she had a mind outside of her interest in him that held a keen eye for farmlife. He began to see why his sister was convinced she would do him well.

Jamie could almost imagine the life that was beginning to paint itself before him. A caring wife who would tend to his every need with a kiss in the morning and whatever he pleased at night. Where conversation would revolve around pleasantries and horses...dogs…

Yes, Laoghaire was likable, more then Jamie thought she would be, but that was the extent of his feelings. Not like the bewilderment of emotions causing him havoc of late that Jamie had belittled and wished would pass. But his walk with Laoghaire made him realize he had to see Claire, to get himself sorted of whatever she had awakened in him that was fast becoming an affliction.

They came upon her home, a tidy wee thing, when Laoghaire asked, while threading her fingers through her hair that danced lovely on the wind, "Would ye like to come in?"

"No' today lass, there's something that needs my attention that I must see to."

"Maybe I could help ye." She timidly layed her hand on his arm feeling the strong breadth of him that tensed beneath her touch. Her smile was hopeful, pleading.

Puir lass. Jamie thought as he gave her hand a soft tap before removing it. "Tis no concern of yers but thank ye for the walk it did me some good." His word of gratitude sent Laoghaire's heart soaring as if he called her a beauty he could not live without. But as they said their goodbyes, Laoghaire watched the man she had dreamed of calling hers walk towards the thicket of trees where there was only a single path with one destination at it's end. The flicker in her heart, that surged with love burned to ash that scattered to blacken her sky.

_____

Jamie came to the clearing where Claire's little cottage stood, with a roof that tilted slightly to one side no matter how many times he took his hammer to it. Smoke from the chimney signaled she was home and Jamie found himself quickening his stride in anticipation of seeing her hawkeyes that could all at once cut a man down to his shins and whisk him to the highest peaks with joy.

He wondered how her gaze would fall on him now. More often than not it held an annoyance and amusement at his own expense and a smugness that knew no bounds, chin proudly held high. Though the last Jamie saw her, a genuine kindness had enveloped Claire's features, softened her in a way that had never been extended to him.

Jamie wondered if those eyes would reflect the look his own shone now. A curious eagerness to know a person in all ways.

"I've been bewitched and I don't half mind." The realization and acceptance was oddly soothing to him.

Before Jamie could knock on the door he could hear her voice beyond carried in the breeze, following it he found Claire on her knees in the dirt with a small pile of uprooted plants in a basket at her side. If they were weeds or the wee bit of greens she was accustomed to eating (like a coo? Jamie had questioned once before and received his first blithering arse if memory served him right.) he did not know. What caught his attention however, was the fact that Claire was having a conversation with her greenery and verra cross with them by the sound of it.

“Oh, you filthy little beasts feeding on poor Tom," Claire hissed as she took her hand shovel to the slugs, ending their feast in the most satisfactory way judging by the extra swivel of the wrist she gave to the slimy pests.

Well, if his mind was truly gone he'd be in good company.

Jamie leaned forward against the wooden fence that he himself had put up, careful of splinters that still gave his fingertips a stinging twinge.

"Ye give yer bitty greens names, Sassenach?" Jamie asked, causing Claire to let out a yelp and snap the stalk of her plant in half.

"Did ye just murder poor Tom?" Jamie was in pure enjoyment. Too much, Claire noted with a deepening scowl once she turned to see his face shining with delight.

"It's Tormentil you sneak and he has a fleet of brothers and sisters to mourn him because of you." Claire tossed the mangled plant directly at his idiotic grin that he dodged with a tilt of his head.

"If that's the case I offer my apologies to the late Mr. Tormentil." Jamie then gave a courtly bow to the deceased at his boots and despite herself, much to her amusement as she hid whatever was blooming at her lips with a roll of her eyes.

"You are an arse." She stood, dusting the dirt off her skirts.

"Arse is it?" Jamie lifted a ruddy brow with a smile still tugging at the corners. "I thought ye regarded me as yer friend?"

"Which I'm now sorely regretting." Claire crossed over to the other side of the fence, basket in hand, while surveying Jamie's person. His demeanor was usually that of a brooding mule whenever he found himself within range of her. Now however, there was a lightness of spirit about him that smoothed the lines of strain etched in the skin across his face. He looked almost happy here with her. But, Claire reminded herself, there was only ever one reason that Jamie would choose to seek her out.

"What brings you here anyway?" She put a finger to her chin, tapping it in mock contemplation. "Did Donas finally kick you in the rear?" Claire leaned over to see the appendage in question only for Jamie to sidestep himself from her wandering eyes into the railings.

