#birchtreedemon

It’s night again. I don’t remember the sun going down.

Bill is here.

Leaving my room is exhausting these days. It’s so much easier to just lie in bed with my eyes closed and...listen. Sense. Even if they’re not things I want to hear or feel. 

I’ve been so tired ever since he came.

I feel him in there, moving around. Changing things. Stretching out parts of my mind, or crushing them, or twisting them. I think there’s a method to it, a pattern that I can almost pick out, but...I lose it every time. It’s one of the things he doesn’t tell me about.

He talks to me. He tells me about the future, when he and I will end the world and everybody will bow down to him, or die. I hear him laughing. Sometimes he sings. On and on...for hours and hours...I wish I could sleep. But I can’t. Not until he lets me.

I feel him spreading like tree roots. Gnawing into me like a rat, or a snake that’s putting its poison in me. I feel something deep in my head burning and shriveling and then it’s gone. There’s an empty hole there, like a cavity in a tooth. 

It goes away when he fills it.

I lose hours at a time. I can’t tell if it’s because I forgot, or I wasn’t there. There are marks on my wall that I don’t remember. There’s a lot I don’t remember... I try and try to remember what it was like to be normal, what my life was before I came here, but I can’t...names, faces...people I used to know...times I was happy....they’re eaten away now. And replaced with other things...I don’t dream anymore, but I lie awake and watch endless snatches and flashes that don’t even feel like they’re mine. At least, I don’t think so...did we ever have a cat? I can’t remember...

I’m constantly tired. But not often hungry. He burns in me and I forget to eat. But then sometimes, when he dips deep and far away for just a little while, it all comes at once and I can’t stop.

The worst in when he makes me go deep. Locks me down there in the dark and pretends he’s me. I know he’s been around my friends like that. My family. And there’s nothing I can do, I just stay frozen in the dark and pray he doesn’t hurt them...I’m sorry--

...

Yes, Boss?

BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU! WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THAT HIDING YOU DO THESE DAYS, HM? I NEED YOU TO DO A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR ME.

...Yes?

C’MERE.

*whisper*

GOT IT?

I...

...

...what?

YOU HEARD ME. AND MAKE IT CONVINCING. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BECOME A LIABILITY TO ME.

Bill--

HEHEHE! C’MON, KID, HAVEN’T YOU BEEN DYING FOR AN EXCUSE TO GET BACK IN TOUCH? I JUST HANDED YOU YOUR CHANCE!

Bill-- please, I can’t--

THANK ME.

I...

...thank you...Bill...

GOOOOD. NOW GET OUT THERE AND HAVE YOUR FUN! DON’T YOU WORRY, I’VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU! 

Amorphous Shape was there now, hanging in the abyss. Invisible currents pulled at them, their form only loosely held together. The frayed being drifted slowly on a tide of their own despair, watching the fires of the un-dimension they’d exiled themself from glow through the haze of dreams.

Their aura was almost extinguished. They gave off no light, and no color except for a snow of grey blanketing them.

It had been so easy to fall back down again, to lose themself in their own craving for the person they used to be. No matter how abhorrent their own past was to them, some part of them would always want it back. Some part of them would always be inside like a parasite, saying, wouldn’t it be easier to let yourself go back to that life? Back to him?

And now...

...WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT? YOU LOST ON THIS FRONT. EVERYONE WHO MIGHT’VE EVER GOTTEN TO LIKE YOU HAS BEEN DRIVEN AWAY. THERE’S NOTHING HERE FOR YOU NOW.

The Shape shivered and turned away. Bill.

MORPHO. Bill’s eye crinkled in a smile. HEY. IT’S OKAY. YOU WERE ACTUALLY DOING PRETTY GOOD FOR A WHILE THERE, BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA LEARN A HARD LESSON.

The Shape seemed close to dissolving into nothing under his eye. ...There’s nothing I can do to get away, they said dully. The past will always catch up.

YUP. Bill wrapped a skinny arm around the Shape, holding them to his side. SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

... ....Thank you, Bill.

FOR?

Being generous enough to give me time to figure that out.

With one finger, Bill tore open a door. COME ON, KID. IT’S TIME TO GO HOME, DON’T YOU THINK?

The Shape stared into the overwhelming brightness of the Realm, the fractured space, the infernal storms, and the endless noise. They felt nothing.