Kim Dokja didn't hate Yoo Joonghyuk, not like people said and thought.
It's not like he hated him completely, in fact, he loved him, but a portion of hatred existed in his core and in his conscience.
Of course there would be after 3,149 chapters of his favorite webnovel, even more so after spending ten years reading every word and maintaining the constancy of being the only reader who stayed until the end, waiting for every update that existed.
Sometimes, Joonghyuk was his pillar of salvation, other times, he was the reason for beatings or teasing from his classmates. He would blame it on his mother, but deep down, the knowledge that spending more time immersed in novels, to escape the weak and stupid existence he lived, was the main reason why others picked on him, bothering him whenever possible.
Dokja had no hard feelings, not towards his favorite author, not towards the protagonist he accompanied on every return trip or towards the actions taken in every living scenario.
When Bihyung appeared on the train for the first time, on his way home after a damn day of work, the realization that everything he had read about for years was happening hit him firsthand.
Obviously, his carriage was not supposed to continue with so many lives, not if it followed the original plot, but what was his fault? None. He would not die for a story he knew like the back of his hand.
「 The clock ticked, but no constellation had said anything. 」
The desperation to take care of the lives of people around him would have been greater, if life had not taught him to live alone, with the world turning its back on him and wishing for his lonely and meaningless death.
Kim Dokja saw Joonghyuk throw him to the monster, try to kill him, not save his life and still be ironic about any apparent reason. The protagonist would be like that, the true protagonist.
The laughter in his mind was loud, he believed for a brief moment that he would be a better protagonist than him.
「 The fourth wall said 'I'm hungry', but it wasn't time for it to feed yet. 'I'm thirsty', it wasn't time to drink someone's blood yet. 'I'm cold', it wasn't time to die and abandon everyone to live in a dark place full of pages. 'I'm sleepy', it wasn't time to lose half of it soul yet.」
The realization came when he went against the impediment made by his mother, the one who tried to stop him from dying. Pftt. How ironic, years later she tried to save him? What right did she have to try to save his soul now that it was destined to be broken, destroyed and have the stories of each fragmented person torn apart by abandoned streets?
His hand held Joonghyuk's, those hands covered in blood and holding the scabbard of the sword stuck in his heart. It was ironic to see in Joonghyuk's eyes a certain despair and sadness for killing him, he was the one who always said he would kill him at the first opportunity, so why did it seem like tears were falling on such a beautiful face?
Before Dokja could say anything, he felt the traces of his power as a Demon King takes over his body, choking his throat and preventing him from saying anything. And, even though it was sad, a smile still remained on his face, until the moment his physical body turned to dust.
「The constellation ‘■■■ ■■■■■■■’ still stares at him sadly, his decisions are inconclusive for him.」
「The constellation ‘■■■ ■■■■■■■’ left the channel.」
The sound was muffled, the cold between his clothes and his skin, the heavy breathing, the idealization of thin hands and loud but silent voices, was in his mind. Dokja opened his eyes, finding himself in the middle of a sea, he could see books floating around him, open and others closed, loose pages, pens releasing their ink. So many things, but nothing that made sense.
When he stood on the still existing floor, he began to walk between the existing shelves, some with several books, others with none, and one with only one book.
「The Fourth Wall trembled, whimpering as if it had been broken.」
Dokja didn't remember what it meant, but he was sure it didn't exist in the web novel, since he had memorized it, at least most of it. Opening the only book in his hand, he could see three photos of himself, one from when he was a child, one on the train, and oh ... just like now.
His breath caught, his hands shaking as he held the photo with the environment the same as he was in and probably with the position he was in, he was the same.
The bitterness on his tongue got worse, the trembling existing, the lack of air suffocating and when he opened his mouth, he drowned in agony, despair and water.
「Dokja you are ■■■■■■■■■ ■ ■■■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■■■■■■. ■■■ ■■■■■, ■■■ ■■■■■ ■■■ ■■■ ■■■■■■■■, ■■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■■ ■■■■■■■. 」
As his consciousness was carried away, he heard his words, but for some reason he could not understand.
Living so long among those worlds, acting as if he were Joonghyuk, he believed that people would already know where he was or would look for him, since they would understand that he was alive. As incredible as it may seem and the pain he feels, deep down in his heart, he missed his company with Bihyung. Would the bastard dokkaebi be cursing him even now? A smile appeared on his face, he certainly would be.
The watch was in his hand, stories that were not told by him were running in his soul, it was necessary, he was alive and regardless of the consequences, he would still be there. He would be Kim Dokja, the one who founded his company in the middle of a heavenly meeting, the one who provoked Joonghyuk until he did not give up on his third return, the one who met the plagiarizing writer, the one who saw his friends grow in power and be recognized, the one who fulfilled his promise to Bihyung, the one who fell in love with Yoo Joonghyuk for the 3149th time.
When Joonghyuk's fake 1864th return happened, and he helped Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyounga win, he saw the end of the scenarios.
The warmth of the sun should have given him joy and a success in being alive, but for a click, a quick darkness, and a rushing wind and a familiar sound, Dokja felt his body shiver. When he opened his eyes, he was in that station, the same one he knew, the one he stood at every day after work.
His eyes were curious, but when he started walking, he saw himself entering the carriage. His breathing was rapid, his heart was pounding, the feeling of despair and the urge to cry made him swallow hard. Entering the door in front of his, he walked to the place where he, or rather, his version from months ago, was sitting, with a cell phone in his hand, headphones and an infectious smile.
The first tear ran down his cheek.
Was that the end of the scenario? To live all the suffering, all the misfortune, all the existing feelings? A sob was present in his voice, no one looked at him, oh…. he was like the constellations were to him, invisible.
The crying started in his despair, kneeling in front of his other version, the suffering was worse than losing his stories, the urge to scream was greater than when she fixed him, the urge to die was greater than when Yoo Joonghyuk killed him. Was that the pain of returning?
Standing up, standing and staring at the wider smile of his new version, Kim Dokja felt his heart break. He felt the cold and sea water that remained when he died wrap around his body again. He heard the watch in his pocket stop ringing. He felt the cold, the one from when he died, begin to slowly take over his body.
As he stared at the train window, his eyes released the trapped tears, seeing Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk staring at him. The red eyes, the swollen bags under Joonghyuk's eyes, the bleeding and bitten lip, that was despair and he understood.
That was when the two voices were heard.
「The constellation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ still looks at him sadly, his decisions are inconclusive for him.」
「The constellation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ has left the channel.」
「Dokja, you are broken and I need to fix you. Please don’t let her fix you, come back to me in this return. 」
Kim Dokja sobbed, feeling the despair of sinking alone coursing through his veins.
「Stupid. Why do you keep running to your death? Why do you keep leaving us alone? Why do you still insist on breaking your soul?」
「I’ll be waiting for you in the 1895th return. I hope… ‘The constellation Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him’ that you trust me and don’t leave alone again.」
「The constellation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ stares at him.」
「I’ll be waiting for you, just like I’ve waited in all the other returns. I’ll be waiting so we can finish all the scenarios together. I will be waiting for you because I promised to wait for my love at the first return.」
「 The constellation ‘Han Sooyoung’ has turned off the channel.」
「 The constellation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ has turned off the channel.」
「 The incarnation Kim Dokja is repairing.」
「 The incarnation Kim Dokja is ready to begin his 1895th return.」
「 The constellation Yoo Joonghyuk is looking forward to this new scenario.」
「 The constellation Yoo Joonghyuk says ‘■■■ ■■■■■, ■■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■, ■■■■■ ■■ ■■■■■■■■■.’」
“Kim Dokja, come back to me, I’m waiting for you.’
