#bird attacks

Something like that~

I'm not sure why birds don't seem to like me. Or maybe they like me too well. I get the worst of it from ducks in particular. I'll just be minding my business, executing my Czarly duties, when I'm swarmed by a gross of ducks! Even when I'm off duty, the noisome creatures still swarm me. I've tried six brands of bird repellent so far, each in three different strengths, but none does the business. I'd be inclined to say Milo Murphy is the cause of it, but this has happened even when he's far from me. I have even descended to addressing every superstition currently fashionable. Birds still swarm me, irrespective of the zodiac, irrespective of any chakras, irrespective of hauntings or lacks thereof, irrespective of sin, irrespective of thinking happy thoughts. Recently, in a state of most pitiable desperation, I have looked into evil science. I've seen evil scientists work miracles with their devices. The work of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz in particular has inspired me. He made devices (which he called -inators) for all sorts of mundane problems. It seems that every evil scientist must choose a special suffix to append to the names of their inventions. Dr. von Roddenstein has -izer, Doofenshmirtz had -inator, Dr. Diminutive has -erator. I'm wavering between -icator and -ifier. I have been writing out specifications for a Bird-Divert-icator (Bird-Divert-ifier? No, Bird-Divert-ificator! I choose -ificator! Why didn't it occur to me to combine those suffixes?) I know only a very little evil science, but I know just enough to know what I need to learn. By the same time next month, I should have a working prototype of the Bird-Divert-ificator! The only problem with dabbling in evil science is that I may attract unwanted attention. Why, then, am I calling attention to myself by posting on Tumblr? I'm not, really, since nobody reads this blog anyway. If I'm not hurting anyone by it, though, it can't really be called "evil", can it? I just want to keep birds off me.

with every passing moment i grow more fearful of mockingbirds

GAME OF THRONES returns tonight!

My sister was attacked on separate occasions by seagulls, swans, and geese before she was five.  It sounds funny, but trust me it was terrifying not only to her, but to my mother and I as we rushed to rescue her as it was happening.  There's a reason geese were used as an alarm system all over Europe for thousands of years.  When they spot an intruder, they make loud noises and attack.  Don't fuck with geese, Man.

sweet dreams lovelies!

Kitty Flanagan on magpie attacks, (x)