#bipbipbip

Every time I finally get you happy, you go find someone to break your heart again.

I'm actually just rly over your shit sooooo. How abt that?

The first time I ever met a schizophrenic person, they were talking abt their hallucinations and I absent minded said "thats...completely fascinating" and I realized that was not the appropriate response and apologized profusely and followed it up with, "But...that is really interesting." They fell in love with me. It was a slight inconvenience purely because I was in a monogamous relationship... but I get it now. Like when I first started hallucinating it was music. I called it my "personal radio" and it freaked people out but robbie just kinda sat there and said "well...is it pretty music?" It's so relieving to find someone that wants to share my mind because it's too much for me to deal with alone. It's too much for me and 1 other person to deal with. I'm convinced I could have an army of ppl to speak with and it would still be too much. I would still have things to say and no one to listen. It's like my mind never slows down. Except for a few hours after I take meds and even then I'm only slowed so much before I get used to it and it races off again. I get why he fell in love with me, at that age he probably couldn't tell anyone he was schizophrenic without them running away. But I found it amazing that his mind was so complex. That's how I viewed it at the time anyhow. That's how henry feels abt me. I wonder how he is doing these days...I wonder if he is still alive. The likely hood isn't great. Teens diagnosed with schizophrenia don't have wonderful track records of staying alive. He's fine. That's what I'm going to tell myself. At least I gave him someone to talk to for a bit. At least I gave him someone he dared share his mind with.

I don't understand what you don't understand.