#blarvin

JEJSUDDU okay I’ll put that up while I look for some angst

Please note that this is old as frick and very OOC as this was when I still thought DS Blue was actually a Bastard

- JR has a super high tech microwave in the main lounge room (or the one the Dream usually uses).

- One day Blue comes across it during one of his break ins and goes “Hmm. I should try it out.” Because boredom and plot

- Thirty minutes later Dream comes in and “Wha-who-why-what the hell?”

- On the table there’s a bunch of microwavable meals (easy mac, cup noodles, kid cuisine, instant potatoes, etc) all heated up, but the microwave is gOnE. The food is the only sign Blue was there but whY wOuLd He StEaL a MiCrOwAvE tHaTs RiDiCuLoUs

- Blue would find a way to inconspicuously take that microwave everywhere. Because he’s decided that it’s the best thing since cup noodles and microwave s’mores.

- And if anybody says anything condescending about his microwave-well he’ll probably send them little microwaved monsters and Barbie dolls. Because his microwave is beautiful and must be loved by all.

- By ‘microwave monsters’ I mean terrifying amalgamations of plastic items that once had their own shapes and pleasing colors, now melted and mangled into whatever Blue’s messed-up mind could conjure. And he’s REALLY messed up, so. You’ve been warned.

- Somehow it never occurs to Dream that Blue stole the microwave. Maybe because Blue used to talk down about them, saying that it’s much healthier and more fun to cook stuff with your own skills yada yada yada. Now tho Blue just talks shit about the cheap microwaves.

- He’d probably name the microwave Marvin or Mavis or something like that.

- Blue religiously cleans Marvin every week. He refuses to let it get covered in dust and blood-I mEaN food. And normal, non-monster dust. YeAh.

- Ok, fine. If the melted Barbie dolls don’t convince you to respect the Microwave of Destiny, then your obviously a lost cause. Blue WILL frame you for murder, cuz he knows he’ll never get caught. But you will ;)

- Or he’ll make you do him “a favor” that ends in you getting run over by a train or something. Whatever’s easiest or more entertaining.

- Speaking of entertainment, you know how certain soap bars do weird shit in the microwave? He likes to do that. It’s just so weird HOW DOES IT DO THAT that’s so cool—Also popcorn

- Blue would totally play with the clock settings on Marvin just to hear the beeping sounds it makes.

- Blue is ADHD confirmed-

- Oh and. Just to be sure he doesn’t accidentally do something stupid, Blue got rid of any and all metal silverware he owned. Now he uses plastic cutlery.

- The Meme Squad would eventually find out about Marvin, and Cross and Nightmare would make it a habit to send Blue metal things with notes like “For Marvin, with love <3” while Error’s like “9uy5 570p h3’5 901n9 70 k1ll u5”

- But as long as they don’t actually mess with Marvin it’s fi-WHO THE FRESH HECK TOUCHED MY MICROWAVE YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO HIDE

- Seriously though, he K N O W S when people touch his microwave. It doesn’t matter if he sees you committing the crime, he just. Knows. And he keeps track of everyone who’s seen Marvin in the past 48+ hours so he knows e x a c t l y who touched his baby.

- All he has to do is find you. Then? Screw manipulation and framing, he’ll kill you himself. With extreme prejudice. You do N O T touch Marvin unless you want to die.

- One day Ink decides to sneak into Blue’s house and test that theory, but Blue walks into the kitchen where Marvin’s little throne-alter is with Ink’s finger just millimeters away from the microwave and Blue’s like “Uh. Excuse me sir. That’s my microwave. Do you wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? Because if you move any closer to Mar-my microwave ima hafta diddly darn snap your neck.”

- Ink moves a bit closer, still not touching it and Blue just about loses his shit. “DiD yOu HaS a DuMb I sAiD nO tOuCh-”

- * t o u c h *

- *Loud angry noises and blood-curdling screams.*

- Ink was never the same again. He developed an irrational fear of fancy expensive microwaves.

- Dream is still clueless because he has more important things to do than look for a darn microwave.

- Blue busts in like “DREAM I HEAR U BE TALKIN CRAP ABOUT MY MICROWAVE?!?”

- At some point Cross gets the bright idea of putting aluminum foil in Blue’s microwave, but first he shapes it into something. I’ll leave that part up to you guys, but he opens the microwave with gloves on because he thinks that maybe Blue has a problem with finger prints-

- This is like the one time Blue leaves Marvin home and he gets back and screams in horror when he sees the dry-erase marker graffiti and the metallic atrocity sitting inside Marvin- “Marvin who did this to you I’lL mAkE tHeM pAy I’m so sorry I left you home I’ll never do it again TwT” he says as he cuddles the appliance.

- Cross totally left a camera hidden in Blue’s kitchen, by the way. So the Meme Squad now has rare and valuable footage of Blue freaking out over a microwave. And hugging it. Wtf.

- Ink finds the video and has a PTSD attack (because Blue f🤬ed him up for touching Marvin). He casually hands the USB to Dream before noping the heck outta there so he doesn’t have to see it again

- But, thanks to Error and his madjik hacking (he hacks right?), the USB has a virus in it that allows the Meme Squad to watch people through the cameras on their computers. So now they know Ink has a microwave phobia. And they get to watch Dream realize so many things.

- When Blue finds out who messed with his precious microwave he’s gonna start the M-Event—the X-Event except powered by his weird obsession with a fricken microwave

- Remind me who’s idea this was—at this point I’m just writing down whatever weird shit I can think of. Your welcome Silver

- Blue gets a shirt that says “I ❤️ my microwave” with a picture of one of Marvin’s brothers or sisters on it because goddamn it he loves Marvin. It was probably sent by Marvin’s creator (the microwave company that made Marvin) for advertising purposes. Even if Blue’s ‘love’ isn’t quite what they were going for.

“Marvin-Senpai~”

- Blue will proudly show you Marvin if you ask but don’t try to test it. Just... compliment the object. He will be very pleased with you and he won’t send you melted Barbie dolls. Unless you want him to, but he doesn’t do favors so don’t bother asking.

- There’s a 50% chance that Blue would rig Marvin to be able to call 911. Just for the fun of it. But that might ruined it so there’s a 50% chance he’d buy a cheap microwave for that and name it Mavis. Afterwards though he’d sell it to some weirdo on the streets, or drop it off at the Meme House because he has developed an odd respect for all microwaves, even if he has eye sockets for Marvin only. Even if Mavis was a decent kitchen appliance/source of radiation.

Blarvin: The Remaster