“My arse is fine. For now." Claire's eyes narrowed at Jamie's emphasis and wondered how much more weight the fence needed before giving out.

"I just came by to risk it and thank ye for yer guidance. I spoke to my sister and - weel, I'm verra happy and indebted to ye, Sassenach."

"That's wonderful!" Claire beamed, reaching for his forearm before a hasty retreat to the back of her nape. “I'm happy for you, truly so. But you don't owe me a thing, I'm only glad that I didn't overstep my place."

Eyes pinned at her hand in admitted regret for lost of touch Jamie replied with a shake of his head. "Nay, for once yer opinion was welcomed. Even with Laoghaire in a way."

"Laoghaire? Did she give up one you then?" Claire asked, mildly curious .

"No' exactly. She came to me just this morning and I walked her home. Twas pleasant." A lopsided grin formed as to why it was so. "I used to think she was empty heided when I was a lad but there's more to her than I gave her credit for."

"Do you plan on announcing the engagement on quarter day then, Mr. Fraser?" Claire asked, her tone sharp when she had meant for a tease that caused a puzzlement at Jamie's countenance.

"No, I don't." He stated firmly and more so as he continued. "And call me Jamie. Ye did the other day and I found it verra fine.”

With a smile shy, that Jamie didn't know she was capable of she did. "Alright, Jamie then." Saying his name aloud gave them both a pleasant shiver. "I suppose I should reciprocate and have you call me Claire.”

“I thought ye liked Sassenach."

"Not always. Some here spit it like the insult it is." Seeing Jamie's expression to press her for names she added only a few. "But I don't mind it from you. It's what you called me from the first."

"Och, you were always a Sassenach to me, accent or no."

And that was the truth as Jamie recalled that day of shoveling hay, how at first sight of her the cloak she wore had been dirtied at the hem, her dress of heather fraying at the edges and her only bag, a scanty thing worse for wear. Even her hair of richly earth was a mads of frazzled curls pulled loose in a bun to match her state. Yet it had laid like a fairy crown atop her head, with the tendrils framing her face like ivory, fine and smooth, and Jamie couldn't quite focus when she reached him from her realm of trees and asked his name.

Her voice was serious, with eyes weary. She had obviously been on her feet for some time and had no time for idleness. Made more clearer by the hand at her waist, the the line of lips. Jamie had given his name with a bow of service to her needs.

Her whole being relaxed in relief that spread to every point of her in happiness, in a smile wide in radiance and James Fraser felt as if she had kissed him on the spot.

“I have been in search of you, Mr. Fraser. I hear you are in need of someone with my talents.” Claire pressed forward a hand out to him, a gesture he found odd for a woman that only suited get more.

“Have ye now, Sassenach?" And then Jamie remembered how he closed the gap between them and when his footing had taken a slip, hidden slickness under the hay…

"Next I find myself on the ground covered in mud wi' a broken foot and you hovering above me calling me a clumsy oof." Jamie tapped the tip of his foot to the ground, wincing at the memory.

“You're still an oof if you blame me for your clumsiness and it was a mild strain you child.” Claire circled her eyes in a scoff for a second time with him and if they kept on she was sure to near the record of an eyesore five.

"If I recall right ye tried to gut me too."

Claire was now at the spinning round of three as Jamie poked his middle in a stabbing motion.

"I was trying to help you!"

"With a pitchfork?!"

Claire had grabbed the pitchfork that he was holding on to as he was falling to help him balance but the pronged ends had spun around to face him and... well...at least she missed.

Claire gave him a sheepish look coupled with a shrug, as Jamie gave in to a slight chuckle at the moment that sealed their fate of ill luck with one another.

"You looked like a piglet you know, head to toe covered in filth." Claire tipped her basket at his leg and he gave it a gentle knee back to her.

"Did I? Fit for the pin I s'pose."

"You'd be in good company with your sow unless she tried to nip you again and -" Further words died in the air as realization hit her.

“Again? What do ye mean..?” Slowly Claire felt herself flushing red from face to neck that grew to a purple, followed by the most joyous laughter she hadn't felt in ages. Jamie's nostrils flared, his own shade matching hers for an entirely different reason.

“Was it Rabbie?" Jamie asked, knowing the answer already despite Claire's denial of him doing so. But who else had a mouth that never ceased to close.

That lad!

"Well dinna get too smug, Sassenach, he had an awful lot to say 'bout ye.” Jamie warned in increasing irritation.

"Like what?" The words came out in squeaks as Claire tried to compose herself. She was completely unconvinced of his threat.

