#bilkin

“ To be desired is perhaps the closest anybody in this life can reach to feeling immortal. “

Teh is one of the most beautifully complex and flawed character that I've had the pleasure of watching in a Thai series. He only has about two working braincells, the rest of them are busy sniffing coconut and writing "Nan Zhu Zhue" 20 thousand times. He's a certified dumbass, and a master in the art of self destruction and sabotage. He's a jittery little thing with a baggage of emotions he can only hope to carry, but he tries his best and is a solution seeker to a fault. He is afraid of change and seeks validation from the people he loves. But the main thing about him is that he has feelings. So many of them, an overflowing amount, and he seems to drown in the excess. He feels too much and thinks too much: too many thoughts and too many emotions, and he doesn't seem to know what to do with either of those things. Teh, at his core, loves with all his heart. He is never fickle, never unsure. Be it with his love for acting and theatre or Oh-Aew. From the time that he could admit to himself that he loved Oh-Aew, he has never been unsure about what he felt towards him. So what the fuck is ipytm episode 3, huh?

I don't know if it's bad writing or not. I kinda see how they were leading up to this, I kinda don't. Because on one hand, Teh is just...so rash. So fucked in the head. There's so much psychology going on here, I don't even know. On the other, I would've never imagined he would actively try to hurt Oh-Aew like this. Always thought whenever he did hurt him, it was circumstances out of his hands (the aftermath of the underwater scene) or by mistake (whole of ep5 in ITSAY).

So honestly, I don't know if it's in character or not, I don't know if the writers ruined Teh's character in s2 or if he was always meant to be this asshole, I really really cannot make up my mind.

What I know is, I don't understand the when?

When did Teh went from being...Teh to a person who went around kissing his theatre friend behind his lover's back?

When did he change from looking at Oh-Aew with the utmost adoration, to being this careless, non-attentive boyfriend who won't even invite him to a play?

When did he go from crying in Oh-Aew's arms in fear of abandonment to ditching him for Jai?

When did he go from the supportive study partner who would wake up at 4am just to help Oh-Aew study, to not giving a damn about his good grades in uni?

I don't know when this pure dumbass became this calculative person who would edit his text to "hanging out with friends" before sending it to Oh-Aew.

I don't know when this passionate, filled-with-love-and-longing-cutie, stooped down to sleeping with Oh-Aew for "research purposes".

I loved Teh, he was my comfort character.

I related to him so much. His ambitiousness and his drive towards his dreams was something I saw reflected in myself and my life. How he believed in himself, even when his friends laughed at him when he told them his "unattainable" dreams. Even when the teacher didn't choose him for the main role, or any at all. I know these things, I get it, I get him. It was amazing to watch this character run towards his goals and fall flat on his face, and then get back up, only to drag the person he loves down with him. He was so flawed, so honest, so human, I loved his character arc and growth and loved that he came of age and that his life is such a story that is just begging to be told.

I related to him so much. How, when he fell in love, he literally drowned in the excess of his feelings. He was so helplessly in love, carried so much of it inside him because he just couldn't pour it out yet. His yearning, longing, mistakes, denial, EVERYTHING was so human. So wonderfully human, because a dumbass he might be, Teh's erratic heart was always, ALWAYS in the right place.

So again, I don't know if it was in-character. Don't care if it was a long time coming. This human character was made to do such a messed up thing that it feels like he has been snatched away from me. He made mistakes before, but his heart was always in the right place. My comfort character is gone, I can no longer look at Teh and think "yes him, I relate to him" because he just turns out....awful?

And I I might agree with the writing, admire the execution, LOVE the acting, and still finish watching the series, but you know what? I'm fucking pissed. I'm pissed because I don't have my comfort character anymore, and it honestly just feels like betrayal at this point, however in-character. And I think that's reason enough to be pissed. I'm pissed that they did Teh so dirty, that it's always his fault, his mess ups and never someone else's.

And I'm so pissed that it makes sense, so pissed that this coming of age is true to the real world to the point it's basically horror. So pissed that they're doing everything right, and this is the exact reaction they wanted from the audience and they're getting it. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT??? COMFORT-TEH IS GONE! EVEN IF YOU TRY TO REDEEM HIM IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY, HE IS NEVER COMING BACK. I am furious.