More on being nonbinary
I have joined some communities since coming to this conclusion and they have made me feel more confident in my thoughts and feelings.
After doing some research I can say that I believe that I am a nonbinary trans masc. I know this can be defined differently from person to person so for me I’d say I feel like I can go between feeling masculine and feminine but I feel that I lean more toward masculine majority of the time. Sometimes I feel like I do feel like neither and I’m just here existing.
For me, I’ve noticed discovering this has been more emotional for me than coming to the conclusion I have adhd. I think it’s because this has the potential to drastically change my life. If it does I’m pretty sure it will be for the better but still change is scary.
While discovering adhd is more of an ah I understand and I can work to work with this being nonbinary is more like time to begin the journey of acceptance, learning, and unlearning and I think it’s forcing me out of my comfort zone of putting myself last to appease others.
With this, I no longer wish to put myself last. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and be proud of who I am. This is going to be a long journey but it’s one I want to take being scared and all.
I told my boyfriend of… wow 8 years yesterday and while he’s not entirely surprised he said that he needs time to process. It was hard for me to do it so it was nice to hear that he accepts me for who I am and loves me no matter what. Tho this still may change things in our relationship and I’ve decided I’ll be ok with whatever happens.
As far as pronouns idk yet I say for now I’m ok with any and all this may change later.
As far as my appearance I already dress sort of masculine but I want to fully commit now and I was thinking of also getting a binder but I have a big chest (44 F) so idk what would be a good one for me. If anyone has any suggestions I am open to hearing them.
This self-discovery journey of mine has been very eye-opening, emotional, draining, overwhelming, stressful, and reassuring. I’m learning so much about myself and realizing I’m not lazy, crazy, or dumb and there is a reason for my experiences and they are valid just like my feelings.
From learning about adhd, the trauma that I’ve been in denial about (more on that later), and identifying as nonbinary this has been a wild transformative few months. I am very curious to find out more about myself.
