He’s the most important thing to me, but he can’t be the only important thing to me...
I realise I need to create space for and attribute more value to myself because for a while i’ve put him first, and I’ve put him before anything else, and I realise now that there’s no other way of feeling fulfilled within myself other than working on and becoming some one i’m proud of, and I can’t do that unless, I put myself first and most importantly love who i am.
These feelings were spurred on by his recent absence, he went away for a week and with him he took my sense of self - we’d spent so much time in each others company that we started merging into one and his interests became mine. I became reliant and dependent and completely and utterly lost and alone when he went away. And I don’t want that.
I want to live my life before I think about his, still care about, nurture and adore him (i don’t think I could even stop if I tried) but check up on myself and my feelings and whereabouts first.
*not blaming him in the slightest here, this is all my fault, I fall too deep and get lost*