Jamie racked his brain, searching for fault that he hadn't already thrown her way. The worst Rabbie had ever revealed to him was how Claire had a habit of humming to herself, something about the sea he had said. Jamie was left to answer with the only dirt he had on her.

"Nothin' so fair daft as you carrying on with yer Mr. Tom."

But he should of known better than to insult a gardners plants that were equal to flesh.

Claire went for a swipe at Jamie's head with her basket, along with the contents of prickly plants and a single turnip that distracted his vision (particularly the turnip). So she swung back again swearing better aim, only to be caught by her slight wrist high in the air, the basket falling from her grasp and her tumbling straight to Jamie's chest. Hard lines of taut muscle pressed against the soft curves of her breast and hips with every heaving breath that brushed against their faces, mere inches apart.

Claire willed her body to pull away but defiant it stayed as his did to hers, so with a voice faint and high she barely managed a weakly plea.

“Mr. Fraser -”

“Jamie." He reminded in so low a timbre that carried across Claire's skin to glow a rosy hue. Jamie reached tentatively for her face, his fingertips grazing her neck as he thumbed away a smudge at her chin that tugged at her lips, parted just as his. It trailed up to rest at her cheek where he looked rather fondly at her.

"Did ye always have freckles, Sassenach?" But more than that Jamie noticed the fine arch of her brow, how her eyes had flecks of captured sun in them, and how the blush that warmed his palm was now mirrored in the curve of her breasts.

"No, they were licked on by a coo." Claire meant to mock Jamie's accent, a sure way she thought to break whatever tangled them together, but his eyes continued to dart over her features, as her own did the same. To every small nick she had never noticed before, to the stray leafs caught in those fiery locks where underneath laid the bloom of a bump and then the color of his eyes bluer then any wonder she had ever seen that brewed such a sudden tenderness that was Claire's final undoing.

Claire pushed away, her mind snapping back to where the sky above was grey even as her heart was still beating to a maddening hymn. Looking down she saw why as their hands were still intwined, gently enough for her to sever, gently enough that she was strangely hesitant to do so.

"Will ye come to Lallybroch for tea, Sassenach?" The voice that interrupted her thoughts was strained as if he hadn't spoken for centuries but the earnest intent was clear to her.

"Why?" Claire asked breaking the contact fully now as she wrapped her arms around her middle.

"Friends speak to one another 'bout their days joys and grievances." Jamie answered perplexed. He had been encouraged by her reaction to him but now..

"What if I don't want to share a thing?" She pressed.

"Then come to tea anyways where I'll do all the talking. I shall regale ye of all the Scottish tales yer English upbringing is lacking."

"And where do we go from there?"

"If ye find me agreeable then maybe ye can invite me for a walk to forage for yer wee herbs where you can judge my intelligence. I suspect ye'd like that greatly, Sassenach." She bit her lip, trying to contain the crack of a smile that he spurred which only encouraged Jamie to give her more honesty.

"I would like to know you, Claire Beauchamp and I'd like for ye to know me as well."

"What if I'm not ready for tea today or even in a week?"

"Then I will have to do without. I'm a very patient man when properly motivated." The choice was hers to make. To press the friendship that she herself had given name to forward. But a deep rooted doubt that had plagued her mind since what seemed like always took hold like weeds, numerous and unrelenting, reminding her of what had always been her downfall.

"I take no offense if ye rather not, Claire." Jamie said as he observed the shade of doubt cripple her face. "Dinna feel I'm forcing ye as laird to accept."

"I didn't think you were it's just - shouldn't it be storming hail and thunder with you falling in a bush of nettles cursing me to the devil who created me?" She half laughed at the absurdity of her words but to them it was a reality and a common one at that. Even so Claire's hold of her waist slackened as Jamie with the lightest of touches, reached out to hers.

"I've wondered that myself but here we are limbs and all and the only thing at risk is a bit of our pride." He stroked the scar at her open palm with a soft press of his thumb as calloused as it was.

"Lets stop expecting the worse of each other, Claire. The last time we did is still wi' me and is the reason I want to know ye. Besides I already stepped in shit, independent from seeing ye today, maybe our misfortunes are in our past." He attempted what she could only surmise was a wink in the most peculiar of ways that brought the shine back to her face and him feeling a surprising joy at being able to do so.

Claire shook her head, more at herself for the foolishness that was enveloping her and gave Jamie a squeeze of palm in decision.

"You are a most ridiculous man, James Fraser. Yes, I will have tea with you."

--------

A/N: What a woman says to her ardent lover should be written in wind and running water, is a line from a movie I love that ended up being from Cattalus. So a happy accident here.

And....

Outlander at the stroke of midnight!!!