#birbdeath

AW YIS my fave, thank youuu :D <3

(For anyone out of the loop, this is about Ilya Tretiak from The Saint (1997), a movie which is mostly about….not Ilya Tretiak, lol.

1: sexuality headcanon

Bi, leaning towards dudes (though that might just be my own writing preference of slash over het, lol)

2: otp

Still will never not be overinvested in Ilya/Girl in the Leopard Print Top. Look, for the three seconds they were on screen together, they seemed happy! I 100% believe that when their parties don’t get rudely interrupted, they have a great time slutting it up and having all the insane wild 90s Russian fun. 

But really, I’ve discovered I could ship Ilya with pretty much anyone. Simon/Ilya is the ship most likely to actually result in finished fic though (just bc....most canon material), even if it’s far from being an OTP in the sense of “d’aw look at these two” 

3: brotp

With canon support, the bald dude he repeatedly does the bro-y neck touch thing with <3 But really scratchface dude is an inseparable part of the trio. Ain’t nobody fresher than my motherfuckin clique and all that. (Yes, I do in fact have names and backstories for them, just like p much every single random background person in the Russia scenes, thank you for asking)

4: notp

In practise, apparently Ilya/Ivan? even though I find it hilarious and compelling and I would love to be into it for real (and on some level, I am into different variations of it more than I am into actually shipping Ilya/Simon). This is the most unfortunate ship to discover my parent-child incest squick on :( That said, if I tried real hard I could probably pull it off anyway.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Jeez, my investment in this fandom is 98% headcanons, where to even start. For something real basic: Ilya doesn’t actually permanently live at the mansion, because just, imagine your home is continuously overrun by your dad’s politics people you obviously hate and your room’s like right next door to the Evil Lab where your dad keeps his scientist hostage? I...don’t think so (though that would be a compelling argument for the alternate ending lol)

6: favorite line from this character

I honestly can’t remember if he says anything at all substantial after his initial introduction, but let’s be honest, after the condom line, does he really need to?

7: one way in which I relate to this character

Your parents making you go boring places with them is excruciating 

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

That ratty faux fur coat is gonna get your Russian card revoked, my dude. Also apparently I subconsciously hate the cane, because I never remember to put it in anything, text or visual, lol. 

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? 

Cinnamon roll, of course

the mcelroys are a perfect measuring unit for everything

but seriously, i mean, they’re weird adults, but they’re adults. with children. puts things into context, innit

Omg birb, you are an evil genius! I’m gonna do both bc I’m a trash person

The options: 

get randomly assigned as your lab partner for a whole semester 

get trapped with on a broken elevator for ten hours

get as my employee trainer for my new job at McDonalds

Elevator: Cicero, because while his chatter might become annoying after a while, it’s still better than to sit in silence and also he’s the least scary to be alone with tbh

Employee trainer: I can’t believe I’m volunteering for Caesar here, it’s literally just that his huge fucking ego would be merely annoying when he’s your boss (superior) as opposed to completely rage-inducing when he’s your lab partner (technically equal)

Lab partner: As much as I’d rather have Pompey for my trainer, I don’t think he’s a very complicated person, so we could probably make this work.

Employee trainer: Qui-Gon, because he’d be super chill, but still good at instructing. I can see it /nods/

Elevator: Obi-Wan, because he’s hot not Anakin a decent guy and you could probably have some interesting conversation. Qui-Gon would probably just meditate the whole time. 

Lab Partner: I’m gonna swallow my pride and chose Anakin. It would be infuriating, but I can whack him on the nose and tell on him to the teacher, so silver linings.

birbdeath said: also, he’s actually 12 

birbdeath said: He didn’t even skip any grades. He just walked into high school and nobody questioned it. 

birbdeath said: He called the headmaster grabdpa and didn’t get into trouble. He was made team captain. I’m not sure of what, maybe of all the teams. He’s working to be team captain of all the teams. 

birbdeath said: The day after his team won the thing they do (football, i dunno) he had planned to ride into school in a mostertruck, but it didn’t fit through the gate, so he settled on a motorcycle.

Everybody go home, birb just won everything, I caaaaan’t

This is so true tho. You are now much more knowledgeable about Pompey than me (UNACCEPTABLE)

... is he still 12 when he wants to ride the monstertruck?

Never too late to enable some oversharing :D

15. what’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you?

Guess it’s still that time I applied for an internship at a publishing house and in the process got roped into volunteering at their book fair stand, which turned out to stock EXTREMELY politically questionable literature, and spent the day slowly realizing I had ended up in some kinda lowkey alt-right den. 

Then I also had to stand outside in the sweltering heat (in my business casual outfit no less) and give out flyers that no one wanted to take, which, y’know. Obviously paling in comparison to the politics but otoh, it was the cherry on top of the shit sundae. 

(I did not take the internship)

19. zombies or vampires?

Why does that feel like a trick question, my dude :D Straight-forward answer - neither? Idk I’m generally not into Various Categories of Character Types (if anything, maybe it’s pirates. Or witches, why are witches never an option?) Both of these also have tropes that extremely squick me... but if I had to pick, vampires bc drama~

32. do you write better with a pen or a pencil? I write awfully with both really, they really bring out the chicken scratch. I don’t use fountain pens anymore but maybe I should, I think my writing wasn’t too bad then. I think I write best with fineliners, but I don’t have any because stationary is one of the few things in my life I actually try to be kinda sustainable about idk

33. a song that gets stuck in your head?

Languages you don’t speak are the worst culprits for this, so here’s some Tatar rap:

Thank you, dude! These will definitely turn out very tl;dr haha

4 - Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline? 

Hahaha friendo you know full well I don’t. No, to be serious, I...try to do it a bit more now? So like, I’ll insert placeholder bits into my drafts, so I’ll remember to flesh out later. But I really rarely sit down and like, write a spark notes version of my story before I’ve written it, which, I think that’s what outlining is, right? I think I may have once or twice written a brief summary because I was checking over the concept with someone, but just in really general terms. My inspiration really comes in small moments and snippets of dialogue, so I’ll write, like a corny descriptions of raindrops in someone’s eyelashes before I’ll even know what scene is gonna grow around it.

8 - Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

Often enough I use no music, but if I do, my writing music is best likened to like...workout music. Just the same song over and over again, until I barely register it anymore, usually something with thumping beats. I wrote multiple fics and my entire BA thesis to Ofenbach’s Be Mine and I’m still not sick of it.

Sometimes songs get really associated with a particular fic, with little to no correlation between music and fic content at all. A Little Bit of this Town aka Vegas fic was written on Waiting for the Summer, More than you know and Got U. My long suffering KKBB future case fic that I occasionally still work on has claimed Roses (Imanbek remix) lately.

Should I really be exposing that much of my garbage taste in music? Probably not.

10 - Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most? 

Hmm,  I’ll often write lots of dialogue without any tags or descriptions, because it’s pretty easy (unless I’m trying to make a clever joke! That can take me literal months). I think I really enjoy writing descriptions most, which can be both exposition and plot. My absolute least favorite thing to write is action, broadly speaking, anything that involves physical movement.

15 - A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?