#bismethyst

It’s not fair.

For a moment, just a moment, Amethyst thought…

It doesn’t matter because Bismuth was here for a few measly days and now she’s gone.

It’s not fair.

Amethyst turns over on her pile, dislodging a defunct food processor and spike-studded axe. She can’t sleep. Because of… well.

That smirk, that hair, those arms...

And worst of all, like a song she can’t get out of her head: “Not every Quartz could make a whip like this.”

Typical, really, that Amethyst let herself feel like she might actually be something special, just this one time. That maybe it was really true her size didn’t mean she couldn’t be a real Quartz. That she wasn’t broken or defective or wrong.

It’s not fair.

She didn’t even trust Bismuth at first! For once, she was the smart Gem! She saw how their past together blinded Pearl and Garnet to what was happening… but then, like a fool, she let herself get duped.

At least she’s the best Gem at being stupid.

Amethyst sits up, because sleep is not going to happen right now. Maybe she could go bother Pearl, that always cheers her up. She’s been saving one of Pearl’s favorite swords that fell into her room a few weeks back for just such an occasion.

But then she remembers who made the sword in the first place.

Thinking about Pearl and Bismuth at the same time is dangerous, because, because…

Garnet is attractive, of course she is. But it’s so hard to permeate that cloud of nauseating self-love to even consider that she’d…

But Pearl, well. It’s been awhile since Rose left, even longer since Rose and Greg got together. And Amethyst had started to let herself… of course, she’d always admired Pearl. How could she not? The bauble-become-soldier, wise and fierce and strong. Frantic, sure, and so annoying sometimes Amethyst wants to poof herself just to get away… but, but. The elegant length of Pearl’s fingers. Her pretty blue blush. The entire way she moves herself, like the whole galaxy is catching its breath to watch her dance.

Bismuth is nothing like Pearl. She’s big and brawny and boisterous. She shapeshifts as easily as Amethyst, never hesitates to reach out and touch to show affection. In a fight, Bismuth knows her strength and uses it as deftly as Pearl uses her grace and precision.

Bismuth was nothing like Pearl. She was big and brawny and boisterous. Now all Bismuth is is in a bubble. She might as well be on Homeworld.

Is this all a part of Amethyst’s defectiveness? How could she think about Bismuth and Pearl in the same way when they were so fundamentally different?

Amethyst considers sleep again, but she can’t force it.

~*~

Amethyst always likes Vidalia best when she’s messy, so it’s a relief to find her painting in the garage.

“Maybe your type is just ‘rebel,’” Vidalia says when Amethyst is done explaining. “Or maybe they’re not as different as you think they are.”

Amethyst squirms. “I mean… yeah, you’re right, they’re not opposites or anything. It’s just, when I think about Pearl, I think about how I could fit my hands all the way around her and how easy it would be to pick her up and how much I like the way she moves. With Bismuth, I like how big she… was. I like how everything about her is big, really. Not just her physical form.”

Vidalia laughs. “Amethyst, you’re just bi.”

“What?”

“Bisexual. I mean, I guess Gems are all one gender? So not technically. But you know how I like all kinds of humans? Boys, girls, whatever.”

Human gender is so confusing, but Amethyst nods anyway.

“Well, I’m what the kids these days are calling ‘pansexual,’ I guess. Back in my day we just called anyone who wasn’t gay or straight bisexual. And, what Sour Cream tells me anyway, is that bi people just like different things about different genders.”

Amethyst blinks. Vidalia sighs, but in an affectionate sort of way.

“Have you ever met another pearl or another bismuth?”

“Not, I mean, not really. I’ve seen another pearl before, though.”

“And did you think she was cute?”

“I-- yeah, I guess.”

“Why?”

“Uh, same reason as Pearl. She was all… sharp and soft at the same time.”

“Now think about meeting another bismuth.”

“Okay.”

“Who was really into you.”

“Okay.”

“What do you think is cute about her?”

“I can’t stop thinking about her arms, mostly.”

Vidalia grins. “See? You just like different stuff about different Gems. It’s normal. You’re bigemsual.”

Amethyst groans, and the conversation turns to lighter matters.