:to feel sad or sorry about (something that you did or did not do) : to have regrets about (something)
My friends performed. Jenny is also a member but i don’t acknowledge her as a friend rather of a classmate.
My day is awful. First, I had to endure the pain in my tummy because of diarrhea. To attend the nonsense art area which is held by our fvcking adviser.
We had an awarding earlier at 1 pm at the Tanghalan. Majority of my friends joined the said contest and won, first, second, third. Two of them was chosen as the representative for Division of Talent, while me sitting in the bench, listening to them loudly cheer for each other, bitterly accepting the defeat. I could have stand a chance, I should have went to school. I should have joined the competition. But i let the fucking diarrhea be the barrier of my 50% chance of success.
I could have won. Maybe I’m confidently accepting the award and walking faced stood up, happy and satisfied by the results. Making my parents and friends proud.
I saw Jenny walking on the side of the stage looking at me. I smiled at her weakly. I am in pain and she know that, hiding my heart break. Wanting to cry. Wanting to shout. Wanting to rant. Wanting to ran away. Wanting to bring back yesterday. Wanting to achieve. Wanting not to regret.
I don’t have an idea why it was always her. She’s the great. She’s the chosen one. She’s the smart ass kid who always compete and win, and I sitting in the bench watching her success. Was it god given talent? What can I do? I am a frustrated actor who wants to be the center of attraction, persuing my chosen strand. Wanting to be successful. Am i not good enough? I am down, as usual.
I should better luck next time. If there’s a chance left.