@bittenboy continued,
trust. a tricky, stupid thing. something that you’re still working on. something you’ll probably be working on forever. but you do trust him. of course you do. it’s you that’s the problem here. one day you’re going to lose your temper and say something that you can’t take back. you’ve never known how to keep your anger in and it’s always finding a way to slip through the tight grip you have on it. it’s usually with a fist to a surface or words as knives. so when you tell him that you’re scared to lose him it’s not because of him but because isaac has had enough violence for one lifetime and you don’t trust yourself.
❝ i know. fuck. ❞ if there’s one thing you know how to do it’s speak every single thought that comes to mind. but you’re standing across from the man that you love, the man that’s telling you that he loves you and that he’s not going anywhere and everything shuts off. you’re frustrated and you feel anger building up. fists squeezing tight together like you’re trying to grip onto that anger so you don’t tell him something that you know will devastate him while self destructing.
❝ i trust you. ❞ it’s all you can say right now and you’re rubbing the back of your neck with frustration. ❝ i trust you, isaac. i trust you and i trust scott and that’s really all the trust i have in me. like fuck -- i get it. but i’m never --- i’m never gonna be the guy that isn’t waiting for you to leave. ❞ chewing on the inside of your cheek and eyes finally look to him. your anger and his anger are familiar with each other. it’s the same but so different at the same time.
you sigh, communication sucks. ❝ and before you start giving me that firm and angry isaac voice again it’s not because of you. it’s because of me. and yeah -- i’m fully aware that doesn’t make any sense. ❞ you just don’t know where to go from here. how to explain what’s going on because even you don’t get it. so you take a deep breath and let your mouth take over as you always do. ❝ i trust you -- i just don’t trust me. and i’m scared to lose you because of me. of what i could do when i can’t even recognize myself, isaac. i keep pushing because --- my head is fucked up. ❞












