#bhonest

Recently I have been warned that I will be a bad person if I keep “sending the wrong message” to a man who has asked for my phone number and who I am uninterested in. I was advised to come clear with my intentions, otherwise, I am a bad, bad girl.

So. I welcomed the advice because I like honesty and I like initiating honest conversations. But. First I had this reaction like: Fuck. How am I even related to this shit?! I didn’t even know until the phone number I was in somebody’s thoughts. And now I am a sinner? Playing with somebody’s feelings? Everyone get the hell out of my mind.

So I told the guy that I am uninterested.  I truly believe forcing love is pointless.

Also. I thought how crazy it is that I used to think like "bad girl/bad guy” about basically everyone, including me, in the past. Bad people all over the planet. Cheaters. Players. Liars. This was my life until the age of 23. (Only, I would be the one falling for “inapproachable” men and I would be the one attracting all the cheaters and blaming all the players for their unforgivable behavior.)

So I asked myself this question: Whose responsibility is it to fall in love with me? Whose responsibility is it if I fall in love with someone? Whose thoughts are these? Whose feelings are these?

It is all about taking responsibility and standing up for who we are. People who ‘love’ me might unnecessarily take responsibility instead of me for some time if I manipulate the crap out of them. Because it is more convenient. BUT. Every time I “feel weak to take responsibility for my thoughts” I give them a piece of my freedom and truth, too. If I do this for longer what will be left to me? A cage, lies and more manipulation for my entertainment? And what will be left to those I 'love' and manipulate? People who truly love me love themselves and understand that everyone deserves equal freedom in this world. They take responsibilities and leave my responsibilities to me so I can BREATHE, EXPERIENCE LIFE and EVOLVE. True love liberates.

And when I mess up, and I am all sobs, they take my responsibilities again just to kick me out as soon as I am fine. *smile*

I believe that when I start blaming the person I am in love with for “playing with my feelings” and I crave my overattachment fix (overly attached girlfriend syndrome, right? funny until...) I deprive the person the chance to evolve with me. Overattachment made me feel inferior to men for years.

So note to self: “Instead of thinking how “he” thinks about you and feels about you, get busy taking responsibility for your thoughts and emotions. Show a good example and invite your crush to your evolution. If you get an unexpected answer, be grateful. If you catch him lying to you (if maybe you catch yourself lying) about his intentions (about your intentions) or himself (or yourself) remember it is because he is just figuring himself out, too (take time figuring yourself out). True love is a learning process, so, forgive him (forgive yourself). Let go. We are all here to learn, to evolve. Stay humble and celebrate being/having been a part of others’ evolution.

Or.