The thing about me is that when I'm manic. I don't know what I'm manic. It's annoying. So I'll think back on one or two days before and there it is, mania. So it scares me when I can't tell the doctor the last time I've had a manic episode. Now there very far flung and in-between. And to me they don't seem like mania. I don't want to be misdiagnosed. I don't want to have gotten this far in my journey to learn about it all over again. It hasn't been a year but it feels like a very long time. It feels like a lifetime. I just remember in high school I'd be all smart and studious, and friendly and happy. Then I'd get home and burst in to tears and want to kill myself. All in the same day or hour sometimes. I often use to go from HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY to where's the bottle of pills let me kill myself already. And nothing helped. I believe bipolar is the bottom line. I hope it is.