Feb 5
There's so many things to do tomorrow my brain is about to malfunction. Watch me crash out and wail on the floor for the next 50 minutes.
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There's so many things to do tomorrow my brain is about to malfunction. Watch me crash out and wail on the floor for the next 50 minutes.
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I am exhausted. I can't even get up to do basic chores, assignments, or projects both personal and academic. School has exhausted me to the point of reaching a new low, I didn't reach rock bottom I hit bedrock bottom. Heck, I still have quizzes to take right before it, I wish I could just snap my fingers and education becomes fun, relaxing, and a comfortable experience for every learner out there.
I don't know if I'm burnt out, tired, or hopeless but I just can't lift a finger... At all, no matter what I try to do, I just can't, like I'll just lay there flat on my bed resting all day. I don't know why, it just feels so tiring to do chores suddenly. Something about it just makes me wanna avoid it.
Maybe I am burnt out??? I don't know, I feel perplexed and I can't tell exactly what I'm feeling but I just know I don't feel like moving a lot. Maybe because I was so busy yesterday I needed to rest this day, except I can't because they keep forcing me to do chores. Like hello??? Your son is clearly unable to do anything at all and you're worried about an unclean house than a technically bedridden son???
I have two other siblings capable of cleaning and clearly they should take the work because uh, y'know, I'm also busy with schoolwork. I think it's fair to say they've become spoiled, as in way too spoiled, they don't do what I tell them neither does mom, they neglect their chores and worst of all does it in a horrible way.
Right now? I feel so detached from myself and everything around me that I don't feel the anger, the annoyance, and the pain of having to go through all of this, like as if I'm just a ghost floating through space.. You get what I mean???
I feel so overworked
I feel like a piece of lump, I don't feel like doing anything at all other than to exist.
I don't get it, what's making me tossed aside in the bg, I mean whenever I wanted to share smth it's not like I expect a lot, maybe a few hearts or reacts and a single comment sure that's understandable. But it gets to a point y'know? I feel so background in comparison to others, maybe I should be a bit more aggressive with it
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Okay so, I hate posting about this but I have to, I don't know why or what but it feels so tiring to not know who you are all the time. What's the point of alters if lines blur? How would I know where alter a starts and alter b ends??
... I sometimes question if I'm even a system at all...
It sure is nice to stand up for once and all. I don't know why they think my behaviour will be like this in a company or whatever they're stupid to think that I'll just let other people trample over me like they did. I'm afraid they're as obedient as a pet. Do everything that the master says, even against their morality, needs, and/or wishes. It's pathetic to see them create a fake authority to fill in that resentment they collected over the years.
But I doubt that, I don't believe I'd be trampled like they did, but of course it won't be as simple as one two three heal me and now I'm free. The only way I could ever burn the bridges and truly move on is as if I cut them off from one thing they waited for the most. Something they've worked so hard for that I can easily just destroy. Either way, it's nice to see them forever be condemned to hell they themselves created.
The most frustrating part about being a system is lacking skills that other alters have. Oh you wanna draw? Sorry you can't do that you're blocked to access those skills. You wanna write something? Blocked. You wanna compose a music? Sorry blocked again.
It frustrates me every time so all I'm left with is a piece of paper filled with erasures to the point the whole page is greyer than before.