#blanket trigger warning

instead i'm the one that made themselves throw up every meal for a year and then fucking scar themselves for life 

i mean i'm not even that clever

i'm good at telling stories but academically i'm slightly above average

and i don't have enough vindication for a career path

i mean what the fuck am i going to do with an arts degree

once i'm done with this fucking school that is

urgh

and i'm not really as pretty as people think i am

i'm certainly not thin

though ironically i'm thinner than i was when i wouldn't eat for three days at a time

idek man

i have awful skin

even if it cleared up it would still be scarred to fuck

and i hate my jawline

fucking hate it

and the more i type this out the more i realise i sound like one of those vapid girls i swore i'd never become

but i wonder how much of it was really vapidness and how much was just internalised hatred

i can't burden my family with my problems

it's just not fair on them

and i cost so much to keep

i should work harder

oh fuck my work uniform shows my forearms

fuck

i didn't think about that

huh

better get prepared for a lot of questions

but most of all i'm pissed i won't be able to wear that suit i made for a while until i'm healed enough to feel comfortable showing my skin